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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303595">Jean Kirstein is Sick of This Shit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/candycubed/pseuds/candycubed'>candycubed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Armin Arlert Supremacy, Bisexual Jean Kirstein, But We're Fixing It Though, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort, Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, F/F, Fix-It, Gay Marco Bott, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Jean Kirstein Supremacy, M/M, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein-centric, Minor Character Death, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Observant Armin, Season 4 Spoilers, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Time travelling gays, Trauma, Underage Drinking, marco lives, these bitches gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:42:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,370</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303595</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/candycubed/pseuds/candycubed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Season 4 Spoilers</p>
<p>After taking a bullet for Sasha and changing the fabric of fate itself, Jean wakes up in a land in between life and death. Upon seeing Marco there, Jean makes a choice: to go back in time alongside Marco, prevent Marco from dying this time, and hopefully fix things along the way.</p>
<p>all credits to my main man Isayama</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>373</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean ends up at the place in between life and death, sees Marco again, and decides to do a little time travelling because Jean Kirstein is Sick of This Shit</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Point of view is mainly Jean's, third person. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>The last thing Jean remembers seeing was a darkness enveloping him. He heard voices, heard Sasha and Connie screaming distantly, the sound going through one ear to the next. He was tired, so fucking tired, he’d admit. It had been so long since he was finally able to rest, to be able to live with himself with what he was now doing. He didn’t want to be doing this anymore. So, he figured he might as well close his eyes for just a moment, allowing himself to slip into that darkness, just as the bullet had slipped into his abdomen moments beforehand.</p><p>Jean awoke with a start, dreams fleeting and leaving him as he heard the soft voice of him, the echo of that beautifully ethereal man, for the first time in months. Propping himself up on his elbows, he shook his head and allowed the sleep to leave his eyes as his brain slowly awakened. How long had it truly been since he had heard that voice in his dreams? Seen him again, happy and alive and <em>there<em>? Far too long, he thought, and even farther since he had heard and seen him in person. </em></em></p><p>
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</p><p>Where the hell am I, he thought.</p><p>
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</p><p>His hands were smooth, uncalloused, like they were years ago. He startled, looking down further. Gone was his uniform, gone were the scars of old battles and fights. Gone were the bruises on his thighs from the ODM gear. Gone was the bullet hole in his abdomen, that burning pain that was <em>just<em> there. All he wore was a white cape, seeming to be a robe of some sorts, and a loose pair of matching white shorts around his waist. </em></em></p><p>
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</p><p>“God, who’s the topless wimp now.” he muttered to himself. He brought up a hand, scratching at his face, noting that his scruffed out beard was still there. He finally took a look around where he was. It was a black room, if you could call it a room, but somehow there was enough light that he could see his body in perfect clarity. Jean brought his hand, <em>a softer hand</em>, down to the ground, watching the glossy black floor ripple as if it was a puddle.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Where the hell am I?” he huffed out loud this time, spinning around in shock when he heard that voice again.</p><p>
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</p><p>“<em>Jean</em>,” Marco stood behind him, his grin larger than one Jean had ever seen on his face.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Marco—” Jean stood up and crushed Marco in a deliberating hug. He looked like Marco, the Marco from <em>before<em>, not battered or bruised or broken. He smelled like Marco, and the barracks, and Jean buried his face in Marco’s neck to make sure of this. He sounded like Marco, his voice twinkling and light and free and <em>innocent<em>. Most importantly, he hugged back like Marco, arms warm and tight around Jean and he <em>laughed<em> at Jean, laughed in his ear like he was delighted to just be able to hug Jean again.</em></em></em></em></em></em></p><p><em>I’m taller than him now</em>, Jean thought as he held Marco, and that made him wonder how Marco would look if he was still—</p><p>
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</p><p>	“I missed you.” Jean whispered quietly, burying his thoughts, face still bent down against Marco’s neck, hand rising up to feel the smooth hair at Marco’s nape. Jean watched his fingers splay out on Marco’s skin, his neck, tracing the freckles that lined his entire body. It was his Marco, and his heart broke at that, because he wasn’t going to ever be able to hold him again, not in any way that mattered. </p><p>
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</p><p>	Marco laughed again, his body shaking with the effort, “I missed you too, Jean.”</p><p>
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</p><p>And they stood there, holding each other tight, as moments passed and Jean got used to the feeling of Marco and the smell of Marco and all of the little things about Marco he never wanted to forget. He wanted to draw Marco like this, so that he wouldn’t forget how pure, and <em>real</em>, he looked here, alive and unbroken. Because he knew he would wake up from this dream, and it wouldn’t be real, and Marco would be gone and he would be—</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Jean,” Marco murmured, quietly, as Jean started sobbing into his shoulder, tears flowing and staining Marco’s uniform, “Jean, it’s okay, you don’t have to cry. It’s all going to be okay.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	But it was okay, Jean mused. It’s okay for him to stand here and take as much comfort out of this dream as he could, he realized, as he slowly let his tears dry up. He would take this opportunity, and he would sit there and he would talk to Marco and memorize everything about him and pretend like it was all okay, and nothing in the world could get between them ever again. He would sit there, and he would drink in the color of Marco’s eyes and the cacophony of his voice and the softness of his face. He would <em>feel<em>, and he wouldn’t have to be ashamed of it. </em></em></p><p>
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</p><p>	“Marco,” Jean said softly, “I never thought that I would see you again like this. I never thought that you could feel so real again. Please don’t wake me up.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	Marco’s arms tightened around Jean. He sighed softly, sounding melancholy. “Oh Jean. If only this was a simple dream.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Marco...what do you mean? Of course this is all a dream.” Jean looked up directly into Marco’s eyes for the first time, pulling back slightly, only to see the innate sadness possessed in that face that he had missed in the joy and laughter earlier.</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Jean...you’re existing in a place between life and death right now. Do you remember what happened before this?” Marco tried to explain, concern evident in his eyes, but Jean was just looking more and more confused.</p><p>
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</p><p>	Suddenly a memory flashed through Jean, and it was painful, and he remembered the airship, leaving Marley. He remembered Sasha’s voice, hearing something, he remembered Lobov, not coming aboard. He remembered a thump, then a loud gunshot, then the pain blossoming through the left side of his abdomen. Jean lightly gasped at the realization, then gingerly brought his left hand down to his abdomen. There was a phantom pain there, but when he looked down, there was no wound.</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Marco...I don’t understand. Are you a hallucination? Are you real? Am I...am I dead?”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Marco, wait...I don’t understand. What kind of choice?”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Fate is a funny thing,” Marco said quietly, “but they have decided to allow you a choice. You changed fate back there in Marley. Sasha was supposed to die by the hands of Gabi,” another memory ripped through Jean, of a small angry child with a gun too big for her, and the utter dread he had felt upon seeing the cycle of violence repeat in the airship, “however, you changed that. You shoved her out of the way, and somehow this move has impressed those gods that are above us. You managed to change fate, destiny. Therefore, they have allowed you a choice. You can choose to move on, to what is after life, and I will go with you, together in death. You could choose to go back to where you just were, but you would have to go back alone, continuing to fight there. Or—” Marco took a deep breath. “You could choose to take us both back, to a previous time. With that we could try to change our fates. But it wouldn’t be easy. I trust you Jean,” he said that with so much emotion that Jean started to tear up again, “and I’ll trust the decision that you make, even if you decide to go back without me. If you do, I’ll wait for you to come back to me still.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“I—, are you saying that we could go back in time? How does that make any sense? Does this mean that...we could fix things? You wouldn’t have to die?” Jean still looked broken.</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Oh Jean,” Marco sighed, caressing the back of Jean’s head “that is exactly what it means.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“So we could save you and save the world and get a chance to live together in peace. That—” Jean’s voice hardened, “is what I choose.”</p><p>
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</p><p>	“Jean—” Marco started, but then suddenly the black world they had been standing in began swirling, all colors of the rainbow flashing by as they held each other in their tight embrace, until both of the boys promptly blacked out.</p><p>
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</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>
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</p><p>	The next time Jean opened his eyes, he saw a familiar view, but nonetheless one he hadn’t seen in years. Their bunks in the barracks.</p><p>
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</p><p>	That means it’s worked, Jean thought excitedly, rushing to strip the blankets off the bed. He needed to see Marco. He needed to see Marco <em>now<em>. </em></em></p><p>
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</p><p>	He was wearing the standard military pajamas, and didn’t stop to change, instead climbing on top of Marco’s bunk and shaking him awake. Jean wasn’t paying attention to the weird looks he was getting from the rest of the boys, but that didn’t matter to him anymore because Marco was here and he was alive and he was warm underneath his hands. And when Marco opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Jean, fifteen years old again, smiling and young and carefree in a way he hadn’t been for ages, they both knew. Knew that things were going to be okay.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you all for reading and shoutout to my roommates for beta reading for me I love you two &lt;3.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Training Days + Some Observations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean and Marco face their first day back, Jean improves over the course of training, and Armin notes some new observations about those two.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>POV is mainly Jean's, the last section is from Armin (observant king).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <ins>Training Days + Some Observations</ins>
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<p> Marco woke up, and the first thing he saw was his own smile reflected back on Jean’s face, and he just sighed out a soft “Jean.”</p>
<p> “Marco,” Jean said back, in a voice that sounded needy as he buried his face in Marco’s neck, dramatically collapsing onto Marco’s bed next to him.</p>
<p>	Marco reached over, grabbing Jean’s chin and tilted it up towards him, seeing Jean’s eyes dazzle and quietly asked, “Can I—” before Jean interrupted him, hands going up to the sides of Marco’s face and replied, “Fuck yes!”</p>
<p>	They brought their lips together in a long overdue kiss, and all Jean could think of was how warm and soft Marco’s lips were, and how his hands could trace the freckles splattered across Marco’s face, and how he had regretted every single day <em>before</em> of never doing this before Marco died. </p>
<p>	Unfortunately, after a few prolonged moments, they were interrupted by a wolf whistle. Both of them looked up, only to see the entirety of the boys dorm looking back at them. </p>
<p>	Eren and Connie looked confused, Armin was blushing and looking away, Bertolt was looking troubled by this development and Reiner was grinning, being the one who had whistled in the first place. Jean took one pointed look at him, and moved to lunge off the bed to attack him, his rage and extra years of skills would definitely allow him to beat Reiner. He needed to kill him <em>now</em> because it was all his fault and—</p>
<p>	“Jean,” Marco pleaded, gripping Jean's shirt with enough force to hold him back, “please, not here. Not now.”</p>
<p>	“Fine,” Jean growled out, “but if anyone here has anything to say about us,” shooting a death glare at Reiner and Bertolt in particular, “I will not hesitate to fight you.”</p>
<p>	Bertolt in particular looked even more troubled by Jean’s near feral outburst, Reiner stayed looking cocky and confident, completely unfazed, Armin looked slightly concerned, and Connie and Eren just seemed dumbfounded. One by one, they filed out of the room, some of them throwing back glances as they left, but Jean just stared back unflinchingly, especially when he saw Reiner and Bertolt take a final look.</p>
<p>	After they left, Jean just lowered his head back onto the bed and sighed. “What are we going to do Marco? How are we going to avoid all these deaths?”</p>
<p>	“Well,” Marco started to reply, before grabbing the pillow out from underneath them and hitting Jean with it, “this is for being a STUPID IMPULSIVE IDIOT! Why the hell didn’t you at least talk about it, discuss it before you made your choice! You didn’t know all the information Jean!”</p>
<p>“Sorry!” Jean managed to let out in between getting hit, “I’m sorry! Ow, Marco stop,” but at the end of it Jean was laughing. Even with all the horrible things to come, how couldn’t he be happy? He was with Marco, and that was the light of his world. </p>
<p>---------------------------</p>
<p>	After a few more moments of privacy, they managed to get dressed and make their way to breakfast. When they walked in together, a hush fell over their typical table. Jean did a quick sweep of everyone at the table, and he was almost taken aback. Earlier he had been too focused on Marco and then Reiner to really observe the rest of their comrades.</p>
<p>	They were all so young, Jean realized, and not only that, but they were sitting there, unblemished and unscarred and carefree. Except for the fact that they were all looking at them. Walking in.</p>
<p>Oh shit, Jean thought, fuck I’m panicking, how am I supposed to face them and not seem suspicious—</p>
<p>His thoughts were interrupted as Marco grabbed his hand and held it in his, leaning over to whisper in his ear, “Jean, you’re panicking.” </p>
<p>Jean didn't reply, instead looking back at Marco with a smile so bright and dazzling that several audible gasps were heard. Jean looked back at the table, and his face turned back into his signature scowl. They sat down at their usual seats at the table, scowl still evident on Jean’s face as he realized that no one was going to say anything. Fine, he wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence.</p>
<p>Sasha was busy stuffing her face as usual, and even though she was one of the ones who had gasped earlier (it had sounded more like choking) she now seemed over it and had resumed stuffing her face. </p>
<p>Historia—<em>shit Krista</em> looked happy for them, while Ymir looked bored (and was too busy looking at Krista to pay too much attention to them).</p>
<p>Mikasa had one of her eyebrows quirked up, and Jean had spent enough time around those Ackermanns to learn their facial expressions, so he knew that that was her own way of appearing shocked.</p>
<p>Annie was not looking at them, ever the recluse, instead preferring to pick at her food.</p>
<p>Bertolt kept sneaking small glances at Annie, and <em>god</em> were they all so really daft as to not notice that when they were training the first time?</p>
<p>Armin noticed, his brain helpfully provided, that’s one of the ways he connected them all the first time. You need to be careful if you don’t want him to notice you <em>too</em>.</p>
<p>Armin was trying not to be invasive and stare, but Jean knew Armin better than that. He knew that Armin would start collecting all the observations and information he could about this new development.</p>
<p>Jean would be surprised if Armin <em>didn't</em> find out that something was up before long.</p>
<p>Reiner was not paying too much attention anymore, on the whole he seemed relatively unperturbed about all of this. </p>
<p>Connie was silent, and seemed to be thinking about what was happening, but in a way that seemed to take up a lot of his brain power all the while.</p>
<p>Eren. Eren seemed angry. That little shit, Jean cursed. He was about to start something, wasn’t he—</p>
<p>Eren slammed his fists on the table. “Are you kidding me? Just yesterday you had a thing for Mikasa and now we’re all supposed to believe that you have a thing for Marco? What the fuck Jean?”</p>
<p>Jean just looked at him. It’s not worth it, he told himself, I do not need to fight with Jaeger. I am above this, even if he’s a little <em>shit</em>—</p>
<p>Eren stood up from across the table and lunged, grabbing Jean by his shirt. “Well?! What do you have to say for yourself?!”</p>
<p>Jesus <em>fucking</em> christ Jean was too old for this.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to fight you Jaeger.”</p>
<p>Eren grip on him faltered slightly, before coming back into full force. “Why the hell not?”</p>
<p>Jean just smirked, his signature smirk, and spoke in a tone that sounded overly satirical, “Marco doesn’t want me to get into fights anymore Jaeger. It’s childish and pointless and I can easily beat your ass so I don’t feel the need to do that right now. Plus, the only reason you know about the Mikasa thing was because Armin told you, and—”</p>
<p>Eren had gone to punch Jean, and the whole table gasped in shock as Jean effortlessly blocked him.</p>
<p>His smirk only grew wider, “as I was saying,” and then completely decked Eren in the face. </p>
<p>Eren was on the ground, clutching his nose as it started to bleed, looking up at Jean in shock. In fact, everyone else stared at him in shock, especially considering the fact that Jean got up afterwards and walked over to Eren and offered him a hand up.</p>
<p>“This is it Jaeger,” Jean proposed as Eren begrudgingly took the hand that was offered, “we will not be doing this anymore.”</p>
<p>“But—but how did you do that?” he replied, his other hand still holding his nose to control the stream of blood flowing on his face. Oh, Jean thought fondly, just like all the other times Eren has had blood streaming down his face. Honestly, there were too many times he had had blood streaming down his face, that fucking Titan weirdo.</p>
<p>A chorus of the others watching chimed in as well, asking Jean just how he did <em>that</em>.</p>
<p>Jean simply shrugged and replied, “I’ve been pulling my punches. But lately I’ve realized,” he took a moment to look at Marco, whose face was drawn in concern for Jean, “that it doesn’t really matter. And yeah, I’ve learned a thing or two from you, you suicidal maniac,” he said that with a fondness in his voice that none of their friends would have expected, leading to some minor confusion and curiosity, “mainly that my talents are needed where they belong. The Scouts. That’s right everyone, me and Marco will now be joining the Scouts and I don’t want to hear anything about it. Now, can we finally get back to a normal breakfast?”</p>
<p>Jean would’ve thought it was impossible for their group to look even more shocked than they did before, but there it was, as he looked at all of their faces. Even Annie and Ymir seemed to be paying attention.</p>
<p><em>Too much attention</em>.</p>
<p>Great, Jean thought, scowl back on his face again, all I wanted to do was to avoid excessive attention. Great work, Jean.</p>
<p>Marco, usually soft-spoken and very well respected by their fellow soldiers, decided that this was his time to intervene, seeing Jean’s scowl return to its usual place on his face. “Jean is right, everyone. We are going to join the Scouts, but I think we would all just like to enjoy our breakfast before we get into anymore fights or important conversations. Is that okay with everyone?”</p>
<p>Everyone’s eyes turned to Marco, but that quickly turned into their acquiescence as they all murmured their consent and returned to their own plates and conversations. How could they possibly say no to Marco? He was the sweetest one, except for Krista, and completely opposite from the temperamental Jean who would fight anyone without a doubt. </p>
<p>Maybe that’s why they worked so well together.</p>
<p>Sasha, who had returned to eating with gusto, started to speak with her mouth completely full, “Isn’t it crazy that in a few months we’ll get to be real soldiers?”</p>
<p>Connie replied shortly with an easy scoff, “You just want to see what food we’re getting as ‘real soldiers’.”</p>
<p>Overhearing this, Jean turned to his right to look at Marco with worry. They only had <em>months</em>. How were they supposed to plan in such a short amount of time?</p>
<p>Marco seemed to understand the thoughts flooding through Jean’s head, but he just smiled and grabbed Jean’s right hand. Jean’s face softened again, and he got the message. They would worry about that later. </p>
<p>They spent the rest of their breakfast, and the rest of their day in fact, pointedly ignoring any weird looks they got from their friends. Hannah and Franz came over at one point to offer their smiles and support, and Thomas came up at one point during hand to hand combat training to pat Jean on the shoulder, offering his blessing in his own way, a huge grin on his face. </p>
<p>Jean just grit his teeth throughout training the entire day. How was he supposed to avoid all these people’s deaths during the Battle of Trost? How was <em>he</em> supposed to be the one to do it?</p>
<p>Obviously, he thought, my priority has to be Marco. I can’t leave his side, I can’t allow those traitors to get near him, at all, <em>ever</em>. But how?</p>
<p>He spent the rest of the day with his face in a permanent scowl. He was not clever, intelligent enough to come up with a foolproof plan, he wasn’t Armin for god’s sake! He did have years of experience, so hopefully he would be able to take down a majority of the Titans when his comrades inevitably faltered during the battle. </p>
<p>But—, he thought, his form faltering slightly during the hand-to hand training, (still not enough to leave him vulnerable to Marco’s attacks), if there’s just one extra person I save. It will be enough.</p>
<p>His mind made up, he effectively and efficiently blocked Marco’s attack, grinning as he managed to parry that and throw Marco onto the ground. </p>
<p>Marco smiled back, out of breath but happy to see Jean looking not incensed at the situation, but resolved for once. Like he had finally, finally made a decision.</p>
<p>----------------------------</p>
<p>	Their last few months of training passed in a blur. Jean slowly but surely climbed the ranks, because he’d be damned if he was going to finish behind <em>Eren</em> again. Plus, there was no way he’d allow himself to be beat by those three traitors, because they were not the only ones now who got a head start on training. </p>
<p>	Jean, already previously the second best with his ODM skills, only increased over training. He tried to do it in a slow way, to not seem suspicious, and for the most part it worked. His hand-to-hand was exceptional compared to the Jean of old, and he used that time to help his peers. When he wasn’t sparring with Marco (he vowed to never let him out of his sight ever again), he would give advice to others. He specifically spent time helping Eren, who begrudgingly accepted but still didn’t fully trust him. He also spent time with the soldiers who weren’t in the top ten, hoping that somehow they would be able to make it out of Trost alive if only their skills improved. Thomas, Hannah, Franz. Fuck, even Armin nearly died during Trost.</p>
<p>	<em>If he didn’t nearly die, then Eren would not have found out about his abilities.</em></p>
<p>	Damn that voice in his head. At the very least, he bargained with himself, Armin would be better prepared in the future. After all, he might have to count on Armin to save him in the future.</p>
<p>	Their titan dummy killing practice went in a similar fashion, Jean slowly improving his accuracy over time to the point where his ruthlessness and efficiency were only second to Mikasa. </p>
<p>	He also spent a lot of time watching his fellow comrades. Especially those three. It was so obvious now that he knew to look for it. Yes, there had always been times when Reiner and Bertolt weren’t around, but people had just assumed they were making out in a broom closet somewhere. Now though? Jean knew. He knew that they were secretly meeting with Annie after hours, and sometimes caught them from a distance (a safe distance) having these secret meetings. </p>
<p>	But how, <em>how</em>, Jean mused, would he be able to turn them against their mission. Because at the end of the day, thinking back to the Raid on Liberio, the same fucking raid that got him basically killed, they might have to fight a common enemy. Or, somehow, Jean would have to find a way for Eren to not go crazy, or at least convince him to not kill hundreds of innocent civilians, <em>their own fucking people</em>, because that was not the best solution. Because Eren wouldn’t be any better than Reiner, Bertolt, Annie; if he did that again. There had to be a way, somehow, within the next year, for Jean to bargain with them, or convince them, perhaps using Reiner's multiple personalities (if Jean could find a way to trigger him <em>without</em> it leading to Marco’s death). He didn’t know how he could prevent Trost, but just maybe he could prevent Stohess, maybe prevent some of the countless deaths of his fellow Scouts that followed. If they wouldn’t work with him, however?  Jean would soon as well slaughter all three of them in their sleep before he’d let Marco be in danger again, if they were <em>ever</em> a threat to him and Marco. </p>
<p>	He could just as well do that, he mused sometimes, at night when Marco would be sleeping but a peaceful sleep was too evasive for him. He had <em>nearly</em> no moral qualms about it, knowing that it could prevent countless deaths, and it was tempting to think that he could just end it all, killing them in their sleep; but that was too simple, too tempting of a solution. But most of those nights, when he just craved a strong drink to wash away his nightmares, he still decided that murdering them in their sleep would be an all too kind end for them. They needed to be exposed as traitors for what they did, and if they were going to die? They needed to be eaten by a Titan in the same heartbreaking way that Marco had. Yeah, Jean decided, it may be a little sadistic, but that’s what they deserved. </p>
<p>-------------------------------</p>
<p>	Other things changed too over time. Everyone noticed, but no one said anything when Marco and Jean started sleeping in the same bed. Everyone noticed, but refused to bring it up when they heard Jean wake up in the middle of the night, screaming incoherently about Trost and sobbing, repeating “Marco,” over and over again, while Marco would hold him and comfort him. They all noticed, when some nights it would be Marco who would wake up, quietly crying himself, whimpering, and heard how Jean would murmur small comforts into his skin. They observed, observed how Jean would not let Marco out of his sight, and how they would pass the time in between those moments holding hands and looking at each other like they were each other’s entire world.</p>
<p>	There were subtler differences too, mainly ones that only Armin seemed to notice. Like the way that Jean could be happy and seem joyous when hanging out with his friends, but his eyes only fully softened and he only let his guard down completely when he was directly in tactile contact with Marco. Like the way that Jean, previously only hostile towards Eren, carried a hidden simmer of rage and hostility towards some of the people in their group, especially Reiner. How Jean, previously only focused on getting into the military police, was now pushing his body even further during training, but not for the same goal as before. How, Armin softened at the thought of this, Jean was spending time with plenty of the worse recruits to try to help them improve. Altruism was not the way of old Jean, before he had only cared about three things: himself, Marco also getting into the MP (but to a slightly lesser extent), and fighting with Eren/mooning over Mikasa. Jean had also seemed to have found a new hobby, and they would catch him finishing up his drawings on spare pieces of parchment at night or in the mornings, and Armin would note the beauty and realism of them. He would catch glimpses of them, and they mainly seemed to be drawings of Marco. But sometimes, sometimes, Armin would catch glimpses of something that looked more sinister, a town in ruins and fires and destruction, Titans abound, which would call to his own mind the terrible memories of the Fall of Shiganshina.</p>
<p>Things were slightly different with Marco as well, but that was a lot harder to detect. It was the way, Armin mused, that when sometimes, getting hit a certain way on the right side of his body shut Marco down, and Jean would rush over and hold him, soothing the slight trembles and shudders that would move through Marco’s body while others would look upon them with confusion. It was the way that Marco, normally happy go lucky, kind and open to everyone, seemed to hold some type of fear at some of their comrades, the ones who ranked above him, and again specifically Reiner. </p>
<p>	It had to be Reiner, Armin determined. With both Jean appearing as if he wanted to fight him at any given time, plus Marco’s trepidation towards him, he must have done something to Marco. However, Armin, nor anyone else, had heard any rumors about anything happening between them. But, seeing the way that Jean looked sometimes, a vicious, deadened glare in his eyes, people had gotten the memo. If anyone was to harm a hair on Marco’s head, Jean would probably kill them. It was the same way, Armin thought, of how Mikasa would protect Eren. He thought back to that first day when Jean and Marco’s relationship became common knowledge. Usually, Mikasa would let those two boys have their petty fights, not sensing that Eren was in any actual danger. But after Jean had hit him so hard that he fell down, Mikasa was ready to intervene. However, she didn’t know whether to be more alarmed that Jean had punched Eren that hard after years of their trifle scuffles, or that he had offered him a hand directly after that. It definitely was a jaw dropping scene to watch for most of them, and an interesting change in behavior.</p>
<p>	However, Armin finally decided that right now wasn’t the time to question Jean over all these developments. He would sit back, observing for a little while longer, and hopefully when the time came to ask, Jean would speak to him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you all for reading :) I appreciate all comments and kudos &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Descent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean and Marco attempt a serious conversation about Trost, Jean flashes back to when Marco told him about his death, Jean is slightly mentally ill, plus a cute little bonus scene to uplift from the depressing scenes beforehand.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>not a very happy chapter, but these conversations needed to be had so</p>
<p>hopefully the bonus scene makes up for it</p>
<p>Jean's POV through everything until Connie's POV for the bonus scene (Connie supremacy).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Descent</ins>
</p>
<p>Time did pass. Jean had not remembered time passing that slow for a while, since after training had ended <em>before</em>, after Trost had happened, the days and months just bled together over time. They had bled together just like the deaths of all of their fallen comrades.</p>
<p>When you had spent every single day fighting for your life, there was no time to rest.</p>
<p>But now? Jean felt like he had all the time in the world, contrary to what he had first thought when they arrived back in training.</p>
<p>He spent his days not only training, but using that time to specifically memorize Marco. In their free time, evenings and mornings, he would draw Marco, using every spare piece of parchment he could get his hands on. He also spent time memorizing Marco’s body, counting all of his freckles, running his hands up and down his body to just convince himself that Marco was real and <em>there</em>. When Marco was feeling especially distressed, the phantom pains from his horrific death coming back in full force, Jean would take his time and kiss every inch of where it hurt, from the right side of Marco’s face, up and down his arm, his neck, his chest, his legs. They immediately started to sleep together in the same bed, and Jean appreciated every second of it all, every second of being able to <em>feel</em> and <em>touch</em> Marco.</p>
<p>	Damn, he really had turned into a needy little tactile shit.</p>
<p>	He was resolved to that fact however, and fully embraced his full time job of just being with Marco. It <em>made</em> his days to be able to hold Marco’s hand as they walked to training, it lit up his whole world with every single quick kiss that made Marco blush so prettily, it turned him all soft and gooey every time he heard Marco laugh.</p>
<p>	Yeah, he had definitely not taken advantage of this during his first life, and Jean’d be damned if he let that happen again. </p>
<p>	However, some more serious conversations had to happen, and Jean needed to stop ignoring those. Like on one unfortunate morning a month or so before graduation, when both Jean and Marco had actually, completely, slept through the night, and were awoken by the sounds of their friends finally getting up.</p>
<p>	“Jean,” Marco whispered, turning his head to the right towards the dozing Jean, who had decided to mold his body onto Marco’s ride side in the middle of the night and had finished it off by burying his head into the crook of Marco’s neck.</p>
<p>	“Shhhhhh, Marco, just five more minutes.” Jean snuggled his face back into Marco’s shoulder, completely oblivious to the awakening world.</p>
<p>	“Jean, everyone is going off to breakfast."</p>
<p>	“Okay? And?” Jean’s voice, crackled with sleep, started to develop a higher and whiny tone to it. </p>
<p>	“Jean, we need to talk. A <em>serious</em> conversation.”</p>
<p>	“Fine,” Jean huffed, peeling his body off of Marco, sitting up and stretching. “Oi, Connie!”</p>
<p>	Connie, who slept on the bunk next to them, looked over at them, seeming slightly startled, but probably still too asleep for his brain to function. “Yeah?”
</p>
<p>	“Tell Sasha she can have our portions at breakfast.” Jean was too busy blinking the sleep out of his eyes to see the dumbstruck expression on Connie's face.</p>
<p>	“What? That means you guys aren’t going to breakfast?” Yeah, Connie was <em>way</em> too asleep for his brain to function at this hour.</p>
<p>	“Connie,” Jean looked over, his face erupting in a slightly terrifying grin that showed off all his teeth, “Marco and I need some alone time, okay? So just run along to breakfast, tell Sasha she can have our food, and if anyone asks where we are, that’s what you can tell them. Okay?”</p>
<p>	Connie, mouth dropped open and eyes narrowed, ended up just closing his mouth and nodding, and proceeded to file out the door with the rest of their comrades.</p>
<p>	“There we go,” Jean turned back to Marco, face all smug, which quickly faded as Marco went to hit him with the fucking pillow. </p>
<p>	“Jean,” Marco groaned, “now they’re all going to think that we're—”</p>
<p>	“Yeah and so what?” Jean’s cocky-ass grin returning to his face as he looked over towards Marco, interrupting him, “ohhh, do you wanna make out <em>baby</em>?”</p>
<p>	Marco just hit him with the pillow again and replied, “No, <em>stupid</em>, we need to actually have an important conversation. We can’t just be horny teenagers all the time, we have to save the world, okay? And to start, we need to talk about Trost.”</p>
<p>	Goddamn Trost, Jean thought. His heart fucking broke every fucking time he thought about his hometown, and how it was destroyed because of those traitors. Trost, which had become a fucking enigma because Jean had no idea how he was supposed to fucking do this “changing fate” bullshit. </p>
<p>	He hadn’t been able to come up with any plan on how to completely avoid Trost. What was he supposed to do, go to fucking Erwin the conspiracy theorist and tell him that within the 104th Training Corps, there were five Eldians who could turn into Titans, a girl of royal blood who could wipe memories, and an Ackerman who has super special killing powers? Not to even mention himself and Marco, two time travelling gays who together just might figure out how to change everyone’s fate. </p>
<p>	It’s all such <em>bullshit</em>, Jean thought.</p>
<p>	Marco interrupted his tangential thought process with a poignant, “Do you have a plan for what is going to happen with Trost?”</p>
<p>	Jean just leaned back, noncommittal, and stared up at the ceiling. What was he going to do about Trost?</p>
<p>	“I guess we’ll have to let Trost happen.”</p>
<p>	After seeing a concerned look envelope Marco’s face, Jean sighed and continued, “What else am I supposed to do Marco? I can’t go and tell anyone what I know is going to happen without them locking me up because I’d appear fucking insane. They don’t even know that people can turn into Titans yet. I can’t just kill Reiner and Bertolt and Annie, because there’s definitely no way for me right now to convince them not to do it without them just killing me for somehow figuring out their plan, and if I just killed them instead it would just delay the problem too much and introduce too many variables as then their Titan powers would be reborn and that could easily turn into a hot fucking mess. Plus the fact that I don’t want anymore children involved in literal fucking warfare, we <em>need</em> to be better at that than Marley. And how would we get Eren to find out about his powers if he doesn’t sacrifice himself in Trost, and use his burning rage to kill a shit ton of Titans?  It’s almost like Trost has to fucking happen as the cataclysmic event to set everything in motion.” An echoing laugh danced around inside Jean’s head, as if that final point was the one that the voice in his head had wanted him to realize all along. Well fuck.</p>
<p>	Marco reached over, left hand cupping Jean’s face, slowly turning Jean’s face back towards his, thumb reaching up to brush away a singular tear that had escaped Jean’s eye unnoticed.</p>
<p>	“Jean, I’m sorry,” he stated simply, face drawn in remorse. “I don’t want you to have to see your hometown destroyed again.”</p>
<p>	Jean, eyes closed, trying to prevent any more tears from falling, replied, “I just have to hope that there’s no way for Trost to be worse than last time. I have to hope that fate will turn out the same, aside from the fact that I’m not leaving your side. I don’t care what I have to do, what orders I have to defy, as long as you’re safe. I won’t let them get to you this time.”</p>
<p>	Marco closed the distance between them, leaving a small kiss on Jean’s lips, before moving to kiss his tear stained cheeks. “I trust you, Jean. And even more than that, I <em>believe</em> in you.”</p>
<p>	He moved to hold Jean in his arms, and they laid there for the rest of their brief reprieve from training, holding each other.</p>
<p>	And Jean, all Jean could think about was that day, a few days after they had time travelled back in the first place, when Marco fully recounted to him just exactly what had happened to him in Trost.</p>
<p>-------------------------</p>
<p>
  <em>A few days after returning to the timeline, aka flashback time</em>
</p>
<p>	Jean and Marco had finally gotten a moment to themselves after the first few days of being back. The cadets had gotten the night off for once, and the rest of their friends were all messing around and having a good time. Jean, however, was not having a good time. He was fucking paranoid. He was fucking paranoid about Trost, and the traitors, and what happened, and he needed to know all the details confirming what that terrible, sinking feeling in his gut told him. Because it was one thing for Jean to want to constantly kill Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie all the time for being traitors in general, and causing Marco’s death (to what extent Jean <em>still</em> didn’t know, but at the very least <em>they</em> caused Trost, and therefore they caused Marco’s death), but he hadn’t missed the innate fear that Marco possessed anytime they were too close to Reiner either.</p>
<p>	After mentioning to Marco that they needed to talk, and Marco, well aware of Jean’s jumpy and irritable feelings and constant overbearingness towards Marco, <em>especially</em> whenever the traitors were around, agreed that it probably was time for them to talk about what happened in Trost. They had managed to find a spare room, which was more of an oversized closet. And instead of just making out (which is what Jean would much rather prefer to do), they had to have a fucking talk. About Marco’s death.</p>
<p>	Jean quietly closed the door behind them as they walked into the room, clicking the lock shut behind him. They both slumped down to the ground, too tired to stand, but deciding to sit and face each other instead. </p>
<p>	“Marco,” Jean leaned over, hand moving to lace his fingers in between Marco’s, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>	“Jean,” Marco whispered back, voice unusually timid, hand tensing slightly, “you have nothing to be sorry for.”</p>
<p>	“I’m sorry I have to ask you to do this,” Jean’s voice broke at that, and he was trying his best to not break into tears, “but I need to know.”</p>
<p>	Marco just looked back at him, his hand starting to tremble in Jean’s.</p>
<p>	“Marco...how did you,” Jean stopped to compose himself, “how exactly did you die?”</p>
<p>	“How do you think, Jean?” Marco sounded broken, and it matched the expression on his face.</p>
<p>	“I think...I suspect they had something to do with it. Annie had your ODM gear, but if it’s true—”</p>
<p>	“It’s true, Jean.” Marco seemed dejected. Jean moved at that, reaching over to hug Marco with his entire body, an attempt to stop the slight trembles that now racked Marco’s entire body.</p>
<p>	“Do you want to tell me how it happened? I understand if you can’t—” Jean started to whisper in his ear. </p>
<p>	Marco took a shaky breath, and then replied, “I’ll tell you what I remembered. The battle was dying down, and I was trying to find you, and everyone else. I saw Reiner and Bertolt talking in the distance, and so I zipped over there. Only to catch the end of their conversation, and I heard Reiner talking about <em>his</em> Titan. I thought they were joking—”</p>
<p>	Marco started breaking down at that. After crying for a few minutes, Jean holding him the entire time, he continued, “It turns out Reiner didn’t think any of it was a joke at all. I zipped away, confused, but still determined to find you. That was when Reiner attacked. He forced me onto a nearby roof, and….restrained me. He said…he said that I was too smart. I think Bertolt was just in shock, he never said anything to me. I was trying to scream for help, and I had thought help had come, but it was just Annie. She seemed…shocked also. Reiner made her take my gear. She didn’t want to. Reiner was just mad at her because she had saved Connie, and that wasn't a part of their mission. Reiner…he mentioned her father, he forced her into doing it. He called us filthy devils, said our blood was tainted. All of this was going on while a Titan approached. I didn’t understand, I looked her right in the eye and asked her why she was doing this and she couldn’t even answer me. They left me, left me there defenseless. They stopped on a nearby roof, and watched, as the Titan came closer and closer to me. I was crying, and crying, and I kept pleading, and I asked them for a chance, a chance to talk things through. That was when the Titan grabbed me. He went for my limbs first, and it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I could feel my nerves screaming,” Marco’s voice had gone unusually cold and calm, “as it physically ripped my body in half, and the worst part was that I didn’t die right away. No, the last thing I saw was them on the rooftop, crying, and the last thing I heard was Reiner ask why. The next thing I knew, I was in that place. That place where I saw you again. However, I didn’t get a choice to go back or anything. They just left me there, and said that I would see you again one day, and sometimes they would show me scenes of what you were doing. It wasn’t what I imagined death to be, but I wasn't disappointed with it. I was just happy to be able to see you, in any way I could.”</p>
<p>	Marco gave a small smile at that, even though the tears kept steadily falling down his face. </p>
<p>	“I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>	“It’s not your fault, Jean.”</p>
<p>	“I—I should’ve been there Marco. I regretted every single day afterwards that I hadn’t stuck by you in Trost.”</p>
<p>	“It’s going to be okay Jean, okay? It’s not going to happen this time. I trust you.”</p>
<p>	And they sat there, in that oversized closet, crying and holding each other, and mourning everything that had happened, well into the night.</p>
<p>--------------------</p>
<p>	However, that next day was a different story. Jean woke up in the barracks, and the catharsis from the night before had cleared his mind; however, he still wanted one thing. And so as the recruits were heading to breakfast that next morning, Jean took his opportunity. </p>
<p>	After getting dressed, he gave Marco a quick kiss before telling him to head to breakfast without him.</p>
<p>	“Jean,” Marco’s voice sounded very close to scolding, “what are you doing?”</p>
<p>	“Nothing baby,” Jean smirked, “I just need to have a talk with someone.”</p>
<p>	Marco sighed, but gave in, “Fine. I’m not saving you any extra food though,” and went to join the rest of their friends as they were leaving the barracks.</p>
<p>	“Hey, Reiner!” </p>
<p>Reiner turned to see a suspiciously pleasant Jean walking over to him.</p>
<p>“Do you think we could talk for a minute?” Jean was smiling, a smile that could be called dazzling, but more likely to be pointed out at that particular moment for the fact that it showed off all of Jean’s teeth in a slightly vicious manner. </p>
<p>“Sure,” Reiner gruffed in reply.</p>
<p>Bertolt, who was lingering in the doorway and waiting for Reiner, looked at Jean with an expression akin to worry.</p>
<p>He was right to worry, Jean <em>viciously</em> thought.</p>
<p>Jean watched them wordlessly communicate back and forth, before Reiner eventually waved Bertolt off with a “It’s fine Bertolt, go on without me.”</p>
<p>The door shut behind him as he left, and then there was only Reiner and Jean.</p>
<p>Jean walked over, wearing his casual smirk, but seeming to be in a good mood, and so Reiner didn't seem to be alarmed or suspicious in any way.</p>
<p>That is, until Jean strode over, put one hand on Reiner’s shoulder, drawing his attention there before he punched Reiner in the face. While Reiner was busy clutching at his nose, Jean went ahead and kicked him in the dick, forcing Reiner to kneel over.</p>
<p>Dazed and in pain, Reiner hadn’t realized what had happened until he was on the ground, disarmed, and Jean was restraining his arms behind his back so that he couldn’t fight back.</p>
<p>
  <em>Just like he did to Marco.</em>
</p>
<p>Reiner was going to try screaming for help, but that was when he felt the cool touch of metal against his neck, and a soft whisper by his ear.</p>
<p>“One day, Reiner,” Jean spoke in a voice so cold and emotionless it was slightly hard to believe, “you’ll understand why I’m doing this. In the meantime, I advise you to not speak of this to anyone, well I guess you can tell Bertolt if you want, but if any of our other friends find out about this, I will not hesitate to stab you in your sleep. I will take this knife,” he gently tapped the knife against Reiner’s neck for effect, “and I will carve your body up. Not even to mention, I will get Bertolt, and I will <em>destroy</em> half of his body, but keep him alive nonetheless, just so that I can see the look on your face when you’ve realized what I’ve done to him. Got it?”</p>
<p>Reiner gave a slow nod, and let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding once Jean got off of him. Slightly shaken, he noticed the cold look in Jean’s eyes as he had stood there, leaning against the bunks, twirling the knife around.</p>
<p>“Well come on, <em>friend</em>, let’s get to breakfast,” Jean said that with a cruel look to his eyes, and Reiner slightly shuddered, following the now whistling Jean to the dining hall.</p>
<p>And Jean? He was <em>beyond</em> pleased at how well that interaction had gone. <em>That</em> was what Reiner got for hurting Marco, and Jean’s mind rejoiced at the thought. What better way to hurt Reiner than to do him what he had done to Jean? Rip off half of Bertolt’s flesh and make him look upon the battered body of his dearest? Yeah, Jean definitely reveled at the idea. Revenge? It sure would taste sweet.</p>
<p>-----------------------------</p>
<p>After all of this, remembering those days in the past, and his talk with Marco that current day, the plan was set for Trost: Jean would not leave Marco’s side (absolutely not, unnegotiable), they would stay away from Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie, and do their best to try to keep the rest of the events from Trost the same, as much as it pained the both of them. </p>
<p>-----------------------------</p>
<p>Bonus Scene Time!</p>
<p>Connie walked to the dining hall, in a half-asleep and confused daze. He finally got there though, and sat down in his normal seat next to Sasha, who was his best friend in the entire world. No one said anything to him or really noticed him as he sat down though, everyone too focused on their conversations or the food in front of them.</p>
<p>Helping himself to food, he turned over towards Sasha, “Hey Sasha, you can have Jean and Marco’s breakfast, they’re not coming today.”</p>
<p>Sasha, her mouth already full, squealed with delight, except for the sound was kinda muffled. She greedily piled her plate with the extra rations. That girl was insatiable, Connie thought.</p>
<p>However, this did manage to attract attention from the rest of their friends. </p>
<p>“Hey? What’s Sasha so excited about?” Eren asked, with a whine in his voice probably due to how sleep deprived he was.</p>
<p>“She’s getting to eat Jean and Marco’s breakfast,” Connie mumbled back, not really wanting to be the one to have to explain this.</p>
<p>“Well where are Jean and Marco?” Armin asked, sounding concerned but curious at the same time.</p>
<p>“They aren’t coming to breakfast, guys, can we just leave it be,” Connie was starting to get annoyed, and it showed.</p>
<p>Reiner laughed and responded with a grin on his face, enjoying riling Connie up, “Well what are they doing Connie?”</p>
<p>Connie snapped, “Jean said, and I quote ‘we need some alone time’, are you guys fucking happy now?”</p>
<p>The results from this statement were instantaneous. Eren spit out his drink, half-choking on it, Krista gasped, Armin’s mouth dropped, Mikasa’s eyebrows rose, Reiner started laughing. Sasha continued her eating, absolutely oblivious; she was just happy to have extra food. </p>
<p>“Are you fucking kidding me? Alone time? What the fuck does that mean? Do they really just think that they can—” Eren questioned, once he had managed to clear his throat.</p>
<p>“Eren—” Mikasa started, at the same time that Armin explained, “They’re a couple and they want some alone time Eren. It’s not that hard to understand. Leave it be.”</p>
<p>“Oh my, Marco must have been so embarrassed,” Krista sighed, a sympathetic look on her face, while Ymir was finally looking like she was paying attention once Krista spoke. </p>
<p>Reiner just kept laughing, Bertolt nervously smiling next to him.</p>
<p>“Well I for one think they should take as much alone time as they need,” Sasha grinned, looking down at her newly formed food baby, hugging her stomach, after scarfing down all three plates of food, in record time.</p>
<p>The whole table erupted in laughter, a humorous start to another day of their training.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you all for reading! it's been a stressful week for me with the winter weather so I hope everyone is warm and safe :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Days Before Trost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean and Armin have a conversation, then later  Jean gets drunk, gives out fortunes, and gets a lil tiny bit horny.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>The Days Before Trost</ins>
</p>
<p>Graduation was in a few days, and while the rest of the cadets were excited, the same could not be said about Jean Kirstein and Marco Bott. How could they be happy, knowing the dark days that lay ahead of them?</p>
<p>It wasn’t getting any better for Jean either as Armin stopped and asked him to talk one morning, two days before Trost was going to happen. Everyone was busy getting dressed and ready for breakfast, and Marco had just left a quick kiss on his cheek, hungry and tired of waiting for the slacking Jean, so he had left with Connie a few seconds beforehand. </p>
<p>“Hey Jean?” Armin questioned, walking up to Jean.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Jean responded, questioning back, more focused on finishing getting dressed.</p>
<p>“Can we talk?” Armin softly asked, nothing suspicious in his voice, Jean noted.</p>
<p>“Sure, buddy,” Jean easily responded.</p>
<p>Jean would have to say that except for Sasha and Connie, Armin was the one he was closest to in the future. He held a great deal of respect for the smarter boy, and always regretted that it had to come down to Armin eating Bertolt in Shiganshina. If anyone should have been eaten, <em>it should’ve been Reiner</em>, Jean’s mind darkly reminded him. He also regretted that he had not stood up for Armin in Shiganshina, he should’ve protested Levi and Hange like Eren and Mikasa did. He owed it to Armin to do better this time, to make sure that Armin wouldn’t have to carry the burden, the <em>curse</em> of the Colossal Titan in the future. </p>
<p>It had hurt, seeing the unbridled joy from that small boy who just wanted to see the ocean become crushed, crushed and deadened under the knowledge that he had killed hundreds of innocent people, all for the sake of Eren’s retribution on Marley.</p>
<p>Jean was <em>not</em> going to let that happen to Armin again.</p>
<p>“Can we sit?” Armin asked, interrupting Jean’s thoughts, pointing towards Jean and Marco’s disheveled bed, which was consequently covered in a dozen or so of Jean’s drawings.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jean felt so terribly awkward talking to Armin, it almost felt like Armin could stare straight through to Jean’s soul and see the truth. See through any lie Jean would tell him. </p>
<p>Jean moved to clear up the drawings, neatly stacking them into a pile. A normal drawing of Marco rested on top, showing a smiling and happy Marco from training. Jean glanced up for a quick second, noting that everyone else had already left for breakfast.</p>
<p>“Could I...could I possibly see some of your drawings?” Armin asked, a curious expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jean replied, passing the stack over to Armin. There was nothing incriminating there anyways, Jean wasn’t that stupid enough to draw anything about the future <em>that</em> damning. </p>
<p>However, there were a lot of drawings of Marco. A lot. Mainly a happy Marco, an alive smiling Marco from now, but there were drawings of Marco from before in there too. There was one, from when Marco told Jean that he would be a great leader. There was another, deep within the stack, that showed Marco’s broken body in Trost. Jean wished that he never had to see it ever again, hadn’t wanted to commit the image to paper, but after that image haunted his dreams every night, he found that drawing it out on paper kept it from being so horrifying the next time. Because he would never have to see Marco like that, never again.</p>
<p>Jean had also drawn Trost quite a few times, and it was mainly the destruction he remembered. He found it quite therapeutic to draw everything out, as it enabled him to put his thoughts together and made sure that he wouldn’t forget any important details either.</p>
<p>That was the same case with his few other drawings depicting events from his first life. There was the forest, the one where they had tried (and failed) to capture Annie the first time. He drew the interior of the carriage, from that first damned time they made him impersonate Eren, and Jean was <em>not</em> going to let that happen again (talk about <em>embarrassing</em>). One of his favorite drawings was from the day that they first saw the sea, with Sasha and Connie, and that was probably one of the happiest days they had experienced in his first life, because after that, things were not so cheerful most of the time.</p>
<p>Jean let out a small sigh. He wanted so badly to go to the sea with the Marco, he fucking yearned for it, because Marco never got to see it the first time. </p>
<p>But Jean was going to change that.</p>
<p>His thoughts were interrupted as Armin quietly started to speak.</p>
<p>“I see you draw Marco often?”</p>
<p>Jean just nodded, feeling frozen, and numb, from his toes to his fingertips. </p>
<p>“Why do you draw him so much?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m afraid that one day I won’t be able to remember him this way anymore,” Jean sighed out, remorse beginning to creep into his voice.</p>
<p>“Jean, why would you say that?” Armin asked inquisitively, not realizing just what he was asking.</p>
<p>“Because of this,” Jean shifted over, grabbing the stack of drawings, and specifically pulled out the Trost ones. And the one depicting Marco from Trost. “These are the scenes that haunt my dreams, my nightmares. Every night this is what I see, like it’s on a loop, and I’m afraid—,” Jean’s voice broke at that, and gone was the maturity and confidence of an older Jean, and all that was left was the sacred voice of fifteen year old Jean who just wanted to be <em>safe</em> and <em>alive</em>, which was why he had wanted to go into the Military Police so badly. </p>
<p>“I’m scared, Armin. I’m scared of what I see every night, I’m scared of losing Marco, I’m scared that any of us might lose our lives soon.”</p>
<p>Armin looked up from the drawing of Marco, startled to see Jean furiously trying to prevent the tears from escaping his eyes. </p>
<p>“Is that why you’ve been—,” Armin stopped, thinking better of the question, before resuming, “I’m sorry, Jean. I know what it’s like to see your home, your loved ones destroyed by Titans.”</p>
<p>Jean, face now hardened and tears now dried up, responded back, “No, I’m sorry, Armin. I’m sorry that they attacked Shiganshina, and I’m sorry that you, Eren, and Mikasa have lost so much. I shouldn’t be burdening you with my troubles, knowing everything that you’ve seen.”</p>
<p>They sat there in silence for a few moments, Jean angry at himself for getting upset in front of Armin, and Armin existing in a state of shock, probably surprised to see Jean being emotionally vulnerable in front of anyone who wasn’t Marco. </p>
<p>After a few more moments, Armin decided to speak up again.</p>
<p>“Jean...what’s this drawing?”</p>
<p>He looked down. It was the sea, and his heart ached for that.</p>
<p>“Have you ever heard of the sea, Armin?”</p>
<p>Armin let out a small gasp, looking at Jean with something akin to wonder.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Armin spoke softly, awe apparent in his voice, “I have heard of the sea.”</p>
<p>“Well Armin,” Jean looked at him and gave him a small smile, “I’ve seen it in my dreams. And I think—no, I know, that one day, we’ll see it for real.”</p>
<p>Jean’s fingers traced the drawing in question, going over and over the waves, before tracing the outlines of all the people there. Sasha, Connie, and himself were the main focus of the drawing, from what he remembered about that day, but over on the side, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren were also standing there, splashing in the water, picking up shells.</p>
<p>His thoughts were interrupted as Armin decided to speak again.</p>
<p>“Who are these people here?”</p>
<p>It was clear that he had recognized himself and his classmates, but Levi and Hange were also there, in the background, smiling as the young Scouts played in the water.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure who they are right now, but I think I might know who they are one day,” Jean offered Armin another small smile, and moved to neatly stack the drawings again, leaving the one of the sea on top.</p>
<p>Jean could almost see the gears turning in Armin’s head, his thoughts racing around, a million kilometers per minute. He was shocked when Armin only offered a simple response.</p>
<p>“Are you ready to go eat? If we wait any longer, Sasha will eat our meals.”</p>
<p>Jean gave a shallow, mirthless laugh. “Yeah, you’re right Armin. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>And all Jean could think about as they walked was that Trost was in <em>two days</em>.</p>
<p>---------------------------</p>
<p>Even though Jean had possessed a type of nervous energy all day, all week in fact, the infectiously exciting energy for graduation from the rest of their friends slowly sunk its claws into him. So that evening in the dining hall when someone had managed to produce a few bottles of alcohol to celebrate, Jean was down for it. Not to party like the rest of them, but to get rid of his nerves and stop his damn intrusive thoughts for once. Maybe, just maybe, he’d finally be able to sleep tonight without dreaming of Trost.</p>
<p>That was Jean’s first thought when he saw the alcohol. Those were no longer his thoughts, a few drinks in, when he realized he had over shot it, big time. The room was starting to spin slightly, Jean was pretty sure he couldn’t walk alone at this point, and his thoughts were all drowned out by the singing and dancing going on around him. </p>
<p>Everyone seemed to be having a good time for the most part, and whoever was supposed to be in charge seemed to have fucked off and let the cadets have their last taste of fun. Jean looked over to his right to see a slightly tipsy Marco chatting with Connie. </p>
<p>Marco, who had twinges of redness settling high on his cheekbones, lighting up the dark freckles that lay underneath. He was <em>so</em> beautiful, Jean thought. He was so pretty, and Jean was too drunk to count his freckles (numbers, ugh) but yet he still wanted to, feeling a compulsion to draw constellations on Marco’s skin.</p>
<p>He didn't realize he was staring so intently until Marco turned over to meet his eyes, and he laughed in response to the starstruck look on Jean’s face.</p>
<p>Marco laced their fingers together under the table, and was leaning over to give Jean a small kiss on his cheek before Jean turned his face so that their lips met instead, and they kissed, hotly with open mouths, and Jean took his other hand and moved it up into Marco’s hair, and they only separated when they heard Connie pretending to gag next to them.</p>
<p>Jean then looked at Marco, his face erupting into his signature cocky grin, which was only slightly lopsided due to the alcohol.</p>
<p>“Hey Marco,” Jean smirked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jean?” Marco just laughed in response, too tipsy to be embarrassed at the moment. </p>
<p>“I….love you,” Jean said, his words slurring slightly.</p>
<p>“I know you do, Jean,” Marco replied, redness slowly spreading to the apples of his cheeks as he grinned back.</p>
<p>“I’m drunk,” Jean said matter of factly, leaning back in his chair, trying to see if the room would stop spinning while pretending like his world <em>wasn’t</em> spinning.</p>
<p>“I know you are, silly,” Marco giggled back, squeezing Jean’s hand in his. </p>
<p>“Ugh, of course you two would get all cutesy when drunk,” Connie complained, tired of being sidelined.</p>
<p>Jean continued on, completely oblivious to Connie, “I didn’t realize that I don’t have a tolerance for alcohol. I swear, it’s almost like I’ve never drank before!”</p>
<p>“Oh, Jeanie,” Marco looked at him, hearts in his eyes, “you’re incorrigible.”</p>
<p>Connie continued fake gagging in the background.</p>
<p>“Hey Marco,” Jean unlaced their fingers, manipulating Marco’s palm up.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jean?”</p>
<p>“Did you know,” he traced one finger down a completely random line on Marco’s hand, “that this here means that you are in love?”</p>
<p>“Geez Jean, I wonder who I could possibly be in love with.”</p>
<p>Jean just grinned back.</p>
<p>“Wait, you can read palms?” Connie asked, sounding curious and confused at the same time.</p>
<p>If Jean was sober, he would laugh it off and say that he was just making it up. Jean was not sober, though. </p>
<p>Jean spun around to look at Connie, dropping Marco’s hand in the process.</p>
<p>“Yes yes yes….Connie, did you know that the Kirstein’s have been trained in the mystic arts of palm reading and fortune telling for decades? Here, give me your hand,” Jean impatiently demanded.</p>
<p>If <ins>anyone</ins> was sober <em>at all</em>, they would’ve seen right through Jean’s bullshit. However, absolutely no one there was sober enough to care.</p>
<p>Connie wordlessly gave his hand over, and Jean stared at it for a few seconds, his fingers running up and down the lines on the hand before answering.</p>
<p>“It says here that there is a big tragedy in your future, yet you will persevere through it. Also this here,” Jean tapped a random line on his hand, “means that you’ve met your twin flame.”</p>
<p>Connie shook his head and responded with, “Jean, what is that supposed to mean? I don't get it.”</p>
<p>“I can’t explain your entire future based off of your palm, silly,” Jean shook his head in response as he continued, “the future is a magical and mystical thing.” Jean was moving his hands around to accentuate his speech as he talked, much more lively than usual.</p>
<p>Connie frowned in response, thought about that for a few seconds (he was drunk, let the man have time for his neurons to fire properly), and then called Sasha over. </p>
<p>“Hey Sasha, come over here, Jean’s giving out palm readings!”</p>
<p>Sasha, who was busy talking to Mikasa, Eren, and Armin, looked over towards Connie, before turning back around for a hot second. </p>
<p>The next thing Jean’s drunk ass knew was that all four of them had made their way over to him, and all of them (ranging from Armin’s and Mikasa’s slightly inebriated to Eren’s and Sasha’s <em>drunk</em> drunk), and they were asking for their fortunes.</p>
<p>“Oh my god guys, we don’t need to fight over me,” Jean flashed his typical cocky grin, “I’ll do Sasha first.”</p>
<p>Sasha offered her hand, and Jean repeated the process of staring at it intently while tracing a finger over the lines. </p>
<p>“Hmm...it seems like you will prove yourself in the future. There’s also lots of food (meat) in your future, and I see a particular chef who will personally feed you,” Jean concluded, giving Sasha her hand back.</p>
<p>Sasha squealed in response, “A CHEF??? MEAT?? I think I would just pass out if that was true!” </p>
<p>She dissolved into laughter, Connie laughing at the prediction as well.</p>
<p>“Who wants to go next?” Jean questioned.</p>
<p>Armin shrugged and offered out his hand. </p>
<p>“I see….you are going to achieve your dream. Armin, you also need to understand that you are important and valued in the future, no matter what you think.”</p>
<p>Jean let go of his hand, and Armin in turn looked introspective, looking back at Jean unflinchingly.</p>
<p>Mikasa was next.</p>
<p>“Hmm…,” Jean was at a slight loss here, Mikasa was not the most open person, and he didn’t know her that well, so he decided to go with, “a distant family member will come into your life. You will also continue fighting, no matter what happens.”</p>
<p>Mikasa shrugged, seeming unperturbed.</p>
<p>Eren, looking slightly aggravated, but still <em>drunk</em>, and stuck his hand out next.</p>
<p>“Ah, I see,” Jean was trying his best not to laugh, “you’ll have a big transformation in your life soon. You’ll also discover some new truths about your family, and a close family member will enter your life.”</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit,” Eren responded, “you just said the same thing about Mikasa. You’re making this up.”</p>
<p>Jean started laughing, then responded with a confident grin, “Eren, just wait and see. All of this will come true. I don’t doubt it for a second.”</p>
<p>Eren just scowled and walked away, back towards Armin and Mikasa.</p>
<p>At this point however, Jean had managed to attract the attention of the rest of their friends, and Ymir and Historia were coming over, Historia with a smile on her face dragging the unsociable Ymir over.</p>
<p>Ymir just stuck her hand out, saying nothing as she did so, not seeming to be outwardly drunk.</p>
<p>Jean examined it closely, then proposed, “Ymir, you will sacrifice a part of yourself for someone you love. Also this here is fascinating, it also seems like your fate is tied to a royal.”</p>
<p>Jean looked up at that, pleased to see the half-second of shock that was on her face before her normal mask returned.</p>
<p>“Whatever,” she muttered in reply.</p>
<p>“Me next please,” Krista smiled pleasantly, the small amount of alcohol in her system making her appear extra cheerful.</p>
<p>“You will learn to overcome your father’s expectations,” Jean paused, looking intensely at her petite hand, “and discover who you actually are.”</p>
<p>Krista gave him a curious look as he gently gave her hand back.</p>
<p>By now, Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie had made their way over to Jean. Great, just the three people Jean had wanted to see, he thought, visibly rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“Friends,” Jean greeted them, grinning viciously.</p>
<p>“Heard you were giving out fortunes?” Reiner smirked, looking amused.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I am,” Jean replied, smirking back, “Bertolt, you first.”</p>
<p>Bertolt looked slightly anxious as he gave his hand over.</p>
<p>“Interesting,” Jean commented, “see that line there?”</p>
<p>Bertolt nodded in reply, looking at Jean cautiously.</p>
<p>“That’s your heart line. And it’s telling me that your heart is split between two people. You should take some time to figure out where your heart truly lies.”</p>
<p>Bertolt looked slightly concerned as Jean moved on to Reiner.</p>
<p>“Reiner, Reiner, Reiner...it also seems like you have a big <em>split</em> in your life coming up. I recommend that you take time to reflect over what causes this split, and what it means to you <em>personally</em>.”</p>
<p>Reiner did not seem to get it, instead choosing to look at Jean like he was an idiot.</p>
<p>“Annie,” Jean turned to her, his wild grin back on his face as he examined her palm, “your turn. Hmm...it seems like you will enter a period of stasis soon. It seems like life will really tire you out. Again, use that time to reflect on how you got there in the first place. Okay?”</p>
<p>She nodded, expression on her face looking bored, but underneath it all, Jean suspected she might be thinking about it. </p>
<p>“Have I done everyone now?”</p>
<p>The rest of the group that was still paying attention nodded in reply to him, then decided to go back to their individual conversations, the crowd around Jean dispersing.</p>
<p>“Wonderful,” he said under his breath, sarcastically, before turning back to Marco.</p>
<p>Marco, who in his drunk mind seemed to look even more attractive than usual.</p>
<p>“Marco,” Jean sighed out, voice starting to sound <em>needy</em>, his eyes sweeping Marco’s frame.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jean?” Marco smiled back at him, the redness on his cheeks starting to fade away as the alcohol was slowly processed out of his blood</p>
<p>Yeah, Jean had no self control, he decided, in that moment.</p>
<p>Without a warning, he grabbed Marco’s face, forcing their lips together in a hard kiss. Marco gasped, mouth opening up as Jean took dominance of the kiss. Jean wrapped his arms around Marco’s neck, hands digging into his short black hair, and sighed when they finally broke apart.</p>
<p>Only to realize that everyone was looking at them, causing Marco to blush horribly and Jean to flip the rest of them off, before grabbing Marco’s hand and leading him out of the room. </p>
<p>“Jean, what are you doing?” Marco asked, breathless as Jean shoved him against the wall, the two of them managing to at least make it to the hallway outside of the room where the cadets beds were before Jean stopped them.</p>
<p>“I want you, Marco,” Jean downright whined, right hand slipping up under Marco’s shirt, fingers dancing up his stomach to his chest, brushing up against Marco’s left nipple, while he started to suck bruises on Marco’s neck.</p>
<p>“Jean,” Marco’s voice was getting to be terribly high, “you’re drunk.”</p>
<p>“So?” Jean moved his mouth up Marco’s jawline, peppering it with kisses all the way to his ear.</p>
<p>“Jean, we’re not going to have sex like this.”</p>
<p>“Marco,” Jean whined into Marco’s neck, but instantly stopped his movements.</p>
<p>Marco’s hand slipped into Jean’s hair, fingers running through and lightly stroking.</p>
<p>“How about we go to bed and sleep it off?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jean mumbled into Marco’s neck, “I’m sorry, Marco.”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to apologize, Jean; you just need to sleep.” Marco smiled softly back at Jean, before grabbing his hand and leading him to the barracks. </p>
<p>They quickly got ready for bed, and when they had finally laid down, Marco brushed the hair on Jean’s forehead back slightly, leaving a soft kiss there.</p>
<p>Jean just looked at him as if he was the most adored person he had ever seen in his life.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I got carried away Marco,” Jean started, speaking softly, “I’m just afraid that I’m going to lose you again, and I’ll never get the chance to know all of you. To see you and touch you and for you to be <em>whole</em>.”</p>
<p>“I know, Jean,” Marco said as he reached up to stroke Jean’s hair, “but I’m not going to leave this time. I <em>know</em> we’re gonna make it through this war.”</p>
<p>“Okay Marco,” Jean’s voice was getting sleepy, “promise?”</p>
<p>“I promise, Jean.”</p>
<p>And they went to sleep, knowing full well what was to come in the next few days, but it was okay in that moment, as Marco held Jean tight as they fell asleep, into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>---------------------------</p>
<p>(Slight) Bonus Scene</p>
<p>
  <em>The Next Morning</em>
</p>
<p>Jean woke up the next morning, head pounding slightly, face pressed into the space between Marco’s neck and chest.</p>
<p>“Marco?” he groggily asked, sitting up so that he could stretch his arms out. He looked over to his left to see Marco still sleeping, but beginning to rouse.</p>
<p>He could tell, because he saw the peace on Marco’s face give way to realization, and realization give way to facing the day. </p>
<p>Jean just smiled at Marco, bending down to kiss him softly on his forehead. Marco, still half-asleep, opened his eyes to the sight of Jean smiling above him.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Marco,” Jean smirked.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Jean,” Marco replied, feeling half tempted to hit Jean with the pillow just for the expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Quick question—” Marco let at a small groan as Jean started to speak, “what the everliving fuck happened last night?”</p>
<p>Yeah, Marco thought, he was <em>definitely</em> going to hit Jean with the freaking pillow.</p>
<p>“Where do I start?” Marco dryly questioned. “You got shitfaced drunk,” Jean let out a small gasp at Marco’s <em>specific</em> choice of words, “you proceeded to give out <em>fortunes, you idiot</em>, and then your horny ass dragged me back here.”</p>
<p>“Well I knew about all of that, I wasn’t <em>that</em> drunk.” Jean smirked, looking all too pleased with himself.</p>
<p>“Then what were you asking about?” Marco <em>was</em> not awake enough for this.</p>
<p>“I was talking about that—” and Jean pointed to Marco’s neck, and it was now his turn to let out a small gasp, while Jean immediately started laughing at his reaction. “I can’t believe I really gave you a hickey Marco, c’mon, this is <em>hilarious</em>,” he cackled, loudly.</p>
<p>“Can someone please shut Kirstein the HELL UP? <em>Some</em> of us are trying to SLEEP!” one of their (hungover) friends yelled out, seeming to be either Connie or Eren.</p>
<p>Jean just dissolved into laughter, sitting back in bed, and Marco allowed himself to give a small smile at him.</p>
<p>It was nice, Marco determined in that moment, for them to have at least <em>one</em> humorous moment that morning, because they both knew what was coming the next day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone! thanks for all the comments and kudos &lt;3. next up: Trost Time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. It's Trost Time Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trost starts over again, Jean has to beg his friends to believe in him (he starts to lose it a little bit), the Attack Titan comes to save the day, and they finally make it into Headquarters.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Trost: the Beginning (aka: It’s Trost Time Again)</ins>
</p>
<p>Graduation. Everyone was sitting around talking. How could the rest of them not feel excited, knowing that they were just moments away from actually joining the military <em>for real</em>?</p>
<p>However, it didn't take a genius to observe the sour mood that Jean was in. He hadn’t left Marco’s side at all that day, had not taken part in conversation with anyone other than Marco, and something dangerous glinted in his eyes, and it matched the scowl he was wearing on his face.</p>
<p>Jean didn’t seem happy at all, even though the results were finalized and he knew that he finished second in their class. Usually that would make a recruit ecstatic, but Jean just seemed….different. </p>
<p>He was guarded, watchful, as he watched the rest of his friends talk. </p>
<p>They were busy discussing what regiments they were all going to join, and Jean’s scowl just grew as he listened.</p>
<p>He had already been through this, <em>goddamn</em>, and he was not in the mood to discuss the <em>same things again</em>, not with him now knowing what was going to happen.</p>
<p>Adrenaline was just coursing through his body the entire day, anticipation not even the right word for it.</p>
<p>It was more like an anticipatory dread, Jean determined. But anyways, back to his friends’ conversations. </p>
<p>Eren, vocal as always about joining the Scouts, was presently trying to convert other recruits to his ways. He had tried to get Jean to join him in this, knowing that Jean and Mikasa were both going to join the Scouts now, and as the top two recruits it looked nice on paper, but Jean was absolutely not going to try to convince others to join.</p>
<p>Jean knew the fate awaiting the majority of the Scouts in the future. How could he possibly try to convince others to join, and then not feel guilty as he watched them die one by one? Might as well let them go to the Garrison instead, and let them have a semblance of a life.</p>
<p>Armin and Mikasa were among those who had already decided on joining the Scouts alongside Eren, and the rest of them? Jean didn't give a damn on what they thought right now about joining the Scouts, not when he knew everything was going to change after this, not when he couldn’t focus on anything other than the crushing feeling in his chest telling him that some of these people were going to die today. And the ones that survived? </p>
<p>If they were smart, Jean thought darkly, they’ll run straight away from the Scouts.</p>
<p>Jean just continued watching, watched them all, watched as Eren and Connie were assigned to the cannons on the top of Trost’s wall.</p>
<p>Jean noticed how Bertolt was somehow missing, mysteriously not there beside his bestie Reiner.</p>
<p>“Hey Jaeger! Connie!” Jean called out, as they were exiting. This drew quite a few glances from the rest of the cadets, startling them as this was the first time Jean had spoken to any of them today.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Connie replied, soundly slightly confused.</p>
<p>“Be careful out there,” Jean’s voice sounded slightly gruff, but it was the hardened expression on his face that really clued the other into the fact that something was off about Jean.</p>
<p>“Why are you—” Eren started, but was swiftly interrupted.</p>
<p>“Just be careful and don’t fall off the damn wall, Jaeger,” Jean retorted back, satire dripping into his voice.</p>
<p>He watched as those two left, and also didn’t refuse to meet anyone else’s eyes, choosing instead to mirror their concerned looks with deadened ones of his own. </p>
<p>Jean looked right back, unflinchingly when he saw Reiner and Annie inquisitively studying him. Did they know, he questioned internally, did they realize what destruction was to come from their actions? Were they suspicious of him, of the way he had been acting? Would they be suspicious after today? Were they prepared for what was to come? More importantly, did they <em>care</em> at all?</p>
<p>His thoughts were interrupted as Marco walked up next to him, locking their hands together and his thumb rubbing small circles on Jean’s hand.</p>
<p>“Stay by me?” Jean whispered, looking over to Marco, face softening slightly upon seeing a worried Marco.</p>
<p>“Always.” Marco replied back.</p>
<p>And then? Everything went to fucking shit.</p>
<p>A short time later, chaos fucking erupted at the news that the Colossal Titan was back, and people were screaming, people were crying, people were <em>scared</em>.</p>
<p>Jean didn't know how Reiner and Annie had the audacity to pretend to be shocked, pretend to be afraid like the rest of them knowing damn well they caused this. Jean couldn’t even muster up an expression of shock himself, adrenaline rushing into his blood and his mind already hyperfocused on the ensuing battle.</p>
<p>They were immediately ordered into squads to join the battle. The main objectives were to save civilians, and to protect each other while evacuating the city. Oh, and hope to whatever gods were above that the Armored Titan didn’t show up to damn us all, by destroying Wall Rose.</p>
<p>Jean was not paying complete attention to his superior officers until he heard his name, and realized that Marco was not in his squad, instead getting his own squad, like before. But this was not going to slide with Jean this time.</p>
<p>“Sir, Marco Bott needs to be in my squad.” Jean straight up interrupted the officer handing down assignments. Marco <em>needed</em> to be in his squad, he had to be because Jean would <em>fucking</em> lose it if he didn’t know where Marco was during the battle.</p>
<p>“Stand down Kirstein, Bott finished in the top ten and is more than capable of leading his own squad—”</p>
<p>“It’s okay sir,” Marco stepped in, seeing the ever increasing murderous expression on Jean’s face, “I would prefer to be in his squad.”</p>
<p>The officer just looked at the new cadets with typical disgruntledness, and waved it off.</p>
<p>Shortly afterwards, they were released into Trost. They were all just children, Jean thought with disgust. How were they supposed to accomplish anything in Trost today? It was like they were sending them to their deathbeds. Their orders were supposed to be protecting the vanguard forces at the front of the lines, however, Jean was not focused on that at all.</p>
<p>Jean’s personal orders? Protect himself and his squad, and anyone else he can save along the way. If they really wanted soldiers to take them seriously and follow their orders, Jean mused, maybe they should pick someone other than a fifteen year old to be in charge.</p>
<p>“Okay everyone, here’s the plan: if you get scared, leave, I don’t give a fuck. I will not begrudge you saving your own skin, but if you stay, know that I will do everything in my power to make sure you survive. You cannot hesitate out here. Hesitating will cost you your life. Understood?”</p>
<p>The rest of the cadets nodded. Within his group, he had Marco, and then three other cadets who had all finished well below the top ten: Rachel Fischer, a short blonde girl not too unlike Historia who seemed terrified for her life; Adam Fischer, her twin brother with dark brown hair who seemed capable but had brushed off most of training; and Lise Nasrith, a slightly taller girl with black hair who was fierce, yet lacked the innate physical strength needed to be a better soldier.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, and all of you are free to call me Jean. We might not all survive today, so please skip the formalities. And yeah, if you know what’s good for you, don’t get ahead of me.”</p>
<p>And with a small kiss on Marco’s cheek, and a small squeeze of his hand, Jean took off; flying through the streets towards the vanguard. The rest of them took off after him, but quickly watched in awe as Jean tore into the nearest Titan in front of them with blinding accuracy, brutally ripping out its nape before looking back to check on the rest of the squad. </p>
<p>Jean continued forward, fighting in a flurry in front of his squad, barely pausing in between his first two kills, Titan blood from the second splattering onto his body before steaming off. He used the ODM gear like he had been born to, flying through the streets with a striking familiarity and ease. He did not hesitate, not for one second. </p>
<p>Out of breath, Jean managed to pause on a nearby rooftop, and allowed his squad to catch up with him. Even Marco was slightly taken aback by Jean’s actions, even while knowing that Jean had years of experience under his belt. The other three recruits though? They were thoroughly shaken, shocked that Jean had managed to do that. He had fought like a veteran scout, and they had <em>never</em> seen anyone fight like that.</p>
<p>“Are you all okay?” Jean asked, breathless.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jean, we’re fine, but you’re going to overexert yourself at this pace.” The worry was evident in Marco’s voice as he walked over to Jean after landing, crouching down next to him to see where he was looking.</p>
<p>It was towards the gate. There was no sight of the Colossal Titan, and Jean knew that Bertolt was long gone by now, joined back with the Scouts, but still some part of him expected to see that horrible face looming over the wall.</p>
<p>“Change of plans, squad.” Something dark took over Jean’s eyes. “We need to start heading towards the headquarters, we’re going to need more gas if we want to make it out of here alive. By the looks of it—” his eyes hardened as he looked in the direction of the headquarters, taking in the fires and Titans steadily streaming in that direction, “they’re going to need the help. Try your best to stay out of conflict, and don’t waste gas.”</p>
<p>And with that, Jean took over again, the rest of his squad following behind closely. Headquarters was a good distance away, even with using the ODM gear, and so they quickly set off, bouncing around, rooftop to rooftop, avoiding the smaller Titans littering the streets below. They had to stop and pause at one point, as a taller Titan gained sight of them and reached up to grab at Rachel. Bloodthirst evident on his face, Jean came bearing down brutally on it, carving the nape from it, and Rachel was unceremoniously dropped from its grip back onto the rooftop.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Jean yelled out, making sure his voice would carry over to the entirety of his squad, as he zipped over to her. </p>
<p>Rachel, shaken, just nodded in reply.</p>
<p>“Gear still working?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it is, Kirste—I mean Jean.” She replied, shakenness buried deep into her voice, also evident in her widened eyes.</p>
<p>“Okay, let’s keep moving before the rest of its friends arrive.”</p>
<p>They kept going, minutes upon minutes passing before eventually coming to a stop a few blocks away from headquarters, Jean noting in disgust how the Titans had already overrun the outside of the building. The cowards there really had not accomplished anything. He was about to turn to the rest of his squad, trying to figure out how to tell them that they needed to wait, when he noticed a squad flying in in the background.</p>
<p>“Connie!” He screamed, waving the shorter boy and his squad over towards himself. That was when he noticed the other people with Connie. Armin, looking catatonic and like he was in shock. Hannah, whose arm was in a makeshift bloody sling, and another cadet, carrying Franz, who seemed to be hanging on his life with a thread this time, only one of his legs ripped off instead of his whole bottom half, unlike how it had been before. </p>
<p>They were alive, Jean realized, half in shock, half in gratitude.</p>
<p>“Is everyone okay?” Jean’s voice was slightly breathless, as he walked over towards Connie, who seemed to be one of the only ones holding himself together.</p>
<p>“We’ve lost people, Jean. We’re also running out of gas. We don’t have enough for all of us to retreat when the order comes. And you’ve seen the state headquarters is in.” Connie replied, looking Jean dead in the eyes, voice solemn and subdued.</p>
<p>“Fuck!” Jean cursed out quietly, when he first heard that people were lost, because he knew that it would be true, but that didn’t make it any easier for him to accept. He had been hoping, praying to whatever cursed gods were above that more people would make it out, but even then, too many people were going to die here today. After Connie finished, he decided to ask the question he was dreading knowing the answer to. “I figured as much. How is Armin?”</p>
<p>Connie faltered at that question, voice cracking, “Armin, he’s….<em>fuck Jean</em>, Eren’s dead.”</p>
<p>Jean was floored as the memory of hearing those words the first time tore through his brain. He remembered a flurry of feelings, he had been stunned, hadn’t wanted to believe it, because even though Eren was a suicidal maniac, Jean just never actually expected him to die, not that early, not in <em>Trost, for god’s sake</em>.</p>
<p>The rest of his squad, excluding Marco, were deeply shocked at Connie’s news, and it showed on their faces. Marco looked sad as well, but without the element of surprise to subdue the genuine sorrow in his expression.</p>
<p>“I was afraid of that much,” Jean sounded deeply regretful, letting the sorrow over all of his fallen comrades wash over his face. He walked over to Armin, and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Armin? Armin, are you okay?” Jean’s voice softened at the site of the crying, catatonic boy, and the others watched him, fearful yet curious.</p>
<p>“Armin, it’s going to be okay—” Jean started, but was swiftly interrupted by Armin starting to break down again, tears furiously rushing down his face, voice pleading and angry and deadened all at once.</p>
<p>“It’s not okay! It was <em>my</em> fault and now Eren is <em>dead</em> and you all should have left me behind because I’m useless and I should just <em>die, please just let me die</em>—”</p>
<p>“No, Armin. You’re not useless. You’re not going to die today. You need to get a hold of yourself, because we are going to <em>need</em> you,” Jean commanded with such conviction in his voice that it stopped Armin in his tracks, eyes blinking up at Jean in shock. </p>
<p>“Armin,” Jean paused, voice getting soft as his heart broke at yet again the sight of a broken Armin, Jean <em>hated</em> seeing one of his closest friends reduced to <em>this</em>, he couldn’t fucking handle doing this, not again, he had to say <em>something</em>, “I don’t know how to explain this to you, but I don’t think Eren is dead. I’ve—” Jean’s voice cracked again, starting to sound unsteady and unsure, “I’ve seen this all before,” he gestured around to Trost, “and I’ve seen Eren. I’ve….I’ve seen him past Trost. He’s, fuck I don’t know how to explain it, but you have to trust me Armin, I think he’s alive.”</p>
<p>This was the breaking point for Armin, fully shocking him out of his self deprecating wallowing, eyes beginning to widen in understanding. “You mean….those drawings, <em>oh my god</em> they were of this? Trost? That’s why you were acting off this morning, you’ve been dreaming, <em>screaming</em>, about this Trost, about these Titans attacking in Trost?”</p>
<p>Jean nodded in reply, face looking sober, and began to softly speak, “I didn’t want any of those dreams to be real, Armin; they are my worst nightmares, and I was <em>afraid</em>, but now they’ve come true and so I think I know a better way out of this.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Armin asked, fear in his voice.</p>
<p>“I mean that I know how to get all of us out of here, and hopefully not lose any more lives.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about? Jean you’re acting insane, have you fucking lost it?” Connie walked over towards them, shock and concern evident on his face.</p>
<p>Marco, cautiously watching all of this, took this as his cue to step in. “Connie, Jean is not making this up. I know it’s hard to understand right now, and we’re all still coming to terms with this, and this is entirely traumatic for all of us, but we are standing in Jean’s hometown right now and he has been seeing images of this for months, all for his worst dreams to come true. Cut him some slack, right now, please.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s giving Armin false hope! He’s obviously lost it, Eren is dead, and—”</p>
<p>“Eren is dead?”</p>
<p>They all whipped around at the sound of that voice, shocked to see a stunned Mikasa, who must have nearly silently zipped in while they were arguing.</p>
<p>“Mikasa,” Jean stood up dizzyingly fast, facing her, “have you happened to see an abnormal Titan with long brown hair, striking green eyes, and a penchant for ripping up other Titans?”</p>
<p>Appearing even more shocked, Mikasa answered, “Yes….Jean how could you possibly know about that?”</p>
<p>With conviction Jean replied, “The same way that I know Eren is still alive. How is your gas supply? Your blades?”</p>
<p>“Running out,” she seemed to look at Jean with an expression he had never seen her give him before, in fact it was like she was actually looking at Jean for once, instead of looking over Jean.</p>
<p>“Here’s what we need to do: lure that abnormal towards here, and get him to attack and distract the rest of the Titans so that we can get into the headquarters to resupply. If we don’t do that, we all won’t have enough gas to retreat.”</p>
<p>“Jean, this is insane,” Connie nervously started to speak again, looking at Jean with worry, “you’re asking us to risk our lives—”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you to risk your lives! I’m saying if we don’t do this, dozens of us will die trying to get into headquarters!” Jean’s voice started to raise, and he was looking more and more unstable and unhinged.</p>
<p>“How do you know that—” Connie reasonably questioned, but was swiftly interrupted.</p>
<p>“BECAUSE I’VE SEEN IT!” Jean screamed in retaliation, a scary look entering his eyes. He seemed haunted.</p>
<p>“Jean—” Marco tried to calm Jean down, settling a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“No!” Jean, seeming to compose himself, allowed his voice to return to an emotional yet cold state. “I’m not asking any of you to risk your lives, but I’m asking you for your trust right now. Believe in me, even though I can’t prove it yet,” Jean glanced around, seeing how the amount of cadets had grown since he had gone over to Armin, noting the three traitors cautiously watching in the background, “but that abnormal Titan is our ally. And I’m not asking you to risk your lives, <em>no, I’ll</em> be the one to lure it here.”</p>
<p>Voices started up, and everyone started to argue again.</p>
<p>“I believe him.” Reiner confidently spoke up over the others from the back, standing tall and looking at Jean with an analytical glint in his eyes.</p>
<p>“It makes sense,” Armin spoke up, startling Mikasa and Connie next to him, “Jean’s drawings, it makes sense. The way he has been acting today, that one drawing of Marco….” Jean visibly flinched at that, and Marco’s hand tightened on his shoulder, “so I think,” and then Armin looked up at Jean, eyes wide and childlike, “that we have to believe Jean.”</p>
<p>That seemed to be enough confirmation for Mikasa, Armin’s belief in Jean plus her own deep wanting for Eren to be alive. “Well Kirstein? Let’s go lure him here.”</p>
<p>Jean nodded, fully composed now with all emotion drained out of his body. He looked like a man who had seen war before, eyes deadening as he focused in the direction of the Attack Titan. He broke slightly when Marco entered his field of vision, worry evident on Marco’s face.</p>
<p>“Jean, please promise me you’ll be careful.” Marco sighed, looking at Jean with concern.</p>
<p>“Marco,” Jean softened at the sight of him, before pulling Marco’s face down to meet his, pouring every feeling of worry, anguish, and most importantly love into a passionate kiss, before breaking it off after a moment, “I love you, Marco. Stay safe?”</p>
<p>Marco nodded, trembling slightly, Jean’s hands still on his face. </p>
<p>“Wait, Jean, do you need more blades?” Armin’s eyes were transfixed upon his equipment, shocked to see dulled blades there. That would mean—</p>
<p>“You’ve killed Titans?” Connie, stunned, asked the question that was on all of their minds. It made sense for Mikasa to have dulled her blades, she was astonishing in her abilities, truly gifted in the art of war, and she had been sent to the rear guard for a reason. But Jean? Even though he was second in the class, most of the other cadets had faltered at the sight of Titans, unable to fight or kill them, and even the most talented hesitated. </p>
<p>Jean shrugged in response, nonchalantly mentioning, “It’s easy to believe that you can do it when you’ve seen yourself do it before,” while replacing his blades with Armin, who had wordlessly offered him his blades. “Keep a set for yourself Armin, you never know when you might need them.” and with that he looked Armin in the eyes, and for a second Jean thought Armin could spot something in them, an understanding, a wisdom that came from the experience and knowledge of the future. But with a blink, it was gone.</p>
<p>“Are you ready, Kirstein?” Mikasa had no emotion in her voice, and her face was looking deadened as she seemed ready to kill every Titan in her path, if that would lead her back to Eren.</p>
<p>Jean nodded, replying with a “Let’s go, Mikasa,” and then they were off.</p>
<p>Even though they were in a perilous situation, Jean still noted how he had never felt freer than when he was flying through the air using the ODM equipment. He felt the wind whip through his hair, howling through his ears, cutting through his skin.</p>
<p>It was almost like he could just close his eyes and feel completely unattached from the world and its problems.</p>
<p>Regaining his focus though, he closely followed Mikasa through the air in the direction of the Attack Titan. He could distantly hear it’s battle roar, and Jean felt disgustingly nostalgic for those days when Eren as a Titan was inspiring, and his presence on the battlefield was comforting, instead of wholly terrifying. He would much rather take raging, angsty Eren over the depressive, lifeless, and <em>genocidal</em> Eren he had last seen.</p>
<p>Jean and Mikasa managed to stop on a rooftop a few houses away from where Eren was tearing into another Titan. </p>
<p>“So what’s your plan?” Mikasa sounded almost bored, emotionless, at first glance, but years of being friends had clued Jean in to more of the nuance she was capable of. She was barely hanging on, worried about Eren, and moments away from letting her bottled up emotions impact her fighting, turning her reckless. </p>
<p>“Mikasa, you have to know that we aren’t doing this in vain. I need you to keep yourself together, because you need to be composed. For Eren’s sake.”</p>
<p>“How do you know? How do you know he’s alive Jean?” Her voice sounded almost accusatory.</p>
<p>“You just have to trust me, trust Armin. I wouldn’t say it if I didn't believe it myself, had seen it myself. We’ll find him soon enough, but first we need to get into headquarters. And to do that, we need that.” With that, Jean pointed at the Attack Titan, who was savagely beating upon a new Titan. “Let’s fly up by it and see if we can get its attention, and if we can’t get its direct attention, we’re bound to get the rest of the mindless horde’s attention.”</p>
<p>The two of them then proceeded to fly up close to Eren, Jean managing to get much closer, holding no real fear towards the creature in front of him.</p>
<p>“It’s not going to attack you?” Mikasa yelled, voice carrying over towards Jean.</p>
<p>“Not right now at least!” Jean yelled back, his grin evident on his face. This was the familiarity he had missed, this glorious weapon in front of him that most of all had represented hope once. “Hey buddy, missed ya!” Jean yelled at the Attack Titan, managing to catch its interest. “I know where to find you some new Titans to beat up, if you don’t mind following us!”</p>
<p>Titan Eren just looked at Jean, before losing interest to the smaller Titan on the ground who subsequently was also looking at Jean. Jean quickly zipped out of the way, watching Eren rip the smaller Titan to pieces. </p>
<p>However, it seemed like some of Jean’s words managed to hit Eren’s subconscious, and as they flew a few houses closer to headquarters, Eren followed, destroying the Titans littering the streets in between them. They proceeded like that, jumping from house to house, allowing the Titans nearby to gain sight of them, and then luring Eren closer to them. </p>
<p>This continued for many slow moving, tense filled minutes, Mikasa and Jean slowly figuring out the best pattern to move, the best roofs to land on, and eventually they could directly see headquarters in the distance, plus their teammates, who had managed to attract a shit ton of Titans surrounding their buildings in the meantime. Jean could tell, even with the distance, the absolute panic that the cadets possessed, marooned by Titans.</p>
<p>Eren had also noticed the plethora of Titans in the vicinity, and didn’t even wait for Mikasa and Jean to move over there before charging at the crowd of Titans, starting to rip them up, one by one.</p>
<p>Jean, slightly panicking because it seemed like the rest of the cadets were panicking, quickly zipped over, landing next to Marco and Connie, Mikasa following a second or two later.</p>
<p>“Hey everyone!” Jean grinned, seeming to be very chipper for the situation they were all in. Hey, everyone had their coping mechanisms. </p>
<p>“Jean!” Marco called out, rushing over to him as he landed. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m great, baby,” Jean gave Marco a cocky ass grin, “I found our old friend.”</p>
<p>“Marco, you do know that Jean is <em>fucking crazy</em> right?” Connie questioned, sounding like he was in utter disbelief.</p>
<p>“Connie,” Jean started to smirk, “I’m not crazy. This crazy Titan? That’s our ticket out of here.” At this, the other cadets started to pay attention. “See how it’s ignoring all of us up here? It won’t touch us, instead it will stay out here, focusing on killing all the Titans in the area. We need to use this to our advantage and attack headquarters right now, before it’s too late.”</p>
<p>Everyone was too busy being stunned by the Attack Titan that Jean had pointed out to pay too much more attention to Jean. The way that Eren brutally ripped into the fellow Titans was something none of them had ever seen before, besides Jean and Marco. </p>
<p>Jean did look around at this, wanting to judge the looks specifically on the traitor’s faces. Bertolt seemed to carry that same apprehension, same worry that he always did, but the shock on his face wasn’t out of complete surprise. It was more like he was shocked to see something like that here. Reiner seemed to look harder somehow, face drawn in an unsympathetic manner, showing to Jean that he was in full ‘warrior’ mode, none of the kind and empathetic Reiner they had grown to love. Annie seemed to be slightly shocked, her eyes widened, and seemed more analytical than anything, but then again Jean didn’t have a lot of experience reading her facial expressions.</p>
<p>“Everyone!” Jean yelled, directing their attention away from Eren and towards himself. “We need to move into headquarters while we have the chance! The best way in is through those windows at the top, let’s go!” And with that, Jean rallied the troops, and moments later, glass was shattering upon the floor, stunning the people barricading inside, them watching in shock as dozens of cadets came crashing through the panels.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone! much love to you all &lt;3, and i appreciate all the comments and kudos so much</p>
<p>it's been a rough week (i think organic chemistry is going to kill me and my GPA, hoping that i didn't fail my exam yesterday)</p>
<p>also if anyone ever wants to talk to me, you can find me on twitter @candy_cubed</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Headquarters Heist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The crew breaks into Headquarters, Jean and Marco share a tender moment, they get some motherfucking gas, and the identity of the Attack Titan is revealed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Trost: Headquarters Heist</ins>
</p>
<p>Jean waited a few moments for the rest of the cadets as they poured through the windows behind him. </p>
<p>He took those brief few moments to try to remember, in detail, how this had gone down before. He recalled being upset, and yelling at these cowards up here, in an attempt to somehow distract himself from the pain of all the comrades he had lost getting up here the first time.</p>
<p>He remembered how Marco had to hold him back, <em>always</em> had to be the one to hold him back, because Jean had been ready to choose <em>violence</em> quite often, and especially when it came to the cowards up here.</p>
<p>This time however? He would keep it together. For Marco’s sake, for his sake, for the sake of all the people he had saved today, and for <em>all the people who had died today</em>, he needed to keep himself together.</p>
<p>However, that did not mean that these cowards of a supply squad were free of criticism, and Jean was going to let them know just how he felt.</p>
<p>Waiting a few moments to make sure that everyone had gotten in safely, Jean then turned to pointedly look at the supply team. Addressing them, Jean swiftly condemned them. “Do any of you realize what your actions here have done today? People died, trying to get here. People died, protecting you. Braver soldiers died for you,” he said with disgust, “I would prefer to spend more time either punching you all in the face or continuing to criticize you, but Titans are going to start coming, grabbing in through these broken windows in a few seconds so we need to start heading towards the interior of the building. Let’s go, <em>now</em>.”</p>
<p>People started filing inside, just as Jean heard the first scream from one of the last cadets to fly in. Some of the Titans were trying to follow them in, as Jean had expected, and as he rushed over, he saw that Eren, a short distance away, couldn’t take care of all of the Titans at once.</p>
<p>“Everyone get back! Move to the interior!” Jean shouted, some of his friends assisting, orderly moving people inwards, while Jean himself got his blades out, preparing to face the Titans. </p>
<p>However, he looked over to his right, and was surprised to see Mikasa standing next to him, also ready to face the Titans. That was new, he noted, in minor confusion.</p>
<p>He had remembered this exact moment before, when he was speaking to his own squad, telling them that they couldn’t hesitate when it came to Titans, because he had faltered in this moment the first time. He had felt so small, so insignificant, facing the Titans looming over the Headquarters, and in that moment had prepared himself to die in Trost, before Eren (ugh) had saved him.</p>
<p>This time, however, turns out all the Attack Titan needed to see was Mikasa standing there, directly in harm’s way, and it roared, charging towards them, punching the Titans facing them and dragging them down to the ground, before savagely beating them to death, ripping apart their limbs and extremities.</p>
<p>Never get on Titan Eren’s bad side, Jean made a mental note, half horrified and half impressed to again see how efficiently and brutally Eren worked in Titan form.</p>
<p>“Let’s go, the abnormal will take care of it,” Jean said, his awe and horror leaching into his voice, looking over at Mikasa inquisitively, trying to read her expression.</p>
<p>She nodded in reply, startledly focused, <em>a little too focused</em>, Jean noted, on watching Eren as he brutally destroyed another Titan, this time by ripping the head straight off.</p>
<p>“C’mon,” Jean urged Mikasa softly, turning away from the broken windows, and glancing his face reflected back from the broken glass.</p>
<p>The two of them quickly descended into the interior of the building, meeting back up with their friends. Who, in the meantime (in Jean’s absence), had all started arguing again.</p>
<p>“Well what are we supposed to do about the shorter Titans down there?” Jean heard Connie’s voice rise above the crowd, sounding a bit panicky.</p>
<p>“Well has Armin come up with a plan?” Jean interrupted them, voice loud and strong enough to dissipate the rest of the voices, stepping into the thick of the crowd to reach his friends. They all turned and stared at him in shock, like they were surprised that he had made it down here alive. Marco, Jean noted, didn’t look shocked, but he looked scared, and that made Jean’s heart bleed, and made some part of him deep down see red, made him want to kill whatever had made Marco scared. He needed to focus, however, and be a leader to the rest of these children in front of him. Smirk appearing on his face, Jean waved off his friends’ concern, “Yeah, yeah, we’re still alive, let’s move on. If it helps with anything you’ve all been discussing, there’s a broom closet over there filled with old firearms that could be helpful.” Jean pointed back towards the closet, conveniently one of those they had passed walking into the room. </p>
<p>“Did you kill those Titans?” Reiner blurted out, eyes studying Jean, his expression, the way he carried himself.</p>
<p>“No,” Jean replied shortly, “the abnormal saw us and the Titans and then attacked them. I had nothing to do with it.”  Hey, it was the truth.</p>
<p>“Can we get back to the fact that there are seven smaller Titans down there right now and we need to get to the gas?” Jean could clearly hear the annoyance masking the panic in Connie’s voice.</p>
<p>“Armin,” Jean turned to him, looking at him with the sureness and confidence Armin himself wished he possessed, “have you thought about a solution?”</p>
<p>Armin looked up at him, eyes wide, <em>and god he looked so young</em>, Jean thought. “Actually, I do have an idea. Those guns you mention could be a big help.” </p>
<p>Jean listened intently as Armin explained his newly revised plan, completely mirroring the one from the first time. He, Reiner, Annie, Bertolt, Mikasa, Connie, and Sasha would stay suspended in the rafters, while the rest of the cadets would distract the seven of the four meter Titans. They would use the old guns to blind the Titans, then the seven elite would descend upon the Titans and dispose of them. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to go, Jean thought offhandedly as Armin explained it. He could remember that Connie and Sasha were the ones who missed, and so he accordingly planned to position himself next to one of them, so that he could take out one of their missed targets. Jean assumed that Mikasa or Annie would get the other one, as had gone down last time, but if not he could always step up.</p>
<p>“Does anyone object to this plan?” Armin asked, voice subdued as he finally finished explaining. He was afraid, Jean realized, that no one would think it was a good idea. He was afraid that no one believed in him, and so he couldn’t even believe in himself.</p>
<p>“It’s a good plan, Armin.” Jean affirmed, hoping that Armin would feel more confident from his assurance.</p>
<p>At the same time, Mikasa spoke up, “Armin, your plans have saved us before. They’ll continue to save us again.”</p>
<p>With the agreement from the rest of the cadets, Armin at least seemed reassured. They all started to move into position, and within the chaos Jean navigated through, searching for Marco.</p>
<p>“Marco,” he sighed out, finally catching sight of him. He hated it, hated every second that he couldn’t see Marco, every second that he was away from him. He knew he was too needy, too attached, but he had good reason to be.</p>
<p>“Jean!” Marco turned around, lighting up at the sight of Jean. He crushed Jean in a deliberating hug, picking the smaller boy up off the ground slightly. “Oh, Jean, why do you always have to go and throw yourself into danger.”</p>
<p>“Because I know I’ll be fine, baby,” Jean smirked back, easily wrapping his arms around Marco’s neck.</p>
<p>“Promise me you’ll be careful?”</p>
<p>“Always.” Jean gave Marco a quick kiss, and reached down to squeeze Marco’s hands. “We’ll get through this, Marco. Stay safe, love.” And with that, he squeezed Marco’s hands once more, and then turned to go back into his position above the rafters. He locked eyes with Marco once again as he got into the lift, and Jean watched, internally worried for Marco even while knowing that it was all going to turn out okay, as they descended into the Titan-filled supply room.</p>
<p>Jean and the other six then descended onto the rafters themselves, and Jean watched the scene from above, noting the striking resemblance from the first time around. Back then, he had been insanely nervous, basically only running on those nerves and the base desire to <em>live</em> through the day. Now, he regarded the scene with a battle hardened calm. He could feel the tension in the air, as the Titans moved closer and closer to the lowering lift. He could feel the nerves of the people around him, and that left a prickly feeling in the air. He had placed himself to the left of Connie so that he could kill his Titan (assuming he’d miss again), and he calmly looked over to see a bead of sweat running down the side of Connie’s face, which was just barely hiding his trepidation under a faltering mask. Going around the circle counter clockwise, Jean noted everyone’s positions: Sasha was to Connie’s right, and then Mikasa, Annie, Bertolt, and then finally Reiner, who was to Jean’s left. He focused back down towards the lift, watching as the Titans lumbered closer and closer to the cadets.</p>
<p>Suddenly, it was like a fuse had lit. Gunpowder smoke went up into the air, and flashes of light bounced through the room, and Jean breathed that heavy smoke into his lungs as the room that was previously silent enough to hear a pin drop turned into a battlefield, affronting the ears.</p>
<p>Within a second, the seven of them had jumped down from the rafters, and Jean, blindingly fast, unflinchingly dug his blades into his Titan’s nape, pleased to see it drop dead immediately. Looking over to see that Connie had missed again, he didn’t hesitate to run over and claw his blades into that one’s neck too, turning around to see a haunted Connie staring back at him. Jean quickly surveyed the rest of the room, noting the currently six dead Titans. That meant—</p>
<p>He was drawn out of his thoughts by Sasha’s scream, and looked over to see a terrified Sasha, face to face with her Titan. Jean barely caught Mikasa out of the corner of his eye, using that Ackerman speed and skill, to brutally rip into the Titan, saving Sasha not a second too late. With that, Jean let out a sigh of relief that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and then paused to attend to Connie.</p>
<p>“Oi! Connie! Are you alright?”</p>
<p>Connie still had the stunned expression on his face, his eyes wide in shock and disbelief. “I—I didn’t think that, god, I could’ve <em>died</em>—”</p>
<p>“Connie,” Jean made sure that his voice was level and calm, “it’s okay. The best of us will falter sometimes. I know you’ll get the next one bro.” And with that, Jean grasped Connie’s shoulder, patting him on the back, jolting him out of his shock. </p>
<p>Jean then made his way over to the slowly streaming of people out of the lift, and waited patiently for Marco, leaning against the nearby wall. There was going to be plenty of time to get gas, he mused. </p>
<p>Finally spotting Marco, Jean grinned as he walked over, pulling Marco into another hug. “You all did good, Marco,” he murmured up against his ear, and Marco could feel Jean’s grin on his skin.</p>
<p>Marco hugged him back tightly. “I saw that you got Connie’s,” he muttered back, arms tightening around Jean. “You really do need to be more careful with yourself, I can’t have you going on suicide misssions, Jean.” Marco teased lightly, but there was a serious undertone of worry in his voice.</p>
<p>“They aren’t suicide missions, Marco, please give me some credit, I’m not Eren.” Jean rolled his eyes, but there was a small smile on his face anyways. He pulled back from the hug slightly, so that he could look Marco straight in the eyes. “I can’t die now that I’ve finally got you.” </p>
<p>Jean’s growing smile there was genuine and his eyes were bright as he looked up at Marco with adoration in his gaze. Marco couldn’t help but to lean down and give him a soft kiss, and Jean gently closed his eyes and opened up his mouth underneath the soft direction of Marco’s lips. God, Jean just <em>melted</em> under Marco’s touch.</p>
<p>Moving his arms around Marco’s neck and deepening their kiss, Jean hadn’t even realized as the moments passed that someone was trying to speak to them. He was too busy being mesmerized by the taste of Marco’s mouth, and the softness of Marco’s hair as he ran his fingers up through it.</p>
<p>“Oi! OI!”</p>
<p>Jean broke off the kiss, pausing for a moment to dig his head into Marco’s neck, before turning around and glaring at whoever had dared interrupt them.</p>
<p>It was Reiner. He was watching them, but it was more like studying them. Jean could tell that his grin wasn’t the one of Reiner as their friend, but the grin of the traitor. His eyes held that analytical glint to them, and Jean could see the tension held in his body.</p>
<p>Reiner was suspicious of him, Jean realized.</p>
<p>“Hey <em>lover boys</em>, you need to get gas before they run out.” Reiner said with a slight sneer in his voice, allowing that taunting tone to just slip through.</p>
<p><em>God</em>, he was just <em>begging</em> to get hit.</p>
<p>“We’re coming,” Jean replied shortly, gritting his teeth. He paused for a few moments, slightly shocked when Reiner made no move to leave them by themselves, instead choosing to lean there against a wall, watching them sharply.</p>
<p>Fine, Jean thought haughtily, if that’s how we’re going to play it, then we will.</p>
<p>“Let’s go, Jean,” Marco broke the tension with his soft voice, the voice that could move mountains and destroy kingdoms, so silkily and smoothly persuasive, able to diffuse tension and convince the most stubborn of mankind to give in to what he said. Maybe that was just how Jean saw it, though. Without a doubt, he would start wars and kill hundreds of men, if that voice asked him to do it. Marco was his Helen, his face that could launch a thousand ships.</p>
<p>Returning back to his senses, and focusing on the task at hand, Jean just nodded in reply, grabbing Marco’s left hand with his own, and they walked to the gas containers like that, hand in hand, both fully aware that Reiner was scrutinizing their every move.</p>
<p>Had he voiced his suspicions to Bertolt, Annie? Jean wondered as they walked. Were they suspicious of him on their own merits, or were they just that inclined to follow Reiner’s lead on everything? Were they watching them now, too?</p>
<p>Jean felt the icky, sinking feeling of paranoia settle in the bottom of his stomach, but decided to do his best and ignore it, instead choosing to act like everything was normal.</p>
<p>Jean and Marco sat down next to the gas supply, and started fixing their canisters up in a comfortable silence, connecting them to the main line. </p>
<p>They were sitting much closer than they were last time, Jean realized as he looked down at his gas canister. Marco’s legs were spread out, and even though Jean had his crossed, they were still very close to each other. They were close enough that their thighs could brush up against each other, close enough that it was supposed to seem kinda awkward, considering the fact that they had their thick ass gear on, but when it came to Jean and Marco, nothing was awkward between them anymore. </p>
<p>However, Jean could still feel eyes on the back of his head, watching their every move, and so he was wary, fully thinking out his every action before he did it.</p>
<p>While in the middle of getting his gas, Jean glanced over, meeting Marco’s eyes. Marco was looking at him, his soft heart noted, and the emotional part of him melted at that.</p>
<p>“Do you remember what we talked about <em>before</em>?” Jean casually started to speak, making sure to pointedly look Marco in the eyes.</p>
<p>Marco gave a soft nod in reply, understanding what Jean meant. “Yeah, I remember.”</p>
<p>“Marco,” Jean paused to give him a soft smile, looking at Marco with love in his eyes,  “you were the first person to ever believe in me, you know? You believed in me before I ever believed in myself.”</p>
<p>“Oh Jean,” Marco sighed out, “I meant what I said back then, you know. I had good reason to believe in you, in fact,” Marco smiled back, grinning, “seeing as you’ve exceeded everything I ever thought you could accomplish.”</p>
<p>Jean looked over, his genuine smile evolving into a smirk on his face. “You also said that I wasn’t very strong, has your opinion on that changed any since then?” There was a teasing tone to Jean’s voice that matched his smirk, and he added a wink with that statement.</p>
<p>“Jean,” Marco deadpanned, trying and slightly failing to keep his expression neutral, “I think it’s safe to say that you <em>are</em> the strongest person I know now.”</p>
<p>“Ah, Marco, you really think so?” Jean smirked, his gaze only on Marco, eyes disregarding the rest of the room, their equipment, their friends.</p>
<p>“I think you may not be the physically strongest,” Marco grinned back, matching Jean’s energy, “but I think you have the strongest will. C’mon Jean,” Marco’s voice got softer at that, and Jean was looking into Marco’s eyes, and he could see Marco’s eyelashes tremble slightly, “who else could be doing what you’re accomplishing right now?”</p>
<p>Jean gave an authentic smile back, reaching one of his hands over to squeeze at Marco’s, completely ignoring the fact that they were supposed to be refilling their gas at the moment. “Oh Marco,” Jean sighed out, “I don’t think I could do it without you. You are the rock that grounds me, I think I would quite simply go insane if I didn’t have you here with me.”</p>
<p>Marco smiled at that, blushing slightly, before giving Jean’s hand a final squeeze and returning to the gas canisters.</p>
<p>They spent the next few minutes in a comfortable silence, constantly looking over at each other and trying not to laugh when they caught each other looking.</p>
<p><em>God, I’m so fucking in love</em>, Jean thought.</p>
<p>Eventually Connie made his way over, personally already finished refilling. “Hey, are you two about done?”</p>
<p>Jean looked up at him and shrugged, noncommittal. “Yeah we’re almost done. How's everyone else?”</p>
<p>“Most of the cadets have started to head back towards the walls now that we’ve given official orders to retreat.” Connie looked at Jean like he expected him to say something, but Jean was kinda at a loss.</p>
<p>He hummed quietly for a second, and then settled on, “Okay, we’ll join them as soon as we get Eren.”</p>
<p>Connie just looked at him like he was fucking crazy still, deadpan expression on his face.</p>
<p>While this was going on, Jean had failed to notice Reiner walked over to them, and this time he was joined by Bertolt and Annie. “Hey Jean,” Reiner called out, sounding slightly cocky,  “what do you know about that abnormal Titan?”</p>
<p><em>Of course</em>, Jean thought, Reiner was going to be one of the only ones who thought he <em>wasn’t</em> crazy. </p>
<p>“You’ll know <em>just</em> as much as I do soon enough. Plus, I don’t think any of you would actually believe me until you see it yourself.” Jean replied, slightly scowling.</p>
<p>“See what?” Bertolt spoke up quietly, surprising Jean slightly.</p>
<p>Jean shrugged. “The abnormal is our ally, and our ticket to Eren. We’ll need to wait a few extra minutes before heading towards the wall if we want to save Eren.”</p>
<p>“We’re waiting.” Mikasa had previously snapped her head up at the first mention of Eren, and had been intently listening to the conversation, before she made that statement with a note of finality to it, basically saying that no one was going to refute. They were all going to wait for Eren.</p>
<p>“Glad it’s settled then,” Jean grinned back, before topping off his gas, finally finished with the refill. He quickly looked over at Marco, noting that he was also finished. “Is everyone ready to head out then?”</p>
<p>A chorus of voices spoke up, all of them nodding in assent. </p>
<p>“Let’s go then,” Reiner gruffed in response, seeming a little too eager in Jean’s opinion to see the abnormal Titan. However, Jean did have the privilege of knowing that they were looking at a Titan shifter, so maybe that’s just why he picked up on that note.</p>
<p>“Are you ready to go, baby?” Jean leaned down, speaking to Marco in a low voice, privately.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m ready whenever you are,” he replied, eyes looking back at Jean softly. Jean, ever the one to be distracted by Marco, noticed how the low lights down there bounced off the walls, somehow highlighting Marco’s features. His spread of freckles, his soft smile, his softer hands. He was the prettiest person Jean had ever seen. </p>
<p>Jean smiled warmly back, hand reaching over to squeeze Marco’s once again. “Let’s go then, baby.”</p>
<p>With that, they joined the rest of their comrades who were waiting by the exit. One by one, they filed out of headquarters, Mikasa leading the bunch of them, eager to see the Titan and therefore find Eren.</p>
<p>Since they had ended up being the last ones to get gas, Jean and Marco ended up being at the end of the group. When they finally emerged into the sunlight again, the two of them sat for a second, disoriented, blinking due to the light. After a taking moment, looking at each other before they went, they flew into the air, gliding over the nearby rooftops. Eren had moved slightly away from the headquarters building while they were inside, and was busy tearing apart more Titans. He was mainly fighting smaller ones, Jean noted, probably due to him being at the end of his energy. He seemed to slowly be getting overrun, the amount of Titans slowly streaming in, multiplying it felt like. They landed on a rooftop closeby, and the entire group took a minute to observe the Attack Titan.</p>
<p>It was still a wild beast, and even though he could tell that Eren was tiring, Jean was still impressed by its ability to keep going past its own limits. A fit Titan for a suicidal maniac, Jean remarked.</p>
<p>Reiner was the one to break the silence. “Well, Jean? Where’s Eren?”</p>
<p>Jean scowled. “Give it a few minutes.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, there was a change in Eren’s behavior. He looked up to see a Titan a few blocks away, then completely disregarded the Titans that he was fighting. Instead, he charged towards that specific Titan, in a way that slightly unsettled Jean deep down, reminding him of how Reiner looked when he charged as the Armoured Titan.</p>
<p>Jean looked over himself to see Armin staring at the scene with shock. “Hey Armin! Do you recognize that Titan?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that, <em>god</em>, that was the Titan who killed Thomas!” Armin yelled out, half staring in horror. </p>
<p>“It has intelligence.” Jean noted out loud, stimulating Armin’s new thoughts. Eren brutally defeated the Titan, tactically using his surroundings and other Titans against the main focus of his rage, eventually digging its teeth into the nape, ripping out the flesh as if it were the Jaw Titan instead.</p>
<p>“It specifically recognized the Titan that killed Thomas. That means—” Armin continued before being interrupted.</p>
<p> “Guys look! Something’s wrong with it!” Connie pointed out.</p>
<p>“It looks like it’s wearing out,” Reiner commented.</p>
<p>“Mikasa, Armin, you two might want to get a bit closer to it,” Jean suggested, voice however sounding grave.</p>
<p>“Why would we want to—” Armin started to ask, at the same time Connie went “oh my god guys, it’s <em>Eren</em>.”</p>
<p>“EREN!” Mikasa screamed out, immediately zipping down to Eren’s now crumbling body, Armin following close behind her.</p>
<p>“Is this what you meant when you said we wouldn’t believe you?” Connie asked, turned towards Jean, eyes wide in horror.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Jean said simply in reply, voice betraying the exhaustion Jean held inside of him. He was tired, the adrenaline from earlier in the battle was quickly fleeting, and Jean didn’t have the energy anymore to keep up his entire facade.</p>
<p>He did take a moment however to look at the faces of the traitors. Jean noted how their expressions mirrored more that of his own, rather than the looks on Connie’s, Sasha’s, <em>Armin’s</em> face.</p>
<p>Jean wondered if Reiner already thought that Eren was the Coordinate, after seeing that dramatic unfolding of the Attack Titan. Honestly, for gods’ sake, how did they not think Eren was suspicious at all from the beginning, he shared the same surname with <em>Zeke</em>, the motherfucking ‘special’ ass Beast Titan.</p>
<p>Jean tore his eyes and thoughts away from them though, and refocused on the scene in front of him. Mikasa was holding Eren, in one of the most emotional displays that Jean had ever seen her perform, and sobbing. Armin was right next to them, looking at Eren with worry, tears streaming down his face.</p>
<p>“Is he alive?” Sasha questioned, her reddish brown hair blowing in the wind, matching her slightly swaying body.</p>
<p>“Mikasa! Armin!” Jean shouted. “Bring Eren up here!”</p>
<p>The two of them looked up at him at the sound of their names, and nodded in reply. A few moments later, Eren’s body was unceremoniously dumped on their temporary rooftop headquarters.</p>
<p>Jean noted the patches of skin on Eren’s face still healing, his body still steaming with the effort. Eren seemed to be breathing like normal, but he was not conscious at all, Jean noted. He wondered how long it would take Eren to wake up, seeing as it was his first transformation.</p>
<p>“His—his leg—” Armin stuttered out, in between sobs, staring at Eren’s lower half. “His leg was gone before….” he let his voice trail off, voice hiccuping slightly.</p>
<p>“What should we do?” Marco reasonably questioned, standing to the left of Jean, turning around to face him.</p>
<p>“Armin, Mikasa,” Jean quickly started ordering, “you need to be the ones to take him into the city. Armin, use your persuasion skills to make the Garrison see that he is an ally, at least stall enough so that Eren has enough time to wake up so that he can protect you. We need them to believe that Eren is on our side, that’s the main goal. I know I don’t have to say this to you two, but you need to protect him at all costs. The rest of us will retreat as normal, we need to meet up with Krista and Ymir and update them. If they ask about who all saw Eren transform, give them our names. We’ll need to work with them if we want to reclaim Trost.”</p>
<p>“Reclaim Trost?” Sasha questioned, at the same time Mikasa went “and what about you, Kirstein?”</p>
<p>Jean was taken aback by the question. “We’ll deal with me after we save Trost,” he replied back, softly but firmly.</p>
<p>Looking over towards Marco, Jean signalled that he was ready to go join the retreat. The two of them quickly left, zipping towards the inner Wall Rose. Jean didn’t look back at the rest of his friends, but Marco snuck a quick glance in as they left. He saw Connie shrugged in reply, and a few seconds later, the rest of their friends were also in the air, flying back to the retreat.</p>
<p>Mikasa and Armin, who was still crying, watched them leave, they themselves preparing to take Eren back to the wall.</p>
<p>And Jean? Jean just hoped to fucking god that everything was going to turn out alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone! i deeply appreciate all kudos, comments, and feedback that i get &lt;3</p>
<p>happy march to everyone!</p>
<p>and it'll probably be a few days before a new update, i'm currently planning on going back and editing the first few chapters, fixing any errors, clarifying some things, and perhaps adding a few new details :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Trost: Interlude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some talking happens, Eren blows up, Pyxis enters the fray, we see my girl Rico, and we go back to Trost, Attack Titan in hand.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trost: Interlude</p>
<p>A short time later, Jean, Marco, and the rest of their friends had made it safely into Wall Rose. Spotting Krista and Ymir in the distance, they all landed nearby, Jean and Marco first, then Connie, Sasha, Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie followed. Since Krista and Ymir had had enough gas to get back, they hadn’t taken part in the Headquarters heist, instead choosing to diverge from Connie’s squad and retreat early.</p>
<p>“Oh my!” Krista gasped in shock, rushing over to check on all of her friends. “Are you all alright?”</p>
<p>Battle shaken and exhausted, most of them just nodded in reply. Personally, Jean did not feel like having to be the one to explain all of this right now. </p>
<p>“We’re fine, Krista,” Reiner replied, smirking.</p>
<p>God, Jean stopped for a moment to visibly roll his eyes, he was going to vomit, Reiner really needed to stop pretending that he liked Krista.</p>
<p>She was not his type, and he was not her type. For real, Reiner needed to get the fuck over it.</p>
<p>“What happened? How did you all manage to get back without gas?” Ymir asked sharply, glaring at Reiner.</p>
<p>Connie immediately launched into the story of how they performed the headquarters heist, smartly not mentioning the fact that Jean could tell what the Attack Titan was from the beginning. Connie was a good storyteller, and Jean watched as he illuminated certain points of the story with wild hand movements, making sure to over dramatize the whole thing. It was very entertaining to watch.</p>
<p>At the start of Connie telling the story, Jean had moved to sit down, and was currently drinking water, trying to recuperate his energy. Marco had also sat down next to him, and they were sitting there in a comfortable silence before Jean spoke.</p>
<p>“We need to be careful.” Jean’s voice was low, hoping that no one would hear it, due to Connie’s exaggerated voice nearby.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, Jean?” Marco whispered back, voice laced with concern and urgency.</p>
<p>“Reiner’s suspicious of me. I just—” Jean’s voice got strangled a bit, he cleared his throat, swallowing some more water before speaking again, “I don’t want him to be suspicious of you too, okay? He scares me Marco, and we need to tread carefully until we get the chance to alleviate his suspicions.”</p>
<p>“I understand that, Jean.” Marco moved his hand down to squeeze at Jean’s. “But how are we going to do that?”</p>
<p>At that question, Connie just so happened to finish his story, and at that, Ymir also had a question.</p>
<p>Inquisitively, she asked the question that all the rest of the other scattered recruits were thinking: “How did you know that abnormal Titan was an ally?”</p>
<p>Connie froze at the question, hand moving up to scratch at his head, and in his panic looked over to Jean, who had also froze in the middle of his conversation with Marco.</p>
<p>Don’t panic, Jean told himself internally, they <em>can’t</em> see you panic.</p>
<p>He glanced over at Marco, catching the worry evident on his face and within his eyes. Marco was worried for him, and meanwhile he had just been worried about Marco, not even thinking about himself.</p>
<p>Well fuck.</p>
<p>Jean cleared his throat, and stood up, walking a few paces over to get closer to Ymir and Connie. He pointedly noticed Reiner watching him intently. “I was the one who said it was an ally.” His voice was strong, and projected an air of confidence that Jean had to search his older self for, knowing that himself four years ago would not have been able to speak like this.</p>
<p>“Well how did you know?” Ymir’s voice was snarky, but the way she looked at Jean was different than normal. Again, it seemed like she was actually looking at Jean for the first time, and not through him. Then again, she never really looked at anyone besides Krista.</p>
<p>“Does it matter how I know? I was right.” Jean said back confidently, not faltering underneath the gaze of all the people staring at him.</p>
<p>Ymir looked him in the eyes at that, narrowing them, before something passed through them, her eyes widening and some sort of understanding went through them. They both had their secrets, and Ymir would respect it.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Ymir replied, “but where are Mikasa, Armin, and Eren at?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, please tell me they didn’t get hurt,” Krista pleaded, rejoining the conversation.</p>
<p>“They’re fine,” Connie responded, but still somehow managed to respond in a way that read as slightly shifty.</p>
<p>“They’re all alive. They had to go talk with the Garrison. We’ll see them soon enough, and once that happens I’ll explain more.” Jean stated, assuring the rest of his comrades. He made sure to look at Ymir for that, and gave her a small nod.</p>
<p>She just stared back at him, unflinchingly.</p>
<p>“What about the rest of Eren’s squad?” Krista asked, eyes wide in anticipation of the answer she didn’t want to hear.</p>
<p>“They’re all dead. Thomas, Mina, Nack, Milieus. Armin saw it happen, he was, uh, very shaken up about it,” Connie replied, voice solemn and serious, but yet his fingers twitched by his side in anxiety.</p>
<p>After Connie finished speaking, the superior officers came up upon their little group.</p>
<p>“Cadets!” one of them yelled, “You are all to put on standby! That is an order!”</p>
<p>After a chorus of yes sirs, the cadets were left alone to their own devices again.</p>
<p>Jean looked around, searching for Marco again, before spotting him.</p>
<p>He was with Daz, who was somehow screaming about wanting to kill himself.</p>
<p>God, Jean had forgotten about that. </p>
<p>Rushing over to help Marco, he quickly grabbed the sword in Daz’s hand, as Marco tried to restrain him. </p>
<p>“Daz, this isn’t like you! You’re not the only one here who’s had struggles, who’s seen people die today, so just stop this madness!” Marco pleaded with him.</p>
<p>“Daz,” Jean’s voice was sharp and unrelenting, “you need to get over this. The only way you’re going to die today is by acting like this, stop it.”</p>
<p>“Please, Daz, stop!” Marco begged, Daz still somehow fighting to find a way to die.</p>
<p>At the same time, Sasha started screaming out, sounding slightly exaggerated, “Oh my god, my stomach, I need to go to the infirmary, I’m in so much pain, I can’t fight anymore—”</p>
<p>Chaos, Jean thought, one hand going up to clutch at his forehead, then moving towards his ear in hopes that it would alleviate all this sound. This was utter fucking chaos, and he felt dizzy with it, exhausted and burnt out and yet he still had to find it somewhere within himself to get it together because soon—</p>
<p>
  <strong>Boom.</strong>
</p>
<p>There was a loud crash, a crackle of lightning in the air, and Jean knew what that meant: the cannon had gone off on Eren, and he had transformed.</p>
<p>Jesus fucking christ. Right now? Really?</p>
<p>His head was spinning, and his ears were ringing, but he saw enough to see that the three traitors were flying off towards the explosion, and Jean quickly turned to Marco.</p>
<p>“Connie!” he yelled, “come over here and watch Daz, Marco and I need to go see what’s up with Eren!”</p>
<p>After looking back to confirm what Connie was coming over, Jean looked back to Marco. He still looked incredibly worried, but he seemed to agree with Jean that they were needed with Eren, and nodded in agreeance.</p>
<p>Grabbing Marco’s hand, and squeezing it once, Jean took off, flying through the streets, giving absolutely no thought to the fact that they weren’t supposed to be leaving that area at the moment. He briefly paused in midair, turning around behind him, confirming that Marco was following.</p>
<p>I need to get there, I need to get there <em>now</em>, Jean thought, head in a dizzy disarray. Where the fuck did the traitors go? Why the fuck did they fly off towards Eren? Did they do that the first time? Why can’t I remember?</p>
<p>Jean’s mind was running a hundred kilometers a minute, and that meant he wasn't as focused as he zipped through alleyways, recklessly letting his body go through the motions with his ODM gear instead of actually taking time to think about what he was doing. </p>
<p>“Jean!” Marco yelled, voice straining to be carried over the wind, “Slow down! I can’t keep up!”</p>
<p><em>Shit</em>.</p>
<p>Fuck, he had made Marco worry more, and that was the least of what he had wanted to do, and <em>god</em>, he needed to get it together.</p>
<p>Refocusing, Jean took a moment to take in his surroundings. They were nearly to the Garrison outpost, and there was a nice secluded rooftop that would serve for a good stopping point, but still give Jean a decent view of everything that was happening. </p>
<p>Slowing down as he flew through the streets, he motioned Marco over towards that rooftop, then set off for it himself. </p>
<p>He had no idea where the traitors went.</p>
<p>Roughly colliding with the rooftop, Jean landed, and then had to stand up, brushing himself off. Marco landed next to him seconds later, albeit more gracefully, and didn't have to go through the process of brushing himself off.</p>
<p>Jean looked over, shooting Marco a smile, then moved to grab Marco’s hand, and forcing them to crouch down so that they wouldn’t be seen by any peering eyes in the Garrison.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Marco questioned in a low voice out of habit, even though there wasn’t anyone near who could eavesdrop. His eyes were wide as he stared at Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, the remains of Eren’s Titan surrounding them.</p>
<p>“Well, my beautiful partner in crime, that—” Jean pointed towards the towering, hulking mass of Titan flesh that was already steaming away, “was Eren protecting them from the cannons. Thank fuck for that. However, that shuddering coward—” he pointed towards Woermann and his associates, “will try to kill them again. We have to wait for Pyxis to show up.”</p>
<p>“Where do you think the three are?”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Jean took a moment to think about it, “probably watching this scene like us. They can’t afford to lose Eren now that they’ve finally got a clue. They <ins>can’t</ins> let him die.”</p>
<p>“Do you know much about her?” Marco asked softly, pointing to the woman next to Woermann. Marco could remember Pyxis from the first time, and he definitely vaguely reccognized the woman, but was at a loss to her name.</p>
<p>“That’s Rico, she’s very reasonable and a member of the Elite Squad for the Garrison. She’ll work with Pyxis when he gets here. She’s kinda hot, too—”</p>
<p>“Jean—” Marco scolded.</p>
<p>“I’m kidding!” Jean was about to start laughing at the look on Marco’s face. “I’m kidding, Marco, sorry, I’ll keep it to important information. Anyways, she’ll help when we get Eren to plug up the hole in Trost’s gate, and she’ll also be at Eren’s trial. We are definitely going to go to that by the way, I am not going to miss Captain Levi beating the shit out of Eren. It’s like a reward. Back on topic though, Rico and Commander Pyxis are both reasonable, but they’ll be quick to distrust us if we try deceiving them about Eren.”</p>
<p>“And what are you going to do about yourself, Jean?” Marco asked, voice going soft again.</p>
<p>Jean froze at the question. He hadn’t thought about it too much, but too many people now knew that he could see Trost before it happened. He had to come up with some kind of an explanation for knowing the future, both so that he could help everyone avoid the terrible futures that lay ahead, but also to save his own skin in the future. But how was he supposed to know the future without seeming insane? Well, it’s insane that there are people who can shift into Titans, another part of Jean’s brain reminded him. It’s not going to be <em>that</em> unbelievable to the rest of the military that someone can also know the future.</p>
<p>Thinking about it for a moment longer, Jean came up with an idea: “What if I just tell them I’ve been having dreams that turned out to be premonitions of the future? It’s not too far from the truth. I could be like a seer, I guess.” He looked over towards Marco, his own face betraying how unsure he was of the idea.</p>
<p>Marco softly smiled back at the sight of a confused Jean, because it made him look so much younger and unsure than he normally seemed. It reminded Marco of Jean from before.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’s a half bad idea,” Marco replied softly, hand coming up Jean’s face, thumb brushing up against his cheek. “You could always fine tune it later.”</p>
<p>Jean grinned at that, teeth flashing in a cocky grin, but underneath it Marco could tell that Jean was genuinely pleased. He was proud that Marco had thought his idea was good, and he <em>lived</em> for Marco’s affirmations.</p>
<p>Moving in closer, Jean connected their lips, leaving a light kiss on Marco’s mouth, then pulling back and smiling again. A happy, smiling Marco looked back at him, and it made Jean’s insides melt at the sight. One day, he thought, one day that’s all I will ever see on Marco’s face, no more worries, and we’ll live together and be happy.</p>
<p>Their moment was interrupted however, by the sound of the cannon getting reset.</p>
<p>“Wait, Jean, what are they doing now?” Marco sounded slightly panicked.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. Pyxis should get here before they launch it. Look, there’s Armin. I bet he’s trying to convince them to not kill Eren, but I wonder if he’s come up with the plan to use Eren to recapture Trost yet.” Jean’s voice sounded nonchalant, but he reached over to squeeze Marco’s hand to alleviate his worries.</p>
<p>Marco gingerly laced their fingers together, nodding in response, finding that he had no other words to say at the moment.</p>
<p>They would have to wait for Pyxis.</p>
<p>Jean, left hand in Marco’s, studied the scene intensely, waiting for the change in the air, the change in tension. </p>
<p>Suddenly he saw it. Woermann stood down, and in his place Pyxis walked up.</p>
<p>“There it is,” Jean grinned, “that’s our opening. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>The two of them managed to jump down from the rafters of the building they were crouching on, immediately using their gear to fly down towards the battlement. They heard the shouts of the Garrison, already on high alert, panicking about the cadets flying down towards them. When Jean looked over at them however, Pyxis just seemed to look back with a curious expression on his face. Eren and Mikasa seemed minorly shocked, but Armin decidedly less so.</p>
<p>Landing next to them, Jean gave Armin a little wave, grinning all the while, then confidently walked over to Commander Pyxis. </p>
<p>“Commander Pyxis,” Jean gave a little nod of his head in respect, “I’m Cadet Kirstein, and I was the one who first identified Titan Eren as an ally. It’s lovely to make your acquaintance, and I hope you’ll consider Cadet Arlert’s proposal that I’m sure he was making to save Eren’s hide.” Jean spoke with an air of confidence that should’ve been read as over cocky, but he was channelling his older self, and even though it looked odd coming from a fifteen year old, it somehow worked. </p>
<p>In response, Pyxis was dissecting him, an inquisitive yet scrutinizing look in his eyes, but he hadn’t written off Jean just yet.</p>
<p>“And how did you know we were just discussing that, Cadet Kirstein?”</p>
<p>“I’ve seen Armin’s plan to use Eren in Trost. The rest was just deduction; we came as soon as we heard the cannon go off, suspecting what the Garrison had been up to.” Jean reponsed simply. </p>
<p>“How did you know that the Titan was an ally?” A dangerous glint flashed in Pyxis’ eyes, and Jean knew that this was going to be the moment he had to solidify. </p>
<p>Even though he knew the question was coming, Jean was still thrown slightly by the direct nature of Pyxis’ interrogation. Ignoring all the eyes watching him, Jean made sure to appear self-assured, “I’ve been having dreams, and today they started coming true. I believe that I’ve been seeing the future.”</p>
<p>Whispers rose up from within the Garrison, the people gasping in shock.</p>
<p>Pyxis just hummed, noncommittal in response. His voice still even, not betraying any emotion, he spoke again. “I will hear out Cadet Arlert’s proposal. All of you, follow me.”</p>
<p>They made their way to the top of the wall in silence, Jean’s eyes latching onto Marco’s, wordlessly trying to convey what was going to happen. He didn’t know if Marco got the message though.</p>
<p>After making it to the top, the five cadets awkwardly stood there, waiting for Pyxis’ lead. Jean tried to meet Eren’s eyes, to try to see what he was possibly thinking right now, but Eren refused. He seemed...almost angry, but more like he was a tired sort of angry. Indignant.</p>
<p>Looking back over towards Marco, he did catch his eyes, and Marco offered him a small smile in return. </p>
<p>It was comforting, Jean realized, Marco’s support. He hadn’t realized just how much he had been relying on Marco, but he needed it, badly, for his own security.</p>
<p>“Cadet Arlert,” Pyxis spoke up, startling Jean from his thoughts, “go ahead and explain this plan you have, unless everything you were saying before was just to save you and your comrades’ skins.”</p>
<p>Zoning out again, Jean let his thoughts drift to the traitors. He didn't need to listen to Armin’s plan again, not when he had full faith that it would work, being the same plan as last time. The traitors, however; he wondered where they were right now. Did they watch that entire scene play out? Were they watching them right now? Were they discussing their next moves, what they were going to do about Eren? About himself?</p>
<p>“Well Cadet Kirstein? Have you <em>seen</em> this plan work?” Pyxis was turned towards Jean, his words probing slightly, and the mention of his name snapped Jean out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>Even though he was slightly startled, Jean replied confidently and unhesitantly, almost bold in his assurances. “Yes. It won’t be easy, and there will be significant losses, but it can happen. I’ve seen him use the boulder to plug the hole.” He audaciously looked Pyxis straight in the eyes.</p>
<p>Pyxis hummed in reply, face remaining neutral, turning around to look out towards Trost. He stayed silent for a few moments, seeming to be mulling the plan over, before turning back around towards them. </p>
<p>“Cadet Jaeger, do you agree to this plan?” Pyxis calmly asked.</p>
<p>Jean tuned out again, preferring to not pay attention to Eren’s bumblings of how he didn't really know how to use his powers yet. Jean was not particularly interested in hearing information that he already knew instead.</p>
<p>He chose to look over at Marco instead, giving him a reassuring smile. Pyxis, ever observant, made a note of it, glancing at them sideways. After Eren was done, finally agreeing to try the boulder plan, Pyxis turned over towards Marco instead.</p>
<p>“And just who are you?” Pyxis questioned, eyes analyzing Marco and Jean, their reactions and words. </p>
<p>Marco and Jean both froze at the question, glancing at each other. Jean hadn’t realized that he had just failed to introduce Marco at the beginning, but then again, Marco wasn’t vital to Pyxis or the plan, even though Marco was vital to him.</p>
<p>Stepping in for Marco, Jean spoke out. “This is Cadet Bott, sir. He’s my—” Jean paused, falteringly slightly, looking over towards Marco for guidance.</p>
<p>“Partner.” Marco finished for Jean, tenderly wrapping his hand around Jean’s.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jean responded softly, eyes only on Marco at the moment, watching his soft, placating smile that he gave their comrades, before shifting back to his stronger, bolder voice, “that. He’s also my confidant; I’ve been telling him about all the dreams that I’ve had.” He turned back over towards Pyxis, he and Marco presenting a united front.</p>
<p>“Interesting.” Pyxis commented, just that one word, eyes continuing to observe them all. “Seems like we have a plan then.” He ordered, a mark of finality in his words.</p>
<p>-----------------</p>
<p>Time passed in a flurry then, as Commander Pyxis refined the plan and started ordering the troops around. Meetings were happening, Jean was in a daze, sitting on top of the wall, his hands over his ears, trying to tune out all the distractions, as he had simply been going through all the motions when it came to preparing for the battle. Taking a few moments to look inwards, Jean hoped, that wherever the rest of the cadets were, that it was going okay. He vividly remembered how people had started to desert the last time once the new orders were given out, scared of facing the Titans again. They also didn’t understand what Eren was, what he was supposed to do, and that was also terrifying to the troops. He didn’t know whether he could really blame them for that, running away, that is, considering how they were going to lose even more soldiers in the upcoming battle. Jean could never blame anyone for wanting to save their own skin, their own future.</p>
<p>He had lost Marco, in this battle, for god’s sake, and Jean himself was fucking terrified. He knew that this was the only option to reclaim Trost, but he was afraid as well. Because what if he tried his best here, and still ended up failing? What if he had been doing all of this work just to fail, at the moments that matter the most? He couldn’t lose Marco again, not after having to live in agony for four years without him, not after getting to finally <em>live</em> with him in bliss for those past few months. </p>
<p><em>No</em>, he thought, his resolve increasing. Face looking stony, hardening like steel as he went through these thoughts within his head. Marco will not be dying today. <em>I refuse to let it happen</em>.</p>
<p>A sound of thunder echoed in the back of his mind, and he didn’t even notice Marco sitting down to the left of him.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay, Jean.” Marco gently wrapped his right hand around Jean’s, pulling it down away from his ear, thumb rubbing circles on Jean’s hand, the movement grounding Jean again.</p>
<p>He turned over to look Marco in the eyes, and they betrayed the worry and angst, the conflict tearing through his mind, the brokenness that he was trying to reconcile inside of him. He couldn’t find it within himself to speak, the terror of losing Marco again was too great.</p>
<p>“I won’t be going anywhere, Jean. You’re stuck with me now.” Marco’s sad smile twitched a bit, trying to lighten the ever growing, foreboding tension in the air.</p>
<p>“You better mean that,” Jean replied, voice uneven as his left hand tightened around Marco’s. If he thought about it for too long, he might cry, and that was unacceptable. He had to be put together, he couldn’t let himself get emotional in the heat of battle, so he needed to get it under control now.</p>
<p>“Of course I do,” Marco softly responded, reaching over to place a small kiss on Jean’s cheek.</p>
<p>In return, Jean moved to hug Marco, and suddenly they were holding each other tight within their arms. He buried his face in Marco’s neck, hands reaching up to dig into the shorter hair on Marco’s nape. Jean trembled slightly in Marco’s arms, and they stayed in that position for a few elongated moments, before Jean pulled back to look Marco in the eyes, resting their foreheads together. </p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay.” Jean repeated, like it was a mantra, like if he said it out loud, then it would have to be true. </p>
<p>“C’mon, Jean, let’s go join the rest of our friends, we don’t want to miss anything important.” Marco moved, breaking them apart, standing up, but offering Jean a hand up as well. Hand in hand they walked over towards Pyxis, who seemed to be in the middle of assigning and ordering the Elite Squad of the Garrison, which consisted of the squads of Rico, Mitabi, and Ian, the leader, who was the one who would make sure that Eren would be protected, that the mission would be successful, but at the worst cost imaginable.</p>
<p><em>It cost Mitabi and Ian their lives</em>, some part of his brain whispered to him, and he hated the thought of that. Hopefully, this time he and Marco could make a difference, as part of the decoy squad along with Mikasa. Hopefully, if he warned Armin, he could wake Eren up earlier, meaning that less people would die protecting him, and that they could complete the mission earlier, limiting the amount of total deaths. </p>
<p>Pyxis then ordered them into the decoy squad, after Mikasa had sworn that she would leave Eren’s side in battle, and after Jean had coyly suggested that he, Marco, and Armin would be more helpful by Eren, rather than with the rest of the cadets. After that, Pyxis returned to making more orders.</p>
<p><em>The Scouts need to arrive</em>, Jean startled, suddenly remembering that detail; they’ll need the Scouts to help finish off the rest of the Titans in Trost, as the most highly skilled soldiers. </p>
<p>While everyone else was talking and preparing, Jean saw a moment to slip away. “Give me a second, Marco, I need to go talk to Armin.” He gave Marco’s hand a slight squeeze, before walking over to Armin.</p>
<p>Pyxis was busy with the Elite Squad again, and Eren was busy arguing with Mikasa over each other’s safety.</p>
<p>“Armin!” Jean whispered, harshly, trying to get the smaller boy’s attention.</p>
<p>Armin, whipping his head around, spotted the brooding Jean nearby. “What do you want, Jean?” He asked, a little confused.</p>
<p>“I need to tell you something.” Jean’s face wore serious expression as he spoke. “It’s about Eren.” </p>
<p>Alarmed, Armin moved closer to Jean as Jean dipped his head down. “Armin, something is going to go wrong with the battle,” he explained in a low tone, hoping that no one could overhear, “I don’t know why, but Eren is going to become confused when he first turns into a Titan. He’ll try to hurt someone, and this will send him into a catatonic state. It’ll be up to you, Armin, to figure out how to wake him up. Only you can do this. The sooner you can wake Eren up, the less people that will die protecting him. Do you understand?”</p>
<p>Armin’s eyes were wide and he stared up at Jean in shock. He took a second to form a reply, and with a shaky voice went “I understand, Jean. But why are only you telling me this?”</p>
<p>Gravely, Jean responded, “The only way for us to retake Trost is for it to happen, and I can’t in good conscious plant seeds of doubt about Eren by telling the entire military what is about to transpire. There'll be plenty of time to reflect on what happened, and the consequences, after we save Trost. We’re all counting on you, Armin.” And with a mystic nod of his head, Jean moved back towards Marco, languidly strolling back, as if it hadn’t just dropped a bomb of information on Armin.</p>
<p>It’ll be fine, Jean told himself, Armin will know what to do. With the nudges that I provide, Armin will be able to figure out how to wake Eren up earlier. It’ll all be fine.</p>
<p>Jean watched, from Marco’s side, as time passed, and they fully prepared to enter the fray of battle again. Jean seemed stoic, except for when he looked at Marco, but underneath the facade Jean was busy wondering, and worrying about how the reclaiming of Trost was going to go. </p>
<p>His thoughts wandered towards the rest of their friends. He wondered if Annie would save Connie again, like she had last time. He wondered if Reiner would spot that, and use that to manipulate her into—</p>
<p>—No, he shut down that train of thought immediately. That was not going to happen because him and Marco were going to play different roles in this battle this time, and they would be nowhere near the rest of the cadets, whose jobs were to distract the Titans. Marco was never going to be Titan bait ever again, Jean thought darkly, and how honestly, how <em>dare</em> he put himself in such a precarious situation the first time around. It was absolutely unacceptable.</p>
<p>Marco was <strong>not</strong> going to die today.</p>
<p>These were the thoughts that filtered through Jean’s head, as Commander Pyxis gave his inspirational speech over the crowd of soldiers below. Those were his thoughts, as he, Marco, Mikasa and Armin prepared to take off alongside the Garrison Elite Squad and Eren. And those were his thoughts, as they took off, flying through the air, towards a perfectly sized boulder in the middle of Trost.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope everyone enjoyed it! the action will be back next chapter. i appreciate all the kudos and comments so much!</p>
<p>i went through and edited chapters 1 and 2, added about 500 words between them</p>
<p>does anyone else just really miss rico, i wanna know how she's doing :(</p>
<p>also idk if anyone would be interested in this but i did like spend an hour planning out a Trojan War AU with Jeanmarco as Patrochilles, and as a classics major in college im sorely tempted to write it but also it would be depressing so let me know your thoughts</p>
<p>it'll probably be a week before the next update since i have another paper and exam this week (college is relentless)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Hit Me Baby, One More Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They enter Trost again, Jean gets a little caught up in battle, a boulder gets picked up, the Scouts arrive, and Jean and Marco make it out of Trost safely.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Trost: Hit Me Baby, One More Time</ins>
</p>
<p>Trost, Jean’s hometown.</p>
<p>And it was in ruins. </p>
<p>Titans were running amok, Jean was disgusted at having to be in this situation yet again, and not even the freeing feeling of flying through the air could calm him down.</p>
<p>If it wasn’t for Marco, his muse, his confidant, flying next to him, Jean didn’t know if he could actually keep it together.</p>
<p>But he had to, for Marco, for Armin, for the Garrison Elite, so that he could save all of them.</p>
<p>No one ever told Jean that becoming a time traveller was going to be that huge of a responsibility, that big of a burden.</p>
<p>However it was, and Jean felt the personal bearing, the full weight of responsibility of everyone’s lives on him, and the worst part was that he had <em>chosen</em> to undertake this.</p>
<p><em>For real</em>, he thought, getting distracted as they moved closer and closer towards the boulder, why couldn’t I just be some selfish bitch who would’ve just returned to the past, grabbed Marco, and then defected from the military to live out a long, happy, safe life with Marco instead?</p>
<p><em>Because you have to save your friends</em>, the other part of his brain reminded him.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, that. Because underneath it all, Jean really couldn’t find it within himself to be selfish, not yet at least, not when his own safety and comfort of life relied on them beating the Marleyeans. </p>
<p>One day, however, they’ll have defeated their enemies across the sea, and just maybe then he could get to live out the rest of his life with Marco, and they would be happy, and free.</p>
<p>Rapidly approaching the boulder now, Jean refocused, intensely studying the scene. Landing on a nearby roof alongside Armin and Marco, he watched the scene below play out just how it had before.</p>
<p>It started with Eren transforming back into a Titan, and Jean’s eyes were assaulted by the view of that bitch ass Attack Titan.</p>
<p>Yeah, Jean took back what he thought before, Eren as a Titan was not inspiring at all, and the whole damn thing was back to just deeply annoying him. God, fucking Eren.</p>
<p>Titan Eren took one long look at the boulder, before deciding to turn around and whack at Mikasa, nearly hitting her as she zipped away at the last moment, Armin staring down at the scene in shock.</p>
<p>“What’s happening?” Armin questioned, horror in his voice evident.</p>
<p>“He’s starting to lose himself.” Jean replied back gravely, and secretly wondering if Eren really had been losing himself since the beginning. </p>
<p>Armin was ready to charge straight on down there, feeling hopeless sitting up there, but Jean wordlessly stopped him, indicating that they should wait.</p>
<p>So they did for a few more moments, watching Mikasa dodge Eren’s strikes as she tried to get through to him, before he finally punched himself in the face, knocking himself out cold. Jean noticed Rico firing the red signal flare, and then waited for Ian’s orders.</p>
<p>He already knew what they were going to be before, and just a few seconds later his words carried over on the wind, confirming what he thought.</p>
<p>“Protect Eren at all costs!”</p>
<p>“Armin,” Jean looked him dead in the eyes, voice authoritative and ordering, “you need to find a way to wake him up, find a way to remind him of himself. I believe in you, Armin, <em>I know you can do this</em>, and so now you need to. Go, Marco and I will help defend you.” </p>
<p>With that they rose up in the air, and Jean watched as Armin landed on top of Eren, immediately trying to speak with him.</p>
<p>Kill time, Jean’s brain reminded him, you need to kill time, for Armin, for Eren, for the Scouts to arrive.</p>
<p>And so kill time they did. Even though Rico and Mitabi had their doubts about Ian’s orders, they did not defect against them, and all three of them plus their squads were fighting the Titans nearby without fail.</p>
<p>Marco and Jean joined the fray, and as a fighting duo started helping, killing Titans without fail, in a blaze of battle. Mikasa, even though she was deeply worried about Eren, joined in with them, beginning to shred into the nearest Titan. Jean caught her glancing back at Armin and Eren every spare moment, checking to see if they were still okay.</p>
<p>Jean was brutal in battle, and all Marco could see when he looked at him was Jean’s older self taking over, and it showed in the maturity of his fighting style, the ease in which he ripped into the Titans, a deadened look in his eyes.</p>
<p>Jean however was not having a good time. He was annoyed, as he watched Marco distract another Titan, before he himself jumped up from behind, tearing its skin and ripping out its flesh at the nape. The rational part of him knew that Marco needed to get this fighting experience, he would need it for the future, but the irrational part of him was livid. </p>
<p>Livid, as Marco used himself to divert another Titan’s attention. Immediately flying up on it, Jean dug his blades into the nape, perhaps a little too deep, before pulling them out and splattering himself with quickly steaming Titan blood.</p>
<p>“Marco,” Jean snarled, “stop fucking using yourself as bait—”</p>
<p>“But Jean, it works—” Marco called back, this time being the one to de-nape a Titan who had looked over at Armin and Eren a little too long, one of the smaller ones who had snuck through the main defense line. </p>
<p>Jean, all of his senses keyed up in battle, noted the small amount of blood sprinkled across Marco’s skin, like his freckles were.</p>
<p>“I don’t care if it works! The only person you’re allowed to be bait to is me!”</p>
<p>“Jean,” Marco’s face was drawn in a scowl, “we are not going to be fighting right now in the middle of a battlefield.”</p>
<p>Scowling and shooting Marco a vicious glare in response, Jean used his gear to fly up towards one of the rooftops, trying to get a better view of a taller Titan that was encroaching upon their territory.</p>
<p>Swinging around, Jean spun in midair, darting towards the Titan, his gear working overtime as he flew towards the Titan—</p>
<p>
  <strong>Fuck.</strong>
</p>
<p>Something within his gear snapped, and Jean could barely get himself together through his shock to cushion his fall, using the building as leverage, tumbling to the ground painfully, his side taking the brunt of the impact.</p>
<p>That was going to leave bruises, and his ribs <em>ached</em>.</p>
<p>Fuck, he cursed internally, he had fucking forgot that his gear had failed last time in Trost, he hadn’t fucking expected it to fail again.</p>
<p>“Jean!” </p>
<p>He snapped his head up, hearing Marco scream his name in horror. </p>
<p>Shit shit shit, the Titan was looking at him, and it was moving closer, and it was too tall for him to kill off the ground, and he needed to <em>run</em>.</p>
<p>Quickly scrambling up off from the ground, he dashed towards the building behind him. Reaching the doorway, he pulled at the locked door in his panic, trying to get it open. He was going to be dead if he couldn’t get in, and he needed new gear—</p>
<p>Hearing the telltale swish of another soldier’s gear, Jean turned around instantly, praying that Marco wasn’t risking his safety to come and save him.</p>
<p>Jean was shocked to see Mikasa instead, her intense speed and skill allowing her to take down the massive Titan by herself, without hesitation. He looked up, stunned to see her.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Jean’s voice was raw, and his surprise on seeing her was evident on his face.</p>
<p>She coolly nodded her head in response.</p>
<p>Jean took a moment to take in his surroundings. The two of them were a good distance away from Armin and Eren right now, and Marco was over there as well, killing another one of the smaller Titans who had broken rank alongside some of the other Garrison members. Looking in the opposite direction, what Jean saw was a nightmare. The Titans were slowly streaming in, and it seemed to Jean like they were almost multiplying.</p>
<p><em>God</em>, Eren better wake up soon.</p>
<p>The squads of Ian, Mitabi, and Rico were also fighting nearby, but Jean could tell their numbers were slowly dwindling.</p>
<p>God, he would have to find one of those corpses, and loot it for new gear, <em>again</em>, and that thought disgusted Jean.</p>
<p>Jean called over towards Mikasa, who was back in the air again. “We need to get back towards Eren, he should be waking up soon. I—I need to find a body to replace my gear.”</p>
<p>“I’ll protect you from the air.” She stated this back simply, no emotion draining into her voice.</p>
<p>Please, Jean thought, please let Marco be okay.</p>
<p>He started sprinting back towards Eren, refusing to look back. He would hear the sound of Mikasa behind him as he ran, but he would have to trust that she was guarding him from behind.</p>
<p>He had asked her before to trust in him, and therefore he would now have to <em>trust her back</em>, as terrifying as that thought was to Jean, having to rely on someone else.</p>
<p>Gaining ground towards Eren, he quickly spotted Marco, who was fighting another Titan nearby alongside members of Rico’s squad.</p>
<p>There was a body there, Jean noticed with a jolt. </p>
<p>Changing his direction slightly, Jean sprinted towards the body instead. He didn’t recognize the soldier, but it didn’t matter, it still fucking hurt him to have to loot a body like it was an object, and not a person who had nobly sacrificed themself for their cause. It sickened Jean, as he quickly stripped his broken gear off, discarding it to the side. Reaching the body, he quickly and as gently as possible removed their gear, reattaching it to himself. </p>
<p>While fiddling with the gear, Jean finally indulged in looking back, and saw Mikasa holding off yet another Titan, Marco moving towards her to help. The other squads were also closer than before, it seemed like they were being pushed back towards the boulder.</p>
<p>This was not good.</p>
<p>Jean had reached the final buckle on the gear when he heard the familiar roar from a familiar Titan.</p>
<p>Eren was awake, <em>finally</em>.</p>
<p>He quickly finished putting on the gear, immediately moving up in the air, attempting to fly towards Marco. However this gear was not <em>his</em> gear, and it was not attuned to him and his weight. Readjusting and reattempting, it took him a few moments to be able to get airborne again. He made it there just in time for Mikasa to stick her blades into another Titan, ferociously tearing out another nape.</p>
<p>“Let’s go! Eren’s awake!” He shouted over at them, getting their attention, the three of them then deciding on moving towards Eren.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” The concern was evident in Marco’s voice as he flew up by Jean’s side, as the both of them were moving towards Eren. Mikasa had gone ahead, rushing towards Eren without sparing any thought to the two boys.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Jean sounded forced, and the both of them knew it.</p>
<p>Marco just frowned in reply, looking at Jean with worry.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Jean croaked out, “for getting angry earlier. It wasn’t the place for that.”</p>
<p>“Jean, you don’t have to apologize right now. I’m just concerned for you.”</p>
<p>Jean started to chew on his lip in response, not looking Marco in the eyes. </p>
<p>They were near Eren at this point, and both of them saw Ian come into their field of vision, followed by what was left of the Elite Squad. Eren had grabbed the boulder, and was starting to move towards the broken gate.</p>
<p>“Defend Eren at all costs!” Ian ordered, voice carrying on the wind, “Clear the area between here and the gate!”</p>
<p>So they moved out, Jean and Marco alternating between fighting on the ground and in the air, aside the Elite Squad. They slowly made progress, clearing the Titans around Eren, but it was costly as well, Jean noted. Even within the Elite Squad, a lot of their soldiers were getting eaten, <em>getting ripped apart</em>, the number of Titans in the area too much to effectively clear.</p>
<p>Soon, the rumbling from Eren’s footsteps alerted the soldiers on top of the wall that the mission was continuing, and Jean was not surprised when he saw Connie and Annie join the fray of fighting, remembering that he had been with them before, been a part of that.</p>
<p><em>Oh, Annie</em>, he thought as he mindlessly ripped his blades into a smaller, less threatening Titan, Marco assisting him. Why was she risking everything, by helping them? She had risked her life for Connie, for <em>him before</em>, and had proved more than once over that she cared for her friends, as much as she pretended not to. When it came to the three of them, Jean didn't understand her the most, because she was the one on the frontlines right now, risking everything so that her <em>soldier</em> friends could survive. Bertolt and Reiner weren’t out here, fighting beside them, risking themselves. Part of Jean would like to think that maybe Annie was just playing her part a little too well, but he could not fool himself with that. Annie cared, and she had always cared, and that’s why she hadn’t killed them on that first scouting mission. She had seen Jean, seen Armin, and should have murdered them, in cold blood, like she did to all the other Scouts, <em>like Reiner did to Marco</em>, but she didn’t.</p>
<p>It puzzled Jean, but he couldn’t spend too much time thinking about it right now, needing to be more focused on the army of Titans in front of them. </p>
<p>After helping Annie and Connie take down one of the bigger Titans, Jean turned just in time to hear a scream, focusing in on Mitabi, a decent amount of meters away, who was busy staring at one their comrades, a mangled corpse in front of him, and all Jean could do was watch as the hand of a towering Titan came down upon Mitabi. </p>
<p>Jean let out a cry at that, irrationally flying towards the Titan, seeing red as he shredded his blades into its neck. But he was too late, he found in dismay, as Mitabi’s crushed body crumbled down to the ground, a body whose chest no longer rose, instead choosing to lie there, eyes open yet unseeing.</p>
<p><em>This was going to break him, Jean couldn’t do this anymore, that’s how Marco looked, when was that damn boulder gonna get placed, when were the Scouts going to show up, his ribs fucking hurt, he couldn’t breathe</em>—</p>
<p>The edges of Jean’s vision got dark as he looked around in panic. The rest of his friends were still fighting, they were still alive, Eren was nearly to the gate, but Titans <em>kept coming through</em>, bodies were dropping, both on the ground and out of midair, he was covered in a disgusting mess of both Titan blood and the blood of his comrades. There was blood on his hands.</p>
<p>He couldn’t handle this anymore.</p>
<p>No, he had to handle this. Using the rest of his energy to reconcentrate, he brought his focus back to the battlefield. He looked over to his right to see Ian—</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>, Ian.</p>
<p>Rushing over towards Ian, Jean knew damn well what was going to happen, eyes narrowing in on the distance. If he could get over there, he could stop it, he could try—</p>
<p>He couldn’t stop it, realizing in horror that he wasn’t going to make it in time, the Titan munching on another one of the fallen soldiers. Ian was going to sacrifice himself, again, and there was nothing Jean could do but watch in fear as the Titan moved to rip Ian’s head off instead, more bodies crumbling to the ground.</p>
<p>Jean then turned back towards Eren, noting one Titan still standing in his way, before being distracted by Rico, who let out a sorrowful scream, blinding the last Titan in the way before Mikasa finished it off herself.</p>
<p>Flying up in the air to have a better view, Jean watched as Eren finally placed the boulder in the gate for the second time, Rico letting out a relieved sob, shooting off the yellow flare to indicate to the rest of the soldiers on Wall Rose that the mission was successful.</p>
<p>“Marco!” Jean yelled out, flying towards him, Marco just finishing off one of the smaller Titans by the sides of Annie and Connie. </p>
<p>“Jean?” Marco looked up, and Jean could see the rivulets of Titan blood splattering his face, the way that his hairs at his nape stuck down, drenched in sweat, the way that his body was posed, as if he was a warrior, blades out.</p>
<p>It was slightly stunning, and Jean could only imagine how Marco would look over time, in the future, growing into himself and becoming battle-hardened.</p>
<p>“Eren’s about to come out.” Jean stated simply, mentioning for Marco to follow him. He did, but both of them looked back to see curious yet confused looks on Annie and Connie’s faces.</p>
<p>Landing on a rooftop next to the gate, they had a great view of the now boulder filled breach. Rico was in the process of cutting Eren out of his crumpled Titan, but there were two massive Titans rapidly encroaching upon their position.</p>
<p><em>Where are they</em>, Jean thought, trying not to panic. Did they finish the mission too early? It didn’t matter, he internally resolved, if the Scouts aren’t going to get here yet then we’ll have to make due. </p>
<p>He drew out his blades, drawing out a small gasp from Marco next to him, preparing to fly down there himself to take down the Titans. However, Jean was also the one left gasping, staring in awe as humanity’s strongest soldier came flying down over the wall, spinning and whirling in a way that seemed like his second nature, the Ackerman speed allowing him to slay the two Titans nearly instantly, Jean’s brain feeling like it was going to short circuit just watching, having difficulty absorbing the information in because Levi was <em>just that good</em>. He was so fast that it was nearly imperceptible to the human eye, nonetheless to a Titan.</p>
<p>A few seconds later the rest of Levi’s squad descended down the wall, the rest of the Scouts following behind closely, and suddenly there were dozens of extra soldiers, skilled soldiers, who were descending upon the Titans within the walls within seconds of landing, not hesitating. It was glorious, and it was also an inspiring scene to Jean.</p>
<p>“We did it,” Marco breathed out, eyes staring at the rapidly clashing Scouts, already engaged in fighting. Levi had stopped next to Eren’s decomposing Titan body, and was talking with Rico and Armin, the passed out Eren laying in Mikasa’s arms.</p>
<p>“We did it,” Jean reaffirmed, awe apparent in his voice. He looked over towards Marco, a peculiar look in his eyes, before moving to envelope Marco in a tight hug. His arms were snug around Marco, and Marco hugged him back, and they sat there, on a rooftop, embracing each other for a moment, because they had done it. They had survived.</p>
<p>“Hey brats,” Captain Levi had zipped up to their rooftop, and the short but threatening man was staring at them, “the blonde one said one of you knew the future. Which one of you is that?”</p>
<p>“Captain Levi,” Jean said coolly, disentangling himself from Marco and standing up, “nice to meet your acquaintance. The future seer would be me.” Jean couldn’t help flashing a cocky grin.</p>
<p>“Interesting,” Levi commented, looking at them unimpressed, like they were pieces of trash stuck to his boot, “then you’ll know that you’re needed, killing Titans and clearing the area. Get to it, that’s an order.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Captain Levi,” Jean responded, voice more subdued, submitting to Levi’s orders.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” Marco replied at the same time, looking wildly between Jean and Levi, as if he couldn’t believe that was <em>the Captain Levi</em> that Jean had mentioned. He had seen Levi in a few of Jean’s drawings, and in the visions of Jean he had seen beforehand, but it was different seeing him in person, this up close. It was also interesting for him to observe the way Jean reacted to him, Levi being the leader that Jean deeply respected.</p>
<p>“Stay by me?” Jean looked Marco in the eyes.</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>---------------------------</p>
<p>They spent the rest of the day helping to clear the city of Titans. During this time, Jean did not let Marco out of his range of vision, and they often worked together as a team to take down Titans together. They saw many of their other friends fighting while they were out there, and it seemed to Jean that things hadn’t really changed much from Trost last time, as in the fact that all of their friends seemed to still be alive, thank the gods for that. </p>
<p>At one point, they had even run across Hange’s squad, as they were capturing their live Titans for experimentation. Sawney and Beane, Jean’s brain helpfully reminded him, but he kinda felt bad seeing them get restrained like that.</p>
<p><em>They were people</em>, underneath all of it, and Jean just couldn’t fathom being turned into a Titan, nevertheless becoming one that was then going to get basically tortured by the insane (but hot) Hange Zoë before being brutally killed by Annie for no real reason later (for real, why did Annie kill them, it seemed utterly pointless to Jean).</p>
<p>If he was a Titan, he would prefer to just be killed on the battlefield, well aware that there was no cure, aside from the few Titan shifters. If it was up to Jean, he’d make sure that no one was ever turned into a Titan by Marley, <em>ever again</em>, so that not another person would have to deal with the eternal hell, <em>eternal curse</em> that was becoming a Titan.</p>
<p>He also wondered throughout the day what the traitors were doing. Were they following orders, clearing Titans as they should be? He hadn’t really seen them, not compared to the rest of their friends, aside from Annie. Were they talking about their plans, like last time, out in the open like plain fucking idiots? Would anyone overhear them this time, and become suspicious? He also thought about one particular question, and Jean hated himself for even allowing himself to think it. Would they—would they kill someone again in cold blood, forcing them to become Titan fodder, just to cover up their messy, messy tracks?</p>
<p>Those were all just Jean’s musings throughout the day, as he carved up Titan after Titan, the process getting monotonous and draining after a full day of fighting.</p>
<p>Eventually though, the city was cleared, and they were allowed to rest for the night before coming back to deal with the dead the next day.</p>
<p>And that night, as they got into bed, Jean held Marco just a little bit tighter, and Marco held him just a little bit tighter back.</p>
<p>“I’m alive,” Marco whispered, half in shock, half in awe as he held Jean, who had proceeded to bury his head into Marco’s neck as usual.</p>
<p>“Yeah, baby?” Jean pulled his head back some so that he could see Marco’s face.</p>
<p>“I just—” Marco paused, hand absentmindedly coming up to play with Jean’s hair, “I don’t know if I really allowed myself to think that I could, I don’t know, live past when I did before. I...I was afraid.”</p>
<p>“You never have to be afraid of them, <em>ever again</em>,” Jean whispered ferociously back.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I’m talking about, Jean.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean then?” Jean was dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“Jean, you’re just so, <em>stubborn</em>. I don’t fear them, but I was afraid that I would still meet the same fate, no matter what you did to prevent it. I was scared that if I believed in living past my supposed death, that if I actively believed in it, then the universe would rip me away from that. It’s not like I believed you couldn’t do it, you are without a doubt the most headstrong and determined person, the only one who could do it, but I was afraid that they wouldn’t let you. I was afraid to wish for a life with you, in case I didn’t get it.” Marco let his voice trail off, fingers still running through Jean’s hair.</p>
<p>Jean was at a loss of words, and so he just moved his hand over towards Marco’s chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath his shirt, his skin, because Marco <em>was</em> still alive, but yet he was still scared. He would always be scared of losing Marco, and Jean would just have to learn to accept it, but now he knew Marco was also scared.</p>
<p>They sat there in silence for a few moments.</p>
<p>“Also, you are aware that I can take care of myself right? You really don’t need to be attached to me all the time, I’m starting to think we have a co-dependency issue,” Marco joked, sounding more amused, now that he had gotten what he wanted to say off his chest.</p>
<p>“Co-dependency issue my ass,” Jean snorted before continuing, “literally everyone we know has a fucking co-depenency issue with their friends or partner. We are <em>not</em> the exception there. I’m sorry for being so...intense all the time, I just feel like I need to be the one to protect you somehow, and I haven’t really thought about how that’s affected you. It just hurts me to know that you might be hurt, and if I wasn’t there to prevent it, I would blame myself.” Jean went quiet for a moment before continuing. “Thank you for talking to me about it though. I want you to know that we can talk about you, and you can share whatever you want with me, because we need to be more open about our feelings, instead of just internally worrying about each other all the time.”</p>
<p>“You’re right about that. I guess I just never wanted to burden you with my feelings, I don’t—” Marco stopped abruptly, before resuming, “I don’t want to be a burden to you when I know you hold so many burdens already.”</p>
<p>“You could never be a burden to me,” Jean simply said back, with a near religious conviction that made Marco let out a small breath he was holding, “everything I do is for you. It’s always been you.”</p>
<p>Marco tightened his arms around Jean in response, before letting out a small, “I love you, Jean.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, Marco,” Jean murmured back, snuggling his face back into Marco’s neck.</p>
<p>“I’ll try to do better,” Marco softly spoke, stroking Jean’s hair as he fell asleep, “now that I know I really have something to <em>live</em> for.”</p>
<p>And so they slept.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone! i appreciate the comments and kudos &lt;3</p>
<p>i hope everyone had a good week, and have a good relaxing weekend</p>
<p>i'm drunk off my ass rn so please ignore any mistakes (don't do drugs kids xoxo)</p>
<p>next up: Marco POV chapter then the aftermath of Trost</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Marco's Thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marco reflects on his experience in afterlife and his relationship with Jean, sees a few dead friends, and finally returns back to Jean.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: minor manga spoilers for the afterlife of Titan shifters (basically just the description of it) (also I'm not caught up with the manga so the info might be wrong and if so I'll come back and change it later)</p><p>Also Warning: Marco has trauma from his death, and he hasn't dealt with it yet so there is some physical violence on another person in this chapter.</p><p>Marco's POV for the main chapter and just omniscient POV for the bonus scene</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Marco’s Thoughts</ins>
</p><p>Things had been...unreal for Marco.</p><p>That was one way to describe it, he mused.</p><p>Death had not been a pleasant time for Marco.</p><p>He remembered that time well, because it was the only thing he had known for four years.</p><p>He had spent four years in that place, in limbo.</p><p>It hadn’t been pleasant.</p><p>He hadn’t understood, at first, when he had died and ended up there. Marco knew that he was dead, but they didn’t answer his questions, he was in pain, and he was alone.</p><p>He could feel every moment of his death vividly, and he felt like he was reliving it over and over again at first, and it took so long for him to regenerate his own body, and to stop feeling the pain continuously. He didn't know how long it took, in actual time, because time moved differently there. He knew this because it felt like he spent days, weeks, months, <em>burning</em>, as if he were in hell.</p><p>But then eventually he wasn’t burning anymore, and the right side of his body was back, and he could finally breathe again, except for the fact that he really couldn’t, not in that place, there was no air, and he felt like he was suffocating, except for the fact that his chest no longer rose, having no need for it any longer. </p><p>Then he was alone, for what he thought was days, weeks, but then they finally spoke to him.</p><p>They told him that they were going to show him Jean, and Marco was so excited to finally see something that he didn't ask them any questions.</p><p>That was a mistake.</p><p>But anyways, they showed him Jean like they said they were going to.</p><p>And it was him, and that broke Marco’s heart.</p><p>Because he had to see Jean find his own body.</p><p>He saw how Jean’s face dropped underneath his mask, how his eyes started to tear up as he spotted his broken body, and this broke Marco.</p><p>He begged, he pleaded, he screamed, trying to get the attention of the voices, asking if he could <em>please</em> just go and talk to Jean. </p><p>They never responded.</p><p>It didn't make sense, he thought once he had wasted all of his energy screaming into the void that was his afterlife. How could Jean just be finding his body, when he had been there for ages, healing through the pain?</p><p>Eventually they spoke to him again, wanting to show him another scene of Jean, but this time Marco asked questions.</p><p>They didn’t answer all of them, but they did answer some. Yes, Marco was dead. No, he couldn’t leave. Why couldn’t he leave? Because he was tied to Jean. What did that mean? They didn’t answer. Why was he alone? Again, no answer.</p><p>Marco acquiesced however, and agreed to watch the new scene. This time it was Jean, who was graduating, and he was joining the Scouts <em>because of Marco</em>, and Marco watched as Jean struggled internally, his body shaking with the effort, hardly being able to face the decision he was making.</p><p>It broke Marco’s heart again.</p><p>This was the process that repeated over Marco’s time in purgatory. He would spend the time in between seeing Jean just lying on the ground, watching the floor ripple as he touched it. He would spend his time by going through his memories of life, and memorizing the new scenes of Jean. Eventually, the voices would call to him again, and he would ask them questions, and sometimes they would answer before showing him Jean again.</p><p>Marco learned many things while he was there, but he still didn't know at what point he exactly became numb.</p><p>He found out that he couldn’t leave that place until Jean died, but that didn't matter to him because he wished upon everything in the world that Jean could live a long, happy life. They told him that their ‘fates were tied together’, whatever the hell that means. He also wasn’t allowed to go visit the other places of death, see anyone else, the reason for which he never found out.</p><p>But slowly, surely, as Marco spent years, lifetimes, in that place, he lost a part of himself. That fire, that anger, that emotion and pain that he had felt first upon dying slowly drained out of him. He had no one to talk to, besides the three voices every once in a while, and so he slowly started getting numb.</p><p>The only thing that could knock him out of it was seeing Jean, and that was the only thing that could make him <em>feel</em>, and he just wished that he could talk to Jean, see him for <em>real</em> again, explain to him that—</p><p>Yeah.</p><p>He continued to see Jean’s life progress. It never felt like to him that Jean was going to die, but Marco felt constrained, imprisoned, <em>helpless</em> as he just watched some of the scenes play out. The worst of all to witness was seeing Jean get knocked unconscious, Armin dragging his lifeless body, trying to protect themselves from the rapidly encroaching Titans.</p><p>Marco felt paralyzed, distressed watching, and this triggered him into screaming, pleading again with the voices, tears streaming down his face as he watched Jean get too close to death for his comfort, only seizing when Marco saw the Titans back off. He couldn’t begin to comprehend what happened, but he was just relieved that Jean was going to be okay.</p><p>They didn’t answer him that time, however, when he asked about it though.</p><p>Eventually though, Marco gathered enough information to know that the three voices were all distinctly different. They wouldn’t tell him their names, but eventually Marco nicknamed them. E was the first one, they sounded more upbeat, at the very least their voice sounded relatively neutral most of the time. R was the second one, and even though their voice sounded more annoyed, aggravated, they were also the one that was most likely to answer some of Marco’s questions. K was the last one, and they sounded the most otherworldly, the most emotional, but the flowery answers they gave always sounded more like bullshit than real information. Marco appreciated the effort, however.</p><p>Marco spent way too much time while he was dead thinking of Jean, but then again he had lived a short life, and there were not many regrets to reflect upon, besides Jean. He thought about everything that happened in his life, but most often reflected upon what led him to choosing Jean.</p><p>Because it was a choice, at the end of the day.</p><p>When they had started training, Marco immediately put up his persona of the nice, everyday kinda guy. It’s not that he wasn’t a nice, kind person, but it was just easier to be that way all the time instead of showing his worst qualities. He really did come into training with a certain kind of naivete, thinking that he could change things in the Military Police for the better, and he wouldn’t pretend now that he wasn’t naive. Jean however? He was abrasive, honest, <em>brutally honest</em>, and Marco was shocked, of course, by his attitude, but he was also impressed. Jean knew what he wanted, he knew how to get it, and he wouldn’t pretend otherwise. That wasn’t really what drew Marco to him though, because even though Jean was difficult to get along with, it seemed like he really did pick, choose fights with even the most agreeable of their comrades. Marco had always been considered pretty smart, and most of that stemmed from his ability to disappear into the background, simply observing the things he saw without being perceived in the same way.</p><p>That was how he observed Jean, and that was how he found out that Jean was deliberately pushing people away. He didn’t want to make friends, didn't want to grow close to anyone, he seemed almost afraid of it. He seemed to think that if he made friends, it would hurt him all the worse when they inevitably left him.</p><p>Jean Kirstein wore his heart on his sleeve, even though he pretended not to, and Marco Bott pretended to wear his heart on his sleeve, but he didn’t.</p><p>No one really knew the real Marco.</p><p>No one, except for Jean.</p><p>The two of them appeared to be complete opposites, and that’s why they worked so well. Marco would unashamedly work his way into Jean’s heart, become a friend and show him that he didn't have to be afraid of connection, and maybe Marco could learn something from Jean in return, how to be more honest, open, with himself, and with others.</p><p>It worked a little too well, in the end.</p><p>Marco didn’t really know when he first started to fall in love with Jean Kirstein, but he did. What started as being impressed by Jean, turned into wanting to be Jean, and eventually evolved into wanting to be <em>with Jean</em>.</p><p>Jean was brilliant during training, especially with the ODM gear, and Marco went from being stunned by him, to wanting to emulate that, to thinking, <em>wow</em>, Jean is beautiful when he’s flying through the air, the way that his hair gets all ruffled, and his face finally relaxes, and he <em>seems free</em>.</p><p>It wasn’t an instant transition, but a slow one, until one day Marco woke up and finally realized. </p><p><em>He loved Jean</em>.</p><p>And he cared about the rest of his friends, cared about the rest of their comrades, but he knew that he didn't care for anyone as deeply as he singularly cared for Jean. There was no one he found as beautiful, that left him breathless, that made his chest flutter like that.</p><p>He wanted everyone to be safe and alive, but he <em>particularly</em> wanted Jean to be alive, safe within the Military Police.</p><p>Eventually Marco came to the conclusion that even though he particularly cared for Jean, it wasn’t the same for him, and Jean didn’t see him that way.</p><p>Jean cared too easily, too deeply if he let himself, and Marco knew that Jean cared about everyone, equally, for the most part.</p><p>There were exceptions, but Marco couldn’t hope to ever be one, and he was more than happy just being Jean’s closest friend.</p><p>Everything changed after he died, though. He had thought he was good at reading Jean, thought he knew the other boy intimately, in that way at least.</p><p>Marco was not prepared for Jean’s reaction to his death. He realized, all too terribly late, the impact that he had on Jean, watching as the younger boy fought to keep a part of Marco with him. He watched as Jean joined the Scouts, <em>because of him</em>. He watched, as Jean kissed the hand that had held his ashes, thinking of him before going into battle. He watched, as Jean grew up and became the man that he was always supposed to be, but how he would cry sometimes at night, and he would sob over Marco, crying out his name in the hopes that somewhere, Marco could hear him.</p><p>He had grieved Marco then, and he hadn’t stopped grieving for four years, and Marco was still alive within him, four years later.</p><p>Marco was so blinded by his love for Jean that he had failed to see that Jean <em>loved him back</em>.</p><p>The realization broke Marco, and he felt like his heart was ripping inside his chest, even though that same heart no longer beat.</p><p><em>Jean loved him,</em> <strong>Marco Bott</strong><em>, and he </em><strong>still </strong><em>loved him</em>. </p><p>This spun Marco into a million different thoughts, and it was a good thing he had plenty of time while dead, because he reviewed every interaction he had with Jean with a new lens, looking for the clues he had missed the first time.</p><p>He had missed the soft look in Jean's eyes, when he would look at Marco near the end of their training days, a look that he only gave Marco. </p><p>He had missed how proud Jean was, that <em>both</em> of them were graduating within the top ten.</p><p>He had missed how Jean wanted them both in the Military Police, not for the prestige, but for the <em>safety</em>, because he yearned for <em>Marco to be safe, specifically Marco, it was always Marco</em>.</p><p>He had missed the worry, the innate fear that went through Jean in Trost, at seeing Marco in danger, seeing Marco use himself as Titan bait. Marco had written it off at the time as Jean was just worried about him as a teammate, a friend, not realizing that it hurt Jean more because it was specifically <em>Marco</em>.</p><p>He had missed it all, and now Marco was dead and there was nothing he could do about it because he was stuck in that place <em>alone, and without Jean</em>.</p><p>It hurt him.</p><p>Eventually though, the pain numbed, and Marco would forget about it for a while, lost within the good memories of Jean, and he wouldn’t think of it again until they showed him Jean again.</p><p>That was how death went for Marco.</p><p>There were a few outlier days, however, during Marco’s stint in the afterlife.</p><p>One of those came when Bertolt died.</p><p>Marco was watching, obviously, as Jean fought in Shiganshina. He had been pulling his hair out, sat tense the whole time, innately worried for Jean and the rest of his friends. He had seen how it pained Jean, when they had to fight over who was saved, and Marco <em>knew</em> that Jean hated it, knew that Jean would never want to have to choose between two people’s lives, not when one was one of Jean’s closest friends, and the other his commander that he deeply respected. Not when they were fighting over who was going to kill their former teammate, and Marco had been so focused on Jean, and on Armin, that he had hardly realized that they were going to have to eat Bertolt, until Jean’s focus went back there, after they chose Armin. Marco saw how it hurt Jean to have to come to this, because even though Bertolt betrayed them all, he wasn’t aware of what they had done to Marco, and as much as he pretended to Sasha and Connie that he was fine with killing the traitors, he wasn’t. Jean couldn’t have killed them, wouldn’t have that ruthlessness in him, because Bertolt was still his friend once.</p><p>It hurt him, Marco realized, to see Armin reduced to a Titan, to see him eat Bertolt, to hear Bertolt cry out to his friends for help, before getting torn into pieces.</p><p>Jean didn’t even know what happened to him, and that jolted Marco, and part of him was angry, because how could Jean feel bad about the man who had helped kill Marco, except for the fact that <em>he didn’t know</em>, and that made some deep part of Marco feel irrationally angry.</p><p>He hadn’t spent too much time thinking about how he died, because soon enough after he died Jean had found out they were traitors, and then he didn’t have to worry anymore about them catching Jean off guard and hurting him, or his friends. Marco hadn’t spent too much time thinking about it because one day when the voices felt generous, they had told him that it was fate to die in Trost, and there wasn’t anything he could have done to prevent it.</p><p>So he hadn’t really spent time being angry about it, being angry about the unfairness of his life, because he had to spend his emotional capacity thinking about Jean, loving Jean, and worrying about Jean, and even though that <em>hurt</em> it hurt less than it would for Marco to actually confront his feelings about his own death.</p><p>So he just didn’t think about the circumstances of his death at all, but then suddenly Bertolt was dead and Marco was <em>angry</em>. He wanted to know why, he wanted to know the answer to the question he had asked on his deathbed, <em>his last fucking words</em>.</p><p>He wanted to confront Bertolt.</p><p>Marco let his demands be heard, begging the three to let him go and talk to Bertolt.</p><p>Marco was even more shocked when they let him. They explained to him that Bertolt was in a special afterlife, a place where all the Titan shifters would go after death, and that they would let Marco go there for a visit but he couldn’t stay.</p><p>That was enough for Marco.</p><p>A flurry of colors surrounded him, and the next thing he knew was that he was in a different place, a place that seemed to be full of stars. </p><p>It was amazing to look at, and Marco could just stare at the change of scenery for days, but he was sent there for a purpose.</p><p>There was sand beneath his feet, and Marco paused for a moment to marvel at it, before picking a direction and walking towards the nearest person he saw.</p><p>It was Ymir.</p><p>“Ymir!” Marco called out, breathless, so excited to see another person.</p><p>He had just found out Ymir was dead moments before he found out Bertolt was dead, when Jean saw the letter from Reiner, but he thought that maybe Ymir had been dead for a little longer, considering the fact that time was weird like that in the afterlife.</p><p>“Marco?” she questioned, looking up at him shocked.</p><p>She hadn’t changed much since he last saw her, and even though he didn’t know Ymir very well he was still tempted to draw her into a hug, just glad to see someone he considered a friend.</p><p>“<em>Ymir Fritz</em>, don’t tell me that you were a Titan shifter—” she warned, before being interrupted.</p><p>“No, don’t be silly, I’m just here visiting,” Marco replied, voice oddly pleasant. </p><p>“Who are you here to visit?” Ymir seemed apprehensive.</p><p>“Bertolt, he just died you know,” Marco said matter of factly.</p><p>“How did you know he just died?”</p><p>“I saw Jean watching.”</p><p>“You see Jean?” Ymir sounded wistful.</p><p>“He’s the only thing I see in my afterlife,” Marco’s voice started to become hollow and empty.</p><p>“Ymir? —<em>Marco</em>?”</p><p>The two of them turned, seeing a startled Bertolt stare at them in shock. He looked like he had seen a ghost.</p><p>“Does this mean—” Bertolt sounded horrified.</p><p>“I’m not a shifter,” Marco interrupted again, starting to scowl. It was an unseemly look, coming from Marco.</p><p>“What do you want?” Bertolt was starting to back away, fear evident in his voice. “Is this my punishment?”</p><p>“Punishment?” Ymir echoed, at the same time Marco went, “Your punishment for killing me?”</p><p>Looking affronted, but also scared at the unnaturally deadened expression on Marco’s face, Ymir decided to speak up. “Marco, I know that they caused Trost but he didn't kill you—”</p><p>“They killed me, Ymir! My blood is on <em>their</em> hands, not the hands of a Titan. They stripped me of my gear and they had the audacity to watch as I was torn apart by Titans, had the audacity to cry about it. I want to know why Bertolt! I want to know why you couldn’t just talk to me, why you had to resort to killing me!”</p><p>At this point, Marco had reached the retreating Bertolt, and had grabbed on to his shirt. Bertolt looked more scared than they had ever seen him look before.</p><p>When Bertolt made no move to give an explanation, refusing to look Marco in the eyes, refusing to do anything, something inside of Marco snapped.</p><p>He drew his fist back, and punched Bertolt straight in the nose, using the weight of his own body to knock him down on the ground, sand flying everywhere.</p><p>“ANSWER ME!” Marco screamed, staring down at the collapsed Bertolt, who had managed to scramble up enough to use his elbows to prop himself up. He didn’t realize that the look of horror in Bertolt’s eyes was mainly due to the fact that Marco’s face kept shifting in and out, one second there and the other second gone, as mangled and destroyed as it had been dead.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” Bertolt pleaded, looking away from Marco again.</p><p>“You don’t get to be sorry!” With that, Marco lunged for Bertolt’s throat, hands crushing his windpipe, smashing his head against the sandy ground with a sickening crack. “You don’t get to say that! Not when you did this to me!”</p><p>“I didn’t want to—” Bertolt choked out.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter! Because of you I’ve been left alone, <em>damned</em>, for months, alone!” In between speaking, Marco had gone back to punching him again, blood steadily streaming down Bertolt’s face now. “You’re the one who deserves to look like this, betrayer,” Marco’s voice had gone cold, and with that he dug his nails into Bertolt’s skin, ripping down the right side of his face, letting the blood pool under his fingertips as he watched the scratches form underneath.</p><p>“Marco—” Ymir looked horrified, and she had started to move to stop him when he had thrown the first punch, but she froze, and was now standing awkwardly next to them.</p><p>“I’m sorry, please—”</p><p>“I—” Marco had paused, looking down, finally seeing with horror what he had done, blood staining his own hands now. Bertolt hadn’t fought him back, hadn’t defended himself at all, and that shocked him, he had thought that Bertolt was going to do something, not just take it like it was his divine punishment. He couldn’t find it within himself to apologize, however, even though he knew he should, even though he knew that this wasn’t who he was, but he awkwardly stood up instead, removing his weight and hands off of Bertolt “That—that wasn’t me. I—I don’t think I know who I am anymore.”</p><p>“What did you mean when you said you’ve been alone?”</p><p>“I’ve been alone the entire time I’ve been dead.” Marco’s voice was unemotional again.</p><p>“Why?” Ymir looked at him with something akin to pity, but Marco couldn’t place it at the moment, his head a complete, spinning mess.</p><p>“I can’t leave, move on, until Jean dies.” Something weird tugged inside of Marco’s chest.</p><p>An understanding passed through her, and Ymir looked down at Bertolt before replying. “They really did damn you, huh,” she chuckled, but it was a dark sound.</p><p>Bertolt looked back at him, not flinching, but turning away so that he could cough up some blood.</p><p>“Ymir, how did you die?” Marco turned back towards her, and concern for her was now on his face. “Jean….he didn’t see you die.”</p><p>“I went back with them,” she jerked her head over towards Bertolt, “and before you start, they didn’t betray me. I chose to go with them, fully knowing that I would die from it.”</p><p>“How could you do that?” Marco’s voice was laced with concern now, but it also sounded slightly unhinged. “How could you do that to Krista? You loved her.”</p><p>Ymir looked uncomfortable, shifting her weight from one leg to another, avoiding Marco’s eyes.</p><p>“She’s going to spend every day for the rest of her life wondering why she couldn’t save you, you know.”</p><p>“How do you know that?” she spit out, voice accusing.</p><p>“Because that’s how Jean sees it,” at that Ymir seemed taken aback again, “I don’t care if it drives me insane in the meantime, I hope Reiner joins the both of you here years before Jean ever joins me,” with that he looked back down towards Bertolt.</p><p>“You loved him,” Ymir breathed out softly, finally realizing.</p><p>“It haunted us, you know,” Bertolt startled the both of them, speaking in an even but raspy tone, “it haunted me until the day I died. I know it doesn’t mean anything now, but I’m sorry. As for Reiner, it broke him. That day in Trost was the day that his warrior was lost, he couldn’t live with what he had done anymore, couldn’t face himself as a traitor. I’m sorry, Marco.”</p><p>Bertolt already looked like he was starting to heal, blood no longer dripping from his wounds, the marks on his throat barely noticeable.</p><p>Marco hadn’t been paying that much attention to it, but the tugging inside of his chest got greater, incessant now, and he realized what it meant.</p><p>“I have to go now. I guess….this is goodbye. I hope you see her again, Ymir. I—I’m sorry I got carried away, Bertolt,” Marco gave them a little wave, smiling slightly, but it just came across as awkward.</p><p>“What do you mean, this is goodbye? You can’t go back there, Marco, it’s not good for you—” Ymir actually sounded concerned, and that warmed Marco’s heart.</p><p>“I have to,” he replied simply, “if I want to see Jean again.”</p><p>“Will you come back?” Ymir’s voice was starting to fade, as Marco’s vision started to get hazy.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry, I can’t, they won’t let me. This is goodbye, forever, but it’s more of a goodbye then I got in life,” Marco’s voice strained, trying to make sure that Ymir and Bertolt could hear them.</p><p>She gave him a grave nod in response, and Bertolt was nursing his throat, but also nodded.</p><p>With that, Marco let himself fully be taken back, and that was the last he had seen of his friend Ymir, his killer Bertolt.</p><p>The next thing he knew was that he was back in that cursed place again.</p><p>Slumping over, he collapsed against one of the blackened walls of the place, sliding down to the floor.</p><p>What had he become? He looked down, blood now caked and dried underneath his fingernails. It had felt so real, it had been the realest thing he had felt since he had died, that was the first time he had <em>touched</em> something since he had died.</p><p>And he had done <em>that</em>.</p><p>All of a sudden, Marco felt sick, like he had to vomit, and his body didn't stop him, leaning over so that he could dry heave onto the slick, black ground. </p><p>He didn't know who he was anymore, and he didn’t know how to find himself again. </p><p>He started to cry then, as his stomach did flips inside his abdomen. He spent a long time, crying, allowing the tears to flow from his eyes, mourning himself, mourning the future he couldn’t have, mourning the life he couldn’t have with Jean.</p><p>What would Jean think, if he saw him here? Would he be ashamed of what Marco had become? Worse, would he be scared? Would he be afraid of him?</p><p>Logically, Marco knew that Jean would probably do the exact same thing, reacting with physical violence, if he knew what those two had done and had an opportunity to confront them about it. Grief and emotions weren’t logical though, and Marco sobbed, thinking that Jean might not be proud of him anymore, thinking that Marco was weak for what he’s become, what he’s done.</p><p>Eventually he had no more tears left to cry, though, and he went back to his usual daily  routine: the Jean Kirstein show.</p><p>Things were better, after Shiganshina, and Jean was in less life threatening scenarios, which made Marco glad. It was nice, to see them have good moments for once.</p><p>The ocean, for example.</p><p>Marco smiled, genuinely smiled, seeing Jean see the ocean for the first time. It was funny, it was heartwarming, and then it was heartbreaking, because he couldn’t be there with Jean.</p><p>It was also bittersweet seeing Jean get older. He grew into himself, got taller, grew out his hair. It made him look impossibly better in Marco’s eyes, but again <em>he couldn’t be there with him</em>, and that hurt Marco.</p><p>Everything changed when Eren attacked Liberio, however.</p><p>Marco felt the same panic, the same horror that Jean felt, seeing Eren engage in the same war crimes that Reiner and Bertolt had committed, years ago.</p><p>At least Marco knew not everyone was lost to the effect that killing had on a person, i.e. deadened, because he saw the concern that Jean still held for the innocent civilians of Liberio.</p><p>He was still his Jean, even though some of their other friends seemed inevitably lost, and that made Marco feel terribly sad. He also just mourned them all in general, knowing that they never would have wanted to become this, attacking an innocent city, innocent people. Perhaps, they didn't even know themselves anymore either.</p><p>However, Marco had thought everyone was going to get out of this mission alive, and he was happy that at least it was a success, it wasn’t a complete waste, but that changed when the little girl got up in the airship.</p><p>Marco watched, in shock, as a girl no older than twelve fired her rifle, and he screamed, shrieked when he saw Jean push Sasha out of the way at the last moment, the bullet ripping through his abdomen instead. He saw the way his warm blood spread through his uniform, saw Jean’s eyelids flutter as he fought to stay awake, stay alive.</p><p>“Please, please, tell me that Jean is not going to die today,” Marco pleaded, tears streaming down his face, hoping that the voices would answer him. It was too soon, it was too soon and Marco knew that, intrinsically, but he felt within his chest that Jean was also <em>dying</em>, and he couldn’t handle it.</p><p>One of the voices spoke back to him, R, and Marco was aghast when he realized that they were in shock also, “That was not his fate, Jean Kirstein shouldn’t have gotten shot—”</p><p>“Gabi was supposed to kill Sasha—”</p><p>“How did he—”</p><p>“—without training—”</p><p>“—fuck, he’s coming <em>here, now</em>—”</p><p>“What are we going to do?”</p><p>They were panicking, Marco realized, and that made him panic even more.</p><p>“What’s happening, please tell me!?”</p><p>The voices quieted at that, before E responded. “Jean Kirstein is coming here, Marco.”</p><p>“Is he dead?” Marco’s voice was full of emotion, and he sounded scared.</p><p>“Not….really.” The voices seemed to be rotating, deciding between themselves who was talking.</p><p>“What does this mean?”</p><p>“He’ll have a choice. It seems like he’s figured out how to change fate, and therefore only he has control over what happens to him now.”</p><p>“I—” Marco’s voice broke, “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“You’ll have to explain it to him, Marco Bott. We won’t be able to talk to him.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“He has three main choices: he can die, and both of you will move on to the afterlife, he can live, and return back to that time, or—”</p><p>“Or what?”</p><p>“He can take both of you back, to the moment that tied your fates together to begin with.”</p><p>“When was that?”</p><p>“The moment that he first fell in love with you.”</p><p>Marco froze at that. It was one thing for him to believe, perhaps foolishly, that Jean loved him, it was another thing for some primordial, godly beings to confirm it.</p><p>“He’ll be here in a few moments. Good luck, Marco Bott,” with that, the voices faded away, and Marco felt their presence leave.</p><p>Furiously wiping his tears off his face, Marco tried to compose himself. This was going to be their reunion, the first time he had <em>seen</em> seen Jean in four years, and he had to be put together. For Jean.</p><p>Turning around, he was amazed to Jean materialize out of thin air. He was no longer dressed in his uniform, contrary to what happened to Marco when he died. Jean looked like he had almost been born anew, his body washed free of his wounds in life, and even though he was still nineteen, still had his scruffy beard, he looked younger somehow. </p><p>Like he was at peace.</p><p>He was beautiful, and<em> free</em>.</p><p>“Jean?” Marco called out, seeing if he could rouse him. </p><p>He waited for a few moments, allowing Jean to wake up and grow accustomed to his new surroundings. </p><p>He wasn’t prepared for the force that Jean used to subsequently hug him, once he realized that Marco was there. </p><p>Marco couldn’t believe it, Jean was there, and he was <em>in his arms</em>, and he was warm and solid and <em>real</em>. He had missed Jean so much, but yet he wasn’t prepared for this, wasn’t prepared to meet Jean under these circumstances. But the way that Jean held him, the way that the older boy buried himself in Marco’s warmth, resting his head on Marco’s shoulder, the way that his tears flowed down, staining Marco’s uniform.</p><p>Marco realized that he couldn’t give this up, couldn’t give Jean up, not again.</p><p>He was relieved, if not at least a little bit panicked, when Jean chose to go back in time.</p><p>Marco was amazed, when he woke up in their barracks, Jean’s face hovering above him. He was amazed to see Jean look so young again, so carefree, <em>so happy</em>. He watched, awe apparent on his face, as Jean collapsed next to him in bed. <em>Fuck</em>, Marco just wanted to kiss him, to tell him how much he loved him, how he had always loved him. He saw how Jean looked back at him like he was his stars and moon, and Marco couldn’t help but gently grab Jean’s chin, tilting it towards him.</p><p>“Can I—” Marco breathed out, voice betraying just how badly he wanted to kiss Jean.</p><p>Jean didn’t care though, he grinned before reaching for Marco’s face, replying with an enthusiastic “<em>Fuck, yes!</em>”</p><p>Marco poured every ounce of longing, all of his repressed feelings for Jean, everything he wished he could have said to Jean before he died, all of that he put into that kiss. And Jean was warm underneath his hands, and he was <em>so soft</em>, and Marco wished that he could just do this, every moment for the rest of his life.</p><p>They couldn’t though, and they had to go face the rest of their friends, the two of them boys now out of time.</p><p>But Marco had Jean, and that’s all he needed.</p><p>Marco was just grateful, he was grateful that he was going to get a second chance with Jean, and he would take every opportunity he had, even if he was afraid that it wouldn’t last. </p><p>Because he was afraid, because he knew that Jean hadn’t meant to change fate in Liberio, and he didn’t know if Jean would be able to do it again.</p><p>It’s not that he didn’t believe Jean could do it, he was just afraid that Jean would try and inevitably fail, because he couldn’t control this supposed ability to change fate yet.</p><p>Even though he was afraid, Marco decided that he was not going to take any moments in vain. It was his second chance, and he would live it to its fullest, and he would be with Jean and he would support him. He would laugh again, and have a good time with his friends, and when the day came in Trost, if he still lived afterwards?</p><p>Then Marco would face his own demons, and heal from them. He would find himself again, but in case he had to die again, he was going to live every moment without regrets, and that meant living with Jean. If he survived Trost, there would be plenty of time for them to deal with the traumatized parts of Marco.</p><p>In the meantime, he just had to survive.</p><p>---------------------------</p><p>Bonus Scene Time:</p><p>Ymir and Bertolt watched as Marco disappeared in a rainbow of colors surrounding him, his hair blowing around his face as he looked upon them with a mournful look on his face. The mood between the two remaining had quickly turned somber, and Ymir was not one who had a lot of love for other people anyways.</p><p>She turned towards Bertolt, who was still laying on the ground, now propped up on his elbows again. There were angry red handprints around his throat, dried blood all over his face and shirt from where it had dripped from nose, elbow caked in blood from where he had coughed it up, the deep scratches on his right side steaming, in the process of healing. He looked like a wreck, but he also seemed resigned to that fact.</p><p>That was why he was so shocked when Ymir walked over and bent down towards him, and he was even more stunned when she slapped him with a large <strong>crack</strong>, causing Bertolt to lose his balance again, head falling back on the ground.</p><p>He had never been slapped that hard before, he thought as he gingerly brought his hand up to his face, Ymir observing the reddening mark on his left cheek.</p><p>“You two are fucking idiots. You were seriously talking about your fucking secret plans in the middle of Trost? It could have been any of us who heard you! It could’ve been <em>Historia</em>, you motherfucker. How the fuck did you manage to not get caught sooner, dipshits? No wonder Annie left your asses behind,” Ymir ranted, disgust evident on her face, “I swear to Ymir Fritz, if I had known just how stupid you two were I never would’ve gone with you. You share one fucking brain cell between the two of you, I <em>swear</em>.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to kill him.” Bertolt’s voice was small, and also strained.</p><p>“You never learned to stand up for yourself, Bertolt. It’s a disgrace. How can you call yourself a warrior if you’re always such a goddamn pushover?”</p><p>He had no rebuke to that, so Ymir just continued.</p><p>“And Marco? You really killed the one person out of our friends who’d probably hear you out, and wouldn't react with immediate violence? That’s the one you killed? God, the warriors have gone to the dogs since I was in Marley. Stupid. I would say, ‘who died and left Reiner in charge’ but that’s probably the one that I ended up eating—”</p><p>“Marcel,” Bertolt interrupted her, pausing to cough again, “he was the best of us. Reiner….he’s just gone through too much. It broke him.”</p><p>“I can’t believe killing Marco actually contributed to his obvious mental disorder,” Ymir sounded introspective as she shook her head, “that’s quite impressive, that it affected him so much to fucking split his personality. Honestly, just goes to show you that you probably shouldn’t have killed Marco. Did you see him, Bertolt? You three fucking broke him.”</p><p>“Bertolt?” A voice called out, and it’s almost like saying his name summoned him.</p><p>“Marcel?” Bertolt’s eyes were wide in shock, mouth dropping open. </p><p>A young man with reddish brown hair came strolling up to the two of them. He wore a shocked expression on his face as he looked over Bertolt, eyes skipping over Ymir’s figure. Both Bertolt and Ymir internally noted how he seemed to have grown since he was dead. </p><p>“Bertolt….what happened to you?” Marcel was immediately concerned, and rushed to kneel down next to Bertolt, hand reaching up to tilt Bertolt’s head, looking over his injuries.</p><p>Ymir stood to the side, seeming deeply uncomfortable in the presence of the person she ate.</p><p>“Did you die like this?” Marcel asked softly, gingerly observing the deep scratches on Bertolt’s face, that continued to hiss and let off steam.</p><p>“No.” Bertolt’s voice was barely above a whisper.</p><p>“Did she—” Marcel turned around towards Ymir in horror.</p><p>“No,” she replied scowling, at the same time that Bertolt vigorously shook his head no, before lightly gasping in pain.</p><p>Marcel just looked at Bertolt, waiting patiently for an explanation.</p><p>“We had a visitor,” Bertolt started softly, “from another afterlife. We….I killed him. He was a friend, and he died thinking that we were still friends.”</p><p>“Someone came here? From another afterlife?” Marcel seemed shocked.</p><p>Ymir nodded in reply.</p><p>“You betrayed someone like that?” Marcel asked, softer, looking sad as he examined Bertolt’s throat, fingers tenderly tracing the outline of handprints.</p><p>Bertolt couldn’t look Marcel in the eyes.</p><p>Marcel just gave a displeased hum in reply, before standing back up.</p><p>“I wonder….” he started, “if someone from another afterlife came here, then that means that they have power over Ymir Fritz….or they serve someone higher than Ymir Fritz. Who the hell did you kill, Bertolt?”</p><p>Bertolt looked over towards Ymir, who seemed just as lost and confused as him.</p><p>“This….” Marcel’s eyes sparkled in an unfamiliar way, “this could change everything. This could end the Titans.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is the longest chapter so far, even without the bonus scene, but once I got into Marco's head I couldn't leave so here this is (it was supposed to be a few thousand words less lmao)</p><p>I feel so bad for my poor baby Marco :(</p><p>also this is probably the point where the weird time travel things start to play in (time travel fics always get weird) so please let me know what you think and if anything's confusing or there's any questions please let me know in a comment below (the time travel stuff will be explored more later, but that it gonna be awhile before we get to that so)</p><p>please leave kudos if you're enjoying the story and thank you all so much &lt;3</p><p>edit 3/21/21: hey everyone I just found this art on twitter and it was going to make me cry and I felt like sharing it so please check it out if you want (also it'll be a few more days before a new update college is kicking my ass xoxo)<br/>https://twitter.com/taba00000/status/1373630799828852736</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Aftermath of Trost + The Trial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's the aftermath of Trost, Jean and Marco share a moment or two, and then Eren's trial starts up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>The Aftermath of Trost + The Trial</ins>
</p><p>After spending the night basking in the company of one another, Jean and Marco had to get up the next day and go back to Trost. </p><p>They had to deal with the dead.</p><p>It was tedious work, and it dampened Jean’s spirit, but yet he still complied without fail. He recognized that Eren had probably already been taken into custody, and thrown into a jail cell, but no one had come to question him about his role in Trost yet. He was a bit more subtle in his earlier ministrations than Eren anyway, and just expected to be questioned by the Garrison or Scouts when they got done clearing the city, considering that only Pyxis probably believed he actually saw the future.</p><p>It was a tad unbelievable, he’d admit.</p><p>So that’s what Jean was doing, and it was tedious fucking work. It was depressing to see bodies littering the streets, his hometown transformed into a merciless warzone. To part of him, it felt like the whole situation was his fault, and so he took up the burden of helping to clear the bodies without resistance, because that was what he could do to atone for letting them attack Trost in the first place. He felt like his hands were bloodied from it all, since he had the opportunity to stop it.</p><p>Everything was going about as well as could be expected, until Jean turned onto another street full of dead bodies and felt a tug inside of him, a compulsion to go and look further.</p><p>He was shocked when the tug within his chest led him walking down a familiar street to a specific dead body, sprawled out on the same spot where Marco had been four years earlier.</p><p>Jean’s eyes went wide at the sight, his face blanched underneath his mask as he gazed upon the half-eaten body, too fucking similar to what he had seen before. Half of the nameless soldier’s face had been ripped off, making them unable to be recognized, along with a missing arm and leg, the exact same side gone, just like Marco had been. </p><p>It was horrifying.</p><p>Marco had been working near Jean, and had followed behind him as he had turned onto this street, but hadn’t said anything to Jean as Jean traced his footsteps to this dead body, as if in a trance.</p><p>“Jean?” </p><p>Marco’s voice rose up behind him, and he didn't have to turn to know that it was Marco who had just laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in an act of comfort.</p><p>“Excuse me, do you two know who this is?” A medic nearby had noticed them, the two boys stopped in the middle of the street.</p><p>“I—” Jean’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I thought I knew who this was. But it's not him.”</p><p>Marco moved his hand down to squeeze at Jean’s hand, hoping to jolt him out of it.</p><p>Jean continued to stare. It seemed so similar to Marco, the exact same position, and the image floated in his head, juxtaposed against the sight he was seeing with his own eyes now. If he blinked it was Marco, and then blinked again it was back to this unknown soldier, face too far gone, too mauled to identify. The images kept swimming together, merging together, and Jean nearly didn't know what was real anymore.</p><p>“Sorry, m’am, we don’t know who this is. He—he thought he recognized who it was. We’re sorry for interrupting your work,” Marco replied in Jean’s place, and it was Marco’s voice that finally broke the hold that the dead body had on Jean.</p><p>Jean tore his gaze away, turning his entire body to face away from the corpse. His hand tightened in Marco’s grasp, and he felt like he could vomit at any moment.</p><p>Moving to bury his head into Marco’s shoulder, Jean shuddered, and Marco moved his arms around him in response.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jean whispered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you too.”</p><p>Jean wasn’t sure whether he was referring to Marco or the corpse that lay in front of them, or both of them, but Marco tightened his arms around him in response, and moved his hands up to clutch at Jean’s hair, in an act of comfort. Marco seemed resolved, as he drew Jean in tighter, and he whispered small sentiments into Jean’s ear, how he would never let Jean feel like this again, because it was breaking his heart, seeing Jean like this.</p><p>---------------------</p><p>That night, after finishing clearing the city, burning all the dead, the fog finally dissipated from Jean’s mind. With a clearer head, Jean and Marco retired to where the cadets were sleeping, only to discover that they were being summoned.</p><p>Summoned to Eren’s trial.</p><p>The letters that had been sent said that Rico would retrieve them the next day, alongside Mikasa and Armin, so that the four cadets would serve to recount Eren’s actions in Trost.</p><p>It said just as witnesses, but Jean knew there was the possibility that he could be questioned as well. That bastard Nile, he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to make the Scouts look like fools, and he was definitely going to be pissed once he knew that two valuable strategic weapons in the 104th Training Corps were going to go to the Scouts.</p><p>That made the trial seem more daunting, and Jean began to look less and less forward to it, because he wasn’t entirely sure what was going to go down. He didn't have a lot of complete knowledge about the trial, all he really knew was that Levi would beat the shit out of Eren at one point, and somehow Erwin had come up with a convincing enough reason for Zachary to let them have Eren.</p><p>But now? They’d have Jean to deal with. He suspected that Pyxis was in communication with Erwin somehow, in a way that wouldn’t arouse suspicion among the military, so there was a decent chance Pyxis would mention Jean to Erwin, plus the fact that Levi knew of him as someone who could see the future. </p><p>Would they play that card, though? More importantly, did they actually believe that Jean could tell the future?</p><p>It didn't matter, Jean scowled internally, he was basically irrelevant because they had managed to come up with a plan last time without Jean to save Eren, and so they wouldn’t <em>need</em> to include Jean at all.</p><p>Jean couldn’t pretend to understand how their minds worked, but he knew Commander Smith was cunning with his plans, eternally suspicious of those he didn’t know, and he would play his cards in the trial effectively and ruthlessly.</p><p>But that left Jean, out of the loop, and unsure how to play his own cards.</p><p>“Do you know what’s going to happen tomorrow?” Marco and Jean were alone at the barracks at the moment, staring at their summons, and Marco’s calm but concerned voice finally broke Jean out of his thoughts.</p><p>Moving to sit down on their bed, Jean continued to stare at his letter, one hand reaching out to grasp at Marco's as he sat down next to him.</p><p>Jean hummed for a moment, and then finally started to speak, “I don’t actually know too much about what’s going to happen. I’ll have to play it by ear. I know they’ll ask the four of us, and Rico, about what happened in Trost, and we’ll have to answer honestly. Nile, he’s in charge of the Military Police, and we can’t let them get ahold of me, or Eren at all, but he’ll try his best to discredit Eren and therefore the Scouts. I know Levi will beat the shit out of Eren, but I don’t know when, and I don’t know how I’m going to factor into any of this.”</p><p>“Do you think they’ll question you at all?” Marco’s eyes were wide, focusing straight at Jean while he spoke, a serious expression on his face.</p><p>“I’m loath to admit it,” Jean rolled his eyes in disgust, “but Nile could possibly want to question me more. He’s a disgusting, slimy, dishonest man. If he can’t use me to his benefit, he’ll probably try to turn it around on me and label me as a hoax or a threat. If things get ugly, Pyxis will vouch for me, probably not externally, but I know that the Garrison will support Eren joining the Scouts, at least informally. If Nile’s against me, then Erwin will be for me, but I’m just not sure how he’ll spin it.”</p><p>God, Jean hated Nile, despised that man. He, alongside the rest of the Military Police,  was cowardly; none of them deserved to live in the luxury and safety of the interior, not when all they did to get there was torturing and murdering innocent civilians to defend a false monarchy, uphold their <em>lies</em>, and engage in the worst kind of corruption. The Military Police were just <em>that fucking corrupt</em>. It was disgusting.</p><p>“Let me know, tomorrow, if there’s anything I can do to help. I know we’ll have to play it by ear, but I’ll be there to support you nonetheless,” Marco smiled, and squeezed Jean’s hand.</p><p>“Thanks, Marco, I appreciate it,” Jean looked back over at that, face breaking out into an unsure, tenuous smile.</p><p>“We’re a team, Jean, and don’t you forget it.”</p><p>Jean pulled Marco into his arms at that, and proceeded to bury his head into Marco’s neck, his smile dancing across Marco’s skin as he tightened his arms around him. He would never get tired of this, having Marco by his side, being able to touch him, kiss him, be with him. Jean couldn’t do it without Marco.</p><p>Marco smiled softly in response, tightening his own arms around Jean, hand reaching up to play with Jean’s hair like he usually did. His other hand reached up Jean’s shirt, fingers lightly dancing up his chest until reaching the spot that made Jean let out a small hiss.</p><p>His ribs were still bruised. </p><p>“Jean,” Marco scolded lightly, drawing back so he could look at the bruised ribs closer, raising his shirt, “do you need this bandaged up? Are you in pain?”</p><p>“It’s fine, Marco,” Jean brushed it off, not concerned at all. He had had worse injuries in the past, and nothing was going to help it heal anyway except for time. </p><p>So in response, he just removed Marco’s hand gently, and then snuggled himself back into Marco’s arms. Having someone there to comfort him, to ask how he was doing, already made him feel warm and hazy and cared for, and there was nothing more Marco could do to make him feel better except be there.</p><p>Marco sighed softly in response as he continued to run his fingers through Jean’s hair. “Oh, Jean. You really are a fool.”</p><p>“I may be a fool, but you’re just as much of one, choosing to be with me. Look at you, getting all soft, playing with my hair,” Jean teased.</p><p>“Well what can I say, except that I can’t wait for your hair to grow out.”</p><p>Jean grinned into Marco’s neck, before he used his body weight to push both of them back on the bed, Jean leaning over Marco, pinning him down, laughing at the shocked look on Marco’s face as the back of his head hit the pillow. </p><p>“Ya know,” Jean bit his lip as he looked over Marco, smirking, “I think you’d look good too if you let your hair grow out.”</p><p>Marco smiled sweetly at that, a faint blush lighting up his freckles scattered on his face. “Come here,” he muttered softly, arms reaching up around Jean’s neck, and Jean let himself be guided down, lips tentatively meeting Marco’s, before Jean sighed and relaxed into it. </p><p>He loved kissing Marco, Jean thought, as he opened up his mouth under Marco’s tongue, at the light prodding on his own lips. He was addicted to the feeling, not only Marco’s lips, but the way Marco slipped one of his hands down, resting on Jean’s hip, slipping underneath his shirt, and how the other was tangled up into his own hair, as Marco gently devoured his own mouth with a deceptively sinful tongue. Jean’s own hands were framing Marco’s face, thumbs brushing over the freckles splattered there, the majority of Jean’s weight resting on Marco’s taller body.</p><p>Yeah, they might have the trial tomorrow, but tonight?</p><p>Tonight, all of Jean’s attention was on the beautiful, black haired boy underneath him, and how this was going to <em>blow his mind</em>. </p><p>-----------------</p><p>The sunlight streamed in, hazy, the next morning, slowly but surely waking Jean and Marco.</p><p>Jean slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the increasing light in the room. With every inch of his skin, he felt Marco. They had fallen asleep on their sides, and now Jean could feel the warm presence of Marco behind him, cocooning him. Marco’s small, even breaths tickled the back of Jean’s neck, and his arm was slung firm around Jean’s waist, holding him tight against Marco’s front. Their legs intertwined below, and Jean wished he could wake up everyday like this, in utter, domestic bliss.</p><p>Jean just let out a small smile, and moved his hand down to lace his fingers between Marco’s. They could wait a few minutes, he supposed, before getting ready. </p><p>Jean made to turn over, wanting to wake Marco up gently, but that was when the door swung open. </p><p>“Jean! Marco! Rico is waiting to take us to the trial, are you two rea—”</p><p>Jean had sat up at the sound of Armin’s voice, bringing his hands up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, but hadn’t noticed that their blanket had slipped down, showing his exposed chest. His exposed chest, which just so happened to have a nasty purple bruise on the right side of his ribcage, the color not matching the few scattered marks, <em>hickeys</em>, on display, that had been gently peppered by Marco around the rest of his chest and abdomen.</p><p>Oh, yeah, Jean thought, still half-asleep, we’re naked, and Armin—</p><p>He looked up once he realized, horrified, only to see a blushing Armin, whose voice had previously stuttered to a stop, and he was now averting his gaze away from the two boys.</p><p>Well, fuck.</p><p>Jean felt himself start to blush, lightly, trying not to panic.</p><p>“Um, Armin, just give us a few minutes to get dressed and we’ll be there as soon as we can. Is that okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine, I’ll tell them you’re still getting ready,” the smaller boy squeaked out, quickly rushing out of the room.</p><p>Jean looked down at Marco, only to notice the blush that was reddening his entire face, yet his eyes remained closed, eyelashes fluttering slightly.</p><p>“You really think pretending to still be asleep is going to get you out of this?” Jean ruffled Marco’s hair as he spoke, trying to smooth out the bedhead, stray strands of hair sticking up at the back.</p><p>“Shut up, Jean, I’m sleeping,” Marco mumbled in reply, blush deepening.</p><p>Jean bent down to give Marco a small kiss on his nose, and Marco just smiled in response, still refusing to open his eyes.</p><p>What a pair, Jean thought as he started to move out of their bed to get ready, what a pair of <em>fools</em> we are.</p><p>-------------------</p><p>A short time later, Jean and Marco had managed to get dressed, and they met Armin, Mikasa, and Rico outside.</p><p>Mikasa nodded at them as a greeting, Armin blushed again, not able to look either one of them in the eyes, and Rico just looked at them with a bored expression on her face, like she was already over having to babysit four trainees.</p><p>“Let’s go,” she said sharply but not unkindly, “we don’t have any time to waste, and we don’t want to be late.”</p><p>They walked quickly, soon enough arriving to the courtroom. The journey there was silent, Mikasa and Armin too busy being worried over Eren, and Jean and Marco busy worrying over Jean.</p><p>Rico led them in, people were still chatting and therefore there was a low buzz of voices in the courtroom, showing that they thankfully weren’t late. They walked over to where they were supposed to stand in the order they walked in, Rico first, then Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and finally Marco.</p><p>Jean looked over at Armin to see him looking down, fiddling with his fingers.</p><p>“Hey, Armin,” he whispered, in a low voice.</p><p>“What?” Armin answered back softly, but he looked startled, nervous and on edge.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay. They’re not going to kill Eren, just trust me.”</p><p>Armin, numb, just nodded in reply.</p><p>Jean, meanwhile, caught Rico’s eyes as he turned back to face the courtroom, she was staring at them, but she didn’t move to say anything. Jean just shrugged it off, knowing that she was watching him, but he was used to the sensation at this point and Rico was not the worst person to have watching him.</p><p>A few moments later, Zachary cleared his throat, and the voices of the crowd instantly quieted down.</p><p>Then they brought Eren out, in chains, brutally locking him to a pole in the center of the room. Jean heard of the gasps of his friends around him, alongside the majority of the crowd, and even though his own wasn’t audible, he was still shocked by the brutal treatment that Eren was receiving. </p><p><em>It’s fine</em>, he told himself, Eren will heal anyways. It didn’t matter what happened to him while he was locked up, but Jean still felt the thought nag at the back of his head, and he was annoyed, honestly, that anyone could be afraid of Eren enough to brutalize or kill him. Like, look at him, he’s a scared and confused fifteen year old boy, not a war criminal, <em>but then again</em>, the traitors were only twelve year old when they destroyed half of Paradis’ population. Jean guessed that being a child didn't immediately excuse anything, but it still bothered him.</p><p>Fuck, there really was no winning, not when children were involved in war. It was distasteful, in Jean’s opinion.</p><p>Jean ripped himself out of his thoughts however, and he started to listen intently as Zachary explained to Eren the nature of the trial in front of them all.</p><p>Jean tuned out again until Nile began to give his proposal. His “great plan” was to get any information he could out of Eren, <em>i.e. torture him</em>, because Jean could read the subtext there, and then immediately kill him, in fear that Eren’s presence could start a civil war.</p><p>Jean rolled his eyes, Nile really was just looking for permission to do what the Military Police was going to try to do eventually. Nile absolutely disgusted Jean, and he got more and more pissed off as he listened to the man speak, before <em>Pastor Nick</em>, of all people, interrupted and said that they should just kill Eren immediately.</p><p>Trying to protect the secret of the walls, the Titans, <em>eh</em>? Jean thought, studying Pastor Nick. Too bad <em>I’ll be the one</em> to ruin that, you secretive little wall bastards.</p><p>There was no love lost between Jean and the Order of the Walls. He had never been entirely religious before, that just being how he was raised, but he did know now that there were actually godly beings out there, given the fact that he died and they sent him back in time, so he just knew that those wall freaks were all hoaxes anyways. Thank god he and his family weren’t that stupid to believe in them the first time around.</p><p>After Nile and Pastor Nick got done with their spiels, it was Erwin’s turn. Now, Jean was fully focused, not letting his thoughts and opinions wander as he attentively listened to Erwin. He listed out and explained the plan to use Eren to go to Shiganshina from the Eastern gate, but Jean already knew that it wasn’t going to work like that. Eventually, they’d get there, but it would be awhile. Annie would make sure to interrupt that.</p><p>Then some dumbass merchants interrupted Erwin, whimpering and pleading to close all the gates in case the Colossal Titan attacked, and Jean rolled his eyes again as Captain Levi admonished them. Jean knew that those petty-ass gates were not going to stop Bertolt if he really wanted to attack again, but Jean just knew they were all worried about things that weren’t going to happen, and it was slightly grating to listen to.</p><p>Pastor Nick really had the audacity to interrupt <em>again</em>, and Jean was about fed up with these petty squabbles that had nothing actually to do with Eren. Nick was now upset because they had suggested closing the gates, and <em>blah blah blah sacred walls blah blah</em>.</p><p>Yeah, Jean was just about done with this.</p><p>“Quiet!”</p><p><em>Thank god</em> Zachary had the sense to shut those fools up.</p><p>Zachary was now directly addressing Eren, and it all seemed to be going fine until he brought up the fact that he had swung on Mikasa while in Trost.</p><p>Eren looked shocked in front of the entire courtroom, Mikasa was fuming, Armin’s eyes were wide, and Rico lowly said under her breath “Don’t lie. I didn’t in my report.”</p><p>“He doesn’t remember,” Armin stated softly.</p><p>“Cadet Ackerman, can you confirm this?” Zachary questioned her, and he was now staring at all of them.</p><p>She hesitated for a second, before clearly but simply stating, “Yes, that’s true. But he has also saved my life as a Titan multiple times, and that outweighs it.”</p><p>Eren now stared at the four of them, his eyes wide in shock at Mikasa’s words.</p><p>Nile interrupted them with a sneer on his face, “She’s just a sentimental teenage girl, her and that Jaeger boy killed three bandits years ago, of course she is going to defend him. Her testimony is compromised by her loyalty to him.”</p><p>Murmurs rose up in the courtroom with that information, Jean was also shocked that apparently Eren and Mikasa killed people as children, but more importantly he was now starting to get insanely nervous. Eren looked like he was ready to get up and start defending Mikasa, and Jean agreed with him that Nile went too far, but also Eren was an idiot and was not going to know what to say.</p><p>“She’s not wrong.” Jean’s voice was strong, unwavering, and him speaking up instantly hushed the courtroom. Zachary waved him on with his hand, indicating that he could continue. “I have no emotional attachment to Eren Jaeger, except for the fact that I’ve been his fellow cadet for three years. We were never friends, however, we got into a lot of fights, as anyone can attest to, so I’m not here to defend him as a friend. But he saved countless soldiers’ lives, by allowing us to break into Headquarters to resupply. Without him, we wouldn’t’ve been able to retreat back into Trost, without him we wouldn’t’ve been able to reclaim Trost, all within the last few days. He’s saved my life multiple times as a Titan as well, and will continue to save lives if he’s let into the Survey Corps.”</p><p>Eren seemed stunned by Jean’s defense of him.</p><p>“Oh, the so called fortune teller that Pyxis spoke of,” Nile said in a dismissive tone, “there’s no proof that we should trust you either.”</p><p>Jean didn’t flinch at all, instead choosing to look directly at Nile, letting his disapproval and disgust show on his face.</p><p>“That’s not true!” Armin cried out, rushing to Jean’s defense. “He knew beforehand that Eren could help us at Headquarters! Any of the cadets that were there can vouch on that! If it wasn’t for Jean’s knowledge of Eren more of us would’ve died trying to get in. He also knew what Eren was capable of, in reclaiming Trost.”</p><p>“Blasphemy! No person can see the future! It’s unholy!” Nick was looking straight at Jean, but it was not a look of seeing a heretic, but it was a look of fear.</p><p>Ha, Jean laughed internally, while grinning confidently on the outside, he’s scared that someone might expose him.</p><p>Turning to look at Nile, he saw a similar look wash over the coward’s face, before he got angry.</p><p>“Do you expect us to believe the word of a lowly cadet? You’re nothing more than a confused child.”</p><p>“If I’m a confused child, what does it make Eren Jaeger?” Jean shot back. “He has no idea what is going on with himself, his own body, right now, and you are hasty in your desire to kill him. I understand you think that he is too great of a risk, that war will break out, but it won’t. Let him have a chance to prove his worth, for a third time, but with the Scouts, and after he succeeds, you’ll see. If he doesn’t, then you have a real reason to execute him.”</p><p>“How many of you have actually seen Titans, fought them, killed them?” Eren cried out, shocking the whole courtroom. “Let me be the one to risk my own life for the good of humanity, I want to fight and kill the Titans until they are all dead or I’m dead. If you all are too cowardly to fight, then let me.”</p><p>Not a bad speech, Jean thought, feeling slightly impressed on Eren’s behalf.</p><p>“No matter,” Nile said coldly, “I’ll be the one to take him out right now.”</p><p>Within a second, there was a gun pointed at Eren’s head, and Jean stared in shock as Levi responded by inhumanly moving to kick Eren.</p><p>The entire courtroom went from murmurs to dead silence, as Captain Levi continued to beat the shit out of Eren. The only noise besides the muffled contact as Levi hit him, kicked him, was Eren’s pained groans, as he was unable to defend himself from the torrent of blows. A tooth went flying from his mouth, and Mikasa moved to stop him, to try something, <em>anything</em>, but Armin stopped her with a hand on her arm.</p><p>Jean knew that this was going to happen, but it was so much more brutal up close, watching it with his own eyes. Levi did not hesitate, did not show any fear towards Eren, especially as the others tried to get him to stop, afraid that Eren could somehow transform. It was rough to watch, even while knowing that Eren would heal completely after this.</p><p>“I’m the only one who can control him,” Levi seethed out, bits of blood staining his hands, his boots, “pain is the best lesson, and I can break him like an animal, kill him without hesitation if he fails us.”</p><p>Jean noticed Levi lock eyes with Erwin.</p><p>“Let us use Eren in the next scouting mission, and his usefulness will determine whether he is a friend or enemy to humanity,” Erwin commanded, turning his attention back towards Zachary.</p><p>He thought for a moment before replying, “This is acceptable. I’ll let the Scouts have him until the next mission, and then we can determine from there his importance for humanity. This is my word, and this concludes the trial.” He banged his gavel, and then everyone started to move to leave. </p><p>“He’ll be okay,” Jean lowly whispered to Armin and Mikasa, as the sounds of the other spectators drowned them out, “he’ll be healed by the next time we see him, try not to worry about him.”</p><p>Mikasa still looked pissed, but she nodded in response, while Armin nodded as well, but his nod was less angry, and more resigned to sadness.</p><p>“What are we supposed to do? Just wait?” Mikasa had turned around towards Rico, questioning her.</p><p>“Yes,” Rico replied, looking over the four cadets, “you’ll make your decision in a few days on which regiment you’ll join. If you join the Scouts, I’m sure you’ll see Eren again.”</p><p>Mikasa and Armin thanked her, and Jean bowed his head in respect while Marco did as well.</p><p>“Can I?” Jean walked up behind Marco as they were exiting the courtroom, voice twinkling in an interesting way, before he moved his hand down to hover next to Marco’s.</p><p>“Of course,” Marco smiled back, before grasping Jean’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers.</p><p>The two of them walked back to their barracks, hand-in-hand, speaking lowly to each other all the while. </p><p>“That didn’t go as bad as I thought it was going to,” Jean remarked, noting how the sun was high in the sky and the day was pleasant, a gentle wind blowing.</p><p>“Yeah? You did manage to commandeer an entire court, Jean. I really don’t know how you get yourself into these situations, and I’m afraid I don’t understand why all these people somehow listen to you.” Marco’s voice was light, teasing.</p><p>“I don’t think they actually believe I can tell the future yet,” Jean smirked, looking over towards Marco. Marco was smiling back at him, eyebrows lifted in amusement as his hand swung in Jean’s.</p><p>“They’ll believe you one day, soon enough,” Marco replied easily, “in the meantime, what’s next for us?” Marco sounded hopeful.</p><p>“We’re going to graduate,” Jean grinned back, eyes wild as he swept Marco’s form, “we’ll finally get to be Scouts together. You’re going to look so good in a Scout uniform—”</p><p>“Jean,” Marco lightly scolded him, but then he laughed, seeing Jean’s cocky and overconfident smirk. “You are incorrigible, you know.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but you’re the one stuck with me.”</p><p>Jean squeezed Marco’s hand again, and then grinned, as they walked back to the cadets’ barracks. Soon, they would make their way to the square, among friends, and Jean would finally, <em>finally</em>, get to graduate with Marco by his side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for taking so long to update! I started back with work this week, plus had my college midterms, so it's been very busy but I hope you all enjoyed this</p><p>I'll be trying my best to have updates once a week, but it could be sporadic so thanks for understanding</p><p>please leaves kudos and comments if you're enjoying it, and thank you all so much &lt;3</p><p>more interesting conversations will be happening in the story soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Graduation + Scout School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sawney and Beane are brutally murdered, Jean talks with Annie, they all become Scouts!, and finally Jean has a conversation with Reiner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean POV</p><p>also they/them pronouns for Hange</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Graduation + Scout School</ins>
</p><p>Everything was going fine now, events proceeding like they had the first time leading up to graduation, but then Annie had to go and kill Sawney and Beane.</p><p>Jean was aggravated this particular morning, because he and Marco were woken up ridiculously early (thirty minutes earlier than normal) by their superior officers, demanding an equipment check of all the cadets that very day, due to the killing of the two Titans that happened overnight.</p><p>Jean vaguely wondered what Section Commander Hange’s reaction to the killings was, body and mind still half-asleep.</p><p>He had not gotten his required hours of beauty sleep, and so Jean was grumpy as they hauled their asses to go get investigated, dragging his feet to get ready that morning. Marco didn't seem as bothered as Jean, as he cheerfully chatted with his friends, purposely ignoring Jean’s sulking.</p><p>Why Annie, Jean drearily thought, why did you feel the need to kill two random Titans?</p><p>Maybe it was because he was tired, but even when he was completely awake and had thought about it before Jean had no idea why she had done it.</p><p>Did Reiner make her do it? Did she do it because she thought they were devils? Was it so that Paradis couldn’t research Titans further? Some very, very small part of Jean wondered whether she did it to put those people out of their misery. Perhaps it was a combination of any of those, a small voice in the back of his head muttered.</p><p>However, Jean was just mostly annoyed, as the cadets were lined up one by one as they went through the gear inspection. Marco was busy chatting pleasantly with Armin now, the two of them used to doing equipment maintenance together, and so Jean was focused on Annie instead.</p><p>She had the same deadened expression on her face like normal, presenting her gear coolly, as if it hadn’t just been used to kill the research Titans.</p><p>Maybe she had found extra gear off of a dead body, Jean mused, knowing that would be completely plausible, especially considering that his current gear had also been looted off of a corpse. God knows there were plenty of dead corpses to go around in Trost. However, Jean had looted that soldier out of necessity, so that he wouldn’t die, and that wasn’t that case for Annie, and that bothered Jean deep down. It seemed beyond disrespectful to the soldier who had died, stealing their equipment to undo everything they had died for.</p><p>Eyes taking in the rest of the room however, Jean quickly swept through the rest of his comrades. Reiner was looking bored but confident, while Bertolt seemed to look more strong willed than normal, his usual worried expression absent. Connie seemed conflicted, as he kept scratching at his head, while Sasha next to him was probably just thinking about her next meal. Mikasa was as stoic as ever, and Armin seemed to be in a fine mood as he talked with Marco. Ymir and Historia were busy staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as they chatted, as was usual.</p><p>Bored as hell, Jean subsequently tuned out the rest of the equipment check, not having the mental capacity or energy to deal with it, ignoring the conversation that was started about why the Titans were killed. There was no reason to speculate why they had done it, and he thought that even knowing exactly who had done it. He refocused when he heard the conversation turn to the regiments.</p><p>“Annie? What do you think I should do?” Connie seemed very confused.</p><p>“The decision is up to you,” she replied coolly, expression still bored, “but I’m still joining the Military Police.”</p><p>“What do you think, Armin?”</p><p>The smaller boy shrugged, “I’m joining the Scouts. With Eren, maybe we can finally make progress on saving humankind. Although, it is a blow that Sawney and Beane were killed like that, by one of our own.”</p><p>“That’s brave of you, Armin, going into the Scouts.” Annie was staring straight at Armin, unflinchingly.</p><p>Armin smiled before replying, face blushing slightly. “That’s nice of you to say, Annie.”</p><p>At this point, the equipment check was over, and the soldiers were finally allowed to leave. Tonight, they were going to make their final decisions, and they would choose their regiment. But before that? Jean had to do something.</p><p>“Annie?” he called out to her as they filed out of the room. She turned back to face him, eyes slightly widened in shock. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”</p><p>Jean pointedly chose to ignore the stares he was getting, particularly from Bertolt and Reiner. Marco was going on ahead with Sasha and Connie, the three of them now laughing at some new joke, and Jean did manage to catch the corner of Marco’s eyes, before nodding him on.</p><p>Annie just nodded in reply, eyes clearly scanning Jean, observing him closely.</p><p>“I wanted to thank you,” Jean said quietly, once everyone else had left the area, observing her facial expressions intensely.</p><p>Annie stared back in shock, before composing herself. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Jean didn't understand how she could say everything in that cool, emotionless voice of hers, her face always schooled into a neutral, expressionless appearance. It was mildly infuriating. </p><p>“I—” Jean hesitated for a moment, “you were supposed to save me in Trost.” He remembered back to before, how she had saved him when his gear broke in Trost that first time, not even to mention what she had done to save Connie. “I saw it. It didn’t happen, because I went with Eren instead, but you were supposed to save me in Trost. And I feel like I should thank you for it. I don’t think you’re a bad person, Annie.”</p><p>Her eyes were wide in shock, and slightly panicked, Jean thought, but yet her voice was still reserved. “You don’t have to thank me for something I didn’t do. Besides, you don’t know me, and I’m not a good person.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be a good person,” Jean stated simply back, thinking back to something that Armin had told him, long ago, “but it’s enough to me that you saved me. It’s enough that you saved Connie, and if you won’t let me thank you for saving me, then I’ll thank you for saving Connie.”</p><p>“You saw that as well?” Her voice sounded introspective.</p><p>“I did,” he nodded affirmatively, “so thank you. And you know, you don’t have to be a good person to everyone. It’s enough that you’re a good person to some. Take care, Annie, in the Military Police. Try to make some new friends.”</p><p>Jean took his leave then, looking back at her. She was staring at him with a peculiar expression, and it was one that Jean had never seen on her face before.</p><p>Please, Annie, Jean prayed, live for yourself for once. Not for Reiner, not for Marley, not for your father. Make your own choices. </p><p>Jean also felt strangely reminiscent, as he walked back to join Marco, Connie, and Sasha, thinking about how Annie was going to join the Military Police, alongside Hitch and Marlo.</p><p>It had felt so strange, the first time he had met those two, when Hitch immediately started blaming the Scouts for Annie’s death, completely unaware that Annie was the Female Titan herself. And Marlo, that absolute naïve dumbass, had reminded him of a combination of Eren and Marco. He had the self-righteousness, the determination, the singular drive and desire to do what he thought was right, like Eren had, but also had the naïveté and the honest belief in the good of humanity like Marco, thinking that he could help end the corruption of the Military Police by himself, that it was noble and distinguished job, and that other people were also there to do the right thing. All of this had caused Jean to immediately take a liking to Marlo, and he had wanted to protect the other man when he had joined the Scouts, when he had tried to do the right thing, yet again.</p><p>Jean had failed.</p><p>He still remembers the horrifying account from Floch of what Zeke had done to the Scouts. Jean had wanted the new recruits assigned to the rear, so that they wouldn’t immediately die in the frontlines, knowing all too well the morality of the Scouting missions. He had thought that he was protecting them, but in the end he had damned them; Zeke decimating their forces without hesitation. Every single one of those new recruits had died, except for Floch, and Jean had personally damned them all by recommending they be placed there.</p><p>Their blood was on him.</p><p>And Hitch? Hitch had surprised him. She had seemed to really care for her comrades, had cared for Annie, and it was difficult, when they returned back inside the walls, having to tell her that Marlo died, especially since Jean knew that Marlo did not die regretting being in the Scouts, not when he had fought his entire life to do the right thing, no matter what Floch said to Hitch. Jean knew that it was hard for Hitch, in the years afterwards, alone and having to see Annie in that damned crystal, watching over her stunted form.</p><p>Jean hoped that Annie, and her friends, even if she wouldn’t admit that they were her friends, would be okay in the Military Police.</p><p>He would do better this time.</p><p>He would try to save them all.</p><p>-----------------------</p><p>Later that evening, Jean and Marco were standing alongside their comrades as they were finally getting to choose their regiment.</p><p>Jean was just ecstatic, to be able to hold Marco’s hand as they walked there, excited to be able to finally join the Scouts with him. It made the fifteen year old inside of Jean burst with pride, the part of him that just wanted to see Marco stand beside him as they pledged their allegiance to a regiment. Sure, he had wanted that to be the Military Police before, but now joining the Scouts <em>together </em> filled the same void in his heart. </p><p>So now they stood next to each other, in front of the rest of their friends, and Jean kept sneaking looks over to Marco, grinning wildly, not paying much attention to Erwin’s speech in front of them. The last time he had been here, it was a fraught occasion. He had also not really been listening to Erwin that time, too busy doubting himself, too busy mourning Marco, still crying over him. He had chosen the Scouts in honor of Marco, in honor of his sacrifice in Trost, so no, he hadn’t been listening to Erwin’s speech about how they were all going to die. </p><p>If Jean was going to be honest with himself, some part of him felt like it was his punishment to join the Scouts. He did it not only to honor Marco, but because Marco wouldn’t have the choice to live safely within the Military Police. If Marco wasn’t going to get that opportunity, then Jean felt like he didn’t deserve it; it was cowardly, running away from the same Titans who had killed Marco. He hadn’t cared anymore, if the Titans killed him in the long run, because he had realized that none of them were safe anymore. He might as well make Marco proud, in the meantime, and go out fighting the monsters that had killed his closest friend. He was well aware of his chances of dying, when he had joined the Scouts the first time, and he hadn’t really cared anymore. </p><p>But now? Now Jean felt elated, his mood unable to be tainted by the somber attitude of his comrades, because Marco was here, and he was going to get to be a Scout, and they were going to get to be Scouts  <em>together </em>, and that was all Jean had wanted.</p><p>Everyone else was here as well. Connie and Sasha stood next to each other, showing some doubts, but still seemed strong enough, at least externally. Bertolt and Reiner seemed to hold no apprehensions, confidently standing there, probably just pleased that they had found Eren. Ymir and Historia were also standing next to each other, and Armin and Mikasa were in the very front, watching Erwin, intently, probably eagerly awaiting seeing Eren again.</p><p>The ten of them stood there strong, as Erwin continued and more and more people left, afraid of dying within the Scouts. Some of their friends faltered, some of them cried, some of them looked upon each other like they had all become ghosts already, but Jean, Marco, and their friends didn’t back down, no matter the individuals worries they all held.</p><p>Things were going to be different, this time, Jean thought as he looked around at his new, fellow Scouts, all of them dedicating their hearts to their new cause.</p><p>Things were going to be different.</p><p>-----------------------</p><p>While joining the Scouts was a radically different emotional journey for Jean, the rest of it was not. A short time later, they all arrived at the Scout Regiment Headquarters. They all got their newly issued uniforms, no longer cadets, now just <em>Scouts</em>.</p><p>Armin and Mikasa had their long awaited reunion with Eren, the rest of the Levi Squad (aka Eren’s babysitters) watching the 104th Training Corps kids with curious expressions. </p><p>Eren asked if Annie was the only one who had chosen to go a different regiment, and Mikasa responded accordingly.</p><p>Jean just gave Eren a short rod in greeting, choosing to move on past Eren to get a better look at the Levi Squad. These were their predecessors, he realized with a jolt, and he knew almost nothing about them, except for their names and how they were brutally murdered by Annie.</p><p>Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Petra. All unceremoniously murdered by the Female Titan in that cursed forest, and they were supposed to be the best in the entire regiment.</p><p>It really showed how Annie had held back, when she was fighting him, and Armin, and Reiner. A shudder went through Jean at the thought.</p><p>Again, he would have to change things, this time.</p><p>-------------------------</p><p>Things went basically the same as last time, since Jean and Marco joined the Scouts. He would spend his days by the sides of his friends, by the side of Marco, and he also spent time getting to know Hange better, as he went into their laboratory often, as the insane Section Commander had been extremely excited by the prospect of another test subject and had requested him to come for various tests and experiments. Hange was a naturally curious person, and they seemed fascinated by the idea that someone could really have visions of the future. Therefore, they collected Jean’s blood, yanked out some hair, and made Jean come around every few days to update him on their new theories about his ability to see the future. </p><p>Jean would quickly toss most of them out, seeing as they were absolutely deranged, especially the theory that Jean was actually a Titan (ugh, as if). However, Jean found it amusing, plus it lightened some part of him, seeing his former commander happy and carefree again, and so he indulged them with their theories.</p><p>During his days, they would have to memorize Erwin’s special formation again while in, what Jean liked to refer to it as, Scout School, and so more often than not Jean wasn’t paying attention, instead choosing to focus on Marco.</p><p>Marco, who was very studious, took his entry into the Scouts with stride, trying his best to learn the formations, the names of all the veteran Scouts, putting forth his best effort in training.</p><p>It was admirable, and it made Jean want to sigh, hearts in his eyes, just watching him all day, trying so hard.</p><p>The day of the 57th Expedition was rapidly encroaching, but Jean didn’t pay too much mind to it.</p><p>He had gone over with Marco what he had planned to do. He knew that Annie would attack from the right, and he assumed that they would be put into nearly the same formation as last time (Jean didn’t know where they would place Marco, though, but Jean would kill someone before he let Marco be in the right half of the formation). Jean knew eventually he’d get driven together with Armin and Reiner, and that would be his opportunity to try to convince Annie to stop what she was doing, and to work with him instead.</p><p>If she didn’t, Jean thought with a heavy heart, then they would stop her in the forest. He was planning on telling Levi beforehand, warning him that with his speed he was the only one who could stop Annie; but if it came down to it, Jean would stop her himself. Annie was not going to escape the forest if Jean could help it, he was not going to let her go free to rampage upon Stohess, killing innocent people.</p><p>It was one thing for her to kill Scouts, with them being natural enemies, another for her to kill civilians.</p><p>Jean had reflected on the subject heavily, and was currently sketching out a few new images, mainly of the forest and expedition. Hange had been very excited when they heard that Jean had been drawing out his visions, and they had insisted that Jean continued, so he was supplied with the materials and allowed some free time off to complete his drawings, courtesy of that amazing Section Commander. Hange, in one of their theories, had come up with the idea that Jean had only been seeing the future of him and his friends, and it wasn’t inaccurate so Jean let them run with the idea. Therefore, it was up to Hange’s discretion whether his drawings and visions were important enough to talk to Erwin about.</p><p>Up to now, they hadn’t been, but Jean was planning on changing that, now sketching out more detailed drawings of the expedition. He drew the outside of the forest, this time much more detailed than his earlier drawing, back when he was still a cadet.</p><p>He hadn’t drawn the Female Titan, as much as he was tempted to, because he couldn’t play that card yet. They couldn’t know, not yet at least, that he knew who the Female Titan was. But he was planning on telling them that he knew they were going to be attacked, but only right before they left. Jean knew that Erwin expected something to go down anyway, with his entire plan to capture an intelligent Titan, so it probably wouldn’t delay the mission at all if Jean let slip to Levi at the last moment, warning him that the Female Titan was coming.</p><p>He had also been hinting to Hange that he had started getting visions during the day, not just in his dreams, because it needed to be believable when he realized that the Female Titan was Annie during the expedition, because he was not going to let the people come to that conclusion too late.</p><p>Finishing up the forest drawing, he continued on to the next image stuck in his head, of when Krista came to rescue the three of them with the horses.</p><p>He was nearly finished with that one when the bang of the door opening alerted him, Jean jolting his head up to see who it was.</p><p>It was Reiner.</p><p>They looked each other dead in the eyes for a few seconds, before Jean broke the contact, shrugging, turning back down to finish the shading on his new sketch. If Reiner wasn’t going to talk and just continue to think that Jean was suspicious, then it wasn’t Jean’s responsibility to clear it up.</p><p>That is, until he felt Reiner’s presence get closer and closer, and then it started to feel threatening.</p><p>Jean glanced up, glaring, at Reiner, who was only a meter away at this point.</p><p>“What are you drawing?” Reiner’s voice sounded like he was digging for information, but it was inconsequential for Jean.</p><p>“The upcoming expedition.” Jean kept his talking short on purpose. He stared at Reiner now, trying to get a read on his body language. He didn’t seem relaxed, but then again Jean wasn’t very relaxed himself. The tension between the two was palpable, and it made Jean want to start sweating a bit, or to dig out the small pocket knife he kept on him at all times, wanting to make sure he could defend himself if Reiner tried something. </p><p>“Can you see other futures than your own?”</p><p><em>God</em>, Reiner was not subtle at all. Jean visibly rolled his eyes in response.</p><p>“No, it seems like right now it’s just my own. Did you want to talk to me about something, Reiner?” Jean looked up at that, staring him straight in the eyes.</p><p>He shifted on his feet for a moment, before replying. “Actually, I wanted to know why you attacked me, months ago, when we were cadets.”</p><p>Shit, Jean thought. That was so far in the past he had nearly forgotten about it, the incident taking place months ago. He didn't regret it by any means, but it was definitely something that was not easy to explain away, especially since Reiner now knew he could tell the future.</p><p>Jean looked back down at his drawing for a second, trying to formulate a response, before eventually settling on something akin to the truth.</p><p>“You made Marco cry.”</p><p>Reiner seemed surprised at that, letting out a questioning “Huh?”</p><p>Jean let out a sigh in response. “I had a dream where you made Marco cry. I…overreacted. After that, I made sure you were never alone with him so that you could never make him cry, I guess preventing that future from coming true. I expect you would also feel murderous if I ever hurt Bertolt, or made him cry, so please forgive me for that momentary weakness on my part.”</p><p>It’s not like Jean wanted to be forgiven, but he might as well say it and get Reiner off his case. Again, he didn't regret it, but it wasn't the smartest thing he’s ever done.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Reiner demanded.</p><p>Jean just looked up at Reiner, specifically the dumbstruck and indignant look on his face, and just burst out laughing.</p><p>“Fuck,” Jean laughed, “you’re trying to tell me it’s not obvious?”</p><p>“What’s obvious?” Yeah, Reiner seemed confused, but also concerned at the same time, eyes wide and wild.</p><p>“Well, I’m not Armin, but I’m not stupid,” Jean shook his head, grinning wickedly, “you’re seriously telling me that you don’t realize how you look at him? How he looks at you?”</p><p>Reiner stood there, mouth agape, waiting a few seconds before replying. In the meantime, Jean kept laughing, watching the emotions filtering through his face.</p><p>“How?” Reiner questioned, voice raw, “how did you realize?”</p><p>Jean stopped laughing at that, eyes scanning Reiner, body taking in the tension in the room. It had distinctly changed, and Jean didn’t know this for sure, but he would bet that Reiner was a Scout right now, and not a Warrior.</p><p>Jean hummed, and then leaned back in his chair, the front two legs of the chair slipping up off the ground, Jean precariously balancing his body on the back two legs of the chair. “It’s quite simple, Reiner. You look at Bertolt the same way that Marco used to look at me.”</p><p>Reiner kept staring at Jean, a curious expression on his face, and Jean took that as he cue to continue.</p><p>“And when it comes to Bertolt, he looks at you the way I used to look at Marco. Like he hasn’t quite realized his own feelings yet.” Jean sorrowfully thought back to his first lifetime, and how he used to look at Marco like he was his sun, but not realizing how much light Marco brought to his life until his sun had been extinguished.</p><p>Reiner just shook his head in response. “You’re wrong, Bertolt likes Annie.” Reiner seemed…dejected, Jean supposed.</p><p>“And so what?” Reiner looked at Jean aghast, before Jean rolled his eyes and continued. “I used to have a crush on Mikasa. It didn’t stop me from falling in love with Marco,” Jean sighed, leaning forward so that the chair could rest upon the ground again, “look, Reiner, why are you here, in the Scouts?”</p><p>Jean didn’t give him a chance to speak, not trusting anything that would come out of his mouth, “It’s so that you can go home, right? Go back to that village south of Wall Rose?” Jean thought back to the fake story Reiner and Bertolt had told of their origins.</p><p>Reiner smartly nodded in reply.</p><p>“Well there’s your answer, Reiner. It’s going to be you, at the end of the day, that Bertolt chooses to stick by, even if he never consciously realizes it. Look, he could’ve gone with Annie into the Military Police, but he didn’t; no, he chose to go with you into the Scouts. I think that speaks for itself. I think,” Jean paused for a second, “that Bertolt is always going to choose you. It’s up to the both of you to finally realize your feelings and do something about it.”</p><p>Jean leaned back in the chair again, a smug smile on his face, proud with himself how this was going so far.</p><p>“That….makes a surprising amount of sense, huh.” Reiner pondered, seeming like the gears were finally turning in his head. “I guess I never thought of it like that.”</p><p>Jean started to roll his drawings up, planning on taking them to Hange. “Reiner, any one of us could’ve died in Trost. Any one of us could die on this upcoming mission. Our time here is short—” Jean fleetingly thought back to Marco, “—so if you truly love someone, you should say something to them. You’ll never know when you won’t get a chance. Take care, Reiner, and know that my main goal is to use what I see of the future to save all of us. <em>All of us</em>,” <em>including saving you from your very own mistakes</em>, Jean finished inside of his head, eyes boring into Reiner’s, hoping that his expression came across as sober and serious as he meant his words to be.</p><p>Jean slipped out of his seat at that, walking straight past the shocked-looking Reiner. He shut the door quietly behind him, leaving Reiner there, and he let out the breath he didn’t know he had been keeping in.</p><p>How? Jean's thoughts made him feel dizzy inside of his head, as he walked towards Hange’s office. How can he save someone from themself?</p><p><em>More importantly</em>, the reasonable yet infuriating part of him thought, <em>how much longer can you blame them for something they didn’t do</em>?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone!</p><p>I really appreciate all the comments and kudos and I hope everyone has a good weekend!</p><p>I just started watching jujutsu kaisen so that's fun, I highly recommend</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Jean Has a Psych Moment (or Two)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean warns the Commander and Levi, they leave on the scouting mission, they come across the Female Titan, and Jean tries his best to get Annie to stop.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mainly Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>The 57th Exterior Scouting Mission (aka Jean Has a Psych Moment (or Two))</ins>
</p>
<p>The 57th Exterior Scouting Mission was set to leave the next day.</p>
<p>And Jean Kirstein had everything in plan.</p>
<p>He had been assigned to the same position as before, and Marco had been assigned to the left flank, near Sasha, so Jean was content that Annie couldn’t hurt them over there.</p>
<p>The right flank was a different story, but there wasn’t anything Jean could do about that.</p>
<p>But anyways, he had his plan, and now it was time to put it in motion. </p>
<p>Jena had faked a breakthrough earlier, using all of his acting abilities within him to feign having a vision, which just so happened to be of the Female Titan.</p>
<p>He had rushed away from the other cadets, quickly sketching out a rough picture of Annie’s Titan form, before rushing to Hange’s office.</p>
<p>“Section Commander!” Jean burst in, breathless, yelling to get their attention.</p>
<p>Hange was in the middle of a new experiment, flasks clanking in front of them, Moblit watching them with wary eyes, before both of them looked up at Jean’s sudden arrival.</p>
<p>“Oooooooo” they cooed, immediately dropping what they were holding, Moblit rushing in to make sure nothing explosive fell. “Do you have a new drawing for us?” They sounded curious.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jean replied, “and I think Commander Smith is going to want to see it.” He held up the drawing for them, Hange’s eyes twinkling in excitement as they took in the view of the Female Titan, Moblit more looking at it in apprehension.</p>
<p>“Oh, Recruit Kirstein,” Hange paused for dramatic effect, “I think you’re right about that. C’mon, let’s go.”</p>
<p>With that, they clasped Jean’s arm, towing him behind them as they rushed towards the Commander’s office. Moblit hurried behind the two of them, closely following his Section Commander.</p>
<p>A few breathless moments later, they had made it outside the Commander’s office, and Hange was unceremoniously barging in, not waiting to knock.</p>
<p>Commander Smith and Captain Levi were the only ones in there, thankfully, Jean remarked, but still, the silence was deafening, as the two men immediately stopped discussing whatever they were discussing.</p>
<p>Jean noticed the map of their formation on the table in front of them, plus several other piles of papers strewn throughout the room.</p>
<p>There were even one or two of his drawings, Jean realized, his heart feeling a little funny at that, somehow a little proud, because that meant that Hange had shared them with the Commander.</p>
<p>Hange, never one to care too much about social cues, immediately started blabbing, explaining to Erwin that he just <em>had</em> to see Jean’s new drawing.</p>
<p>At Hange’s behest, he wordlessly handed it over the sketch of the Female Titan.</p>
<p>Erwin and Levi then discussed it in low murmurs, Jean unable to hear them, while Hange was too busy jumping off the walls in excitement, interrupting them every few seconds with questions asked so fast that they were incomprehensible. Jean just awkwardly stood in front of his superiors, off to the side.</p>
<p>Eventually, they managed to come to a conclusion, and now the three of them were turned towards Jean, and Jean felt like he should panic, standing in front of the three of them, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to panic, not after having known them all for years.</p>
<p>“Recruit Kirstein,” Erwin spoke with a calm voice, “can you explain to us what you saw in your vision?”</p>
<p>Jean paused for a second before answering. “Sir, there was an intelligent Titan. It seemed to be female. I was stranded with Recruits Arlert and Braun, and she came across us. We could tell that it was intelligent because it seemed to be looking at our faces, recognizing us. There was no sign of the Colossal or Armored Titan, however; just her.”</p>
<p>“There’s a third one!” Hange squealed excitedly. “I wonder if we can use the trap—”</p>
<p>Levi silenced them with a pointed glare.</p>
<p>“That should be all, Recruit Kirstein, you’re free to go.” Erwin motioned Jean over to the door, but Jean paused before he went through.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen the traps,” the silence through the room was deafening, “and I know you’re going to set it in that forest that I’ve seen dozens of times. I know that the appearance of this Titan is not going to change your plans. It has a real possibility of working, however, I must warn you of this: Captain Levi and Mikasa Ackerman are the only ones who can take her down. If you get the chance,” Jean turned at this, his eyes deadened to match the foreboding tone of his voice, searching out Levi’s unemotional eyes, “you have to take it. Otherwise hundreds more will die.”</p>
<p>Jean opened the door at this, murmuring out a small thanks to his Commander, Section Commander, and Captain in his typical voice, now avoiding their eyes and faces, not wanting to see their reactions. He nearly silently left the room at this, slipping out almost unnoticeably, and it would have been unremarkable if he hadn’t have just let out a foreboding prophecy.</p>
<p>And as Jean let out a shaky breath, walking back to his friends, because everything, <em>everything</em>, rode on tomorrow.</p>
<p>If he could stop her?</p>
<p>Then nothing in the future was unstoppable.</p>
<p>If he couldn’t stop Annie, however?</p>
<p>The implications of that, were far, <em>far</em>, darker.</p>
<p>-------------------</p>
<p>It was frantic the next morning, as the Scouts prepared to leave for the 57th Exterior Scouting Mission.</p>
<p>Jean had found Marco that morning, wishing him luck and safety, telling him that they’d see each other safely when they got to the forest, before he left with Sasha to get to their side of formation.</p>
<p>Now Jean was left alone, and he felt like scowling, because he was <em>tired</em> of this.</p>
<p>He wasn’t in the mood to fight mindless Titans today, wasn’t in the mood to pretend like he didn’t know where Eren was in the formation, wasn’t in the mood to somehow convince Annie to just fucking stop for once.</p>
<p>He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Reiner’s sickening treachery.</p>
<p>Like why, he groaned inside of his head, why did Reiner have to be near them in the formation? Why couldn’t it be Bertolt instead? Then at least he wouldn’t have to hear Reiner make offhand comments on Annie’s Titan ass.</p>
<p>What was it about him and Titan’s asses?</p>
<p>This is what Jean was busy complaining about inside of his head while they were waiting for the gates to open up.</p>
<p>Soon enough, they did, and they were off.</p>
<p>The horses were galloping quickly, all of them staying in a tight formation at first, moving through the dilapidated ruins off the town just outside the Eastern gate.</p>
<p>It was depressing, Jean mused dejected, looking at the devastation that Reiner and Bertolt had brought.</p>
<p>The Support Team was busy doing their job, maneuvering swiftly to take out any Titans hiding in the vicinity.</p>
<p>Soon enough they managed to leave the ruined city behind, and now the long range formation was starting to take shape. There were the three of them galloping together, Reiner, Armin, and himself.</p>
<p>Reiner quickly separated from them, moving to the right, only addressing Armin as he took his leave, Jean noted. He was moderately insulted that Reiner had nothing to say to him.</p>
<p>Then it was Jean’s turn to leave Armin behind.</p>
<p>“Take care Armin! You’ve got this, and don’t you dare think otherwise. Good luck!”</p>
<p>“You too Jean!” the smaller boy yelled back, a determined look on his face.</p>
<p>And now? Now Jean was left alone with nothing but his thoughts to accompany him as he rode, his horse pushing ever faster. </p>
<p>It wasn’t very long in until Jean noticed a red signal flare popping up from the right, quickly firing off his own in response.</p>
<p>He hoped Marco was doing okay, and he knew that the veteran Scouts were doing their best to protect the new recruits, but yet Jean still instinctively worried about Marco.</p>
<p>Jean wondered if the right half had seen Annie yet.</p>
<p>He spent the time mindlessly shooting off his signal flare, as each red or black one came through, hyperfocused on when the next Abnormal Titan would be Annie.</p>
<p>She had to be here by now, Jean reasoned, but that meant that she was busy decimating the right half of the formation, and Jean didn’t want to spend time thinking about that because then he would have to feel guilty, about all those deaths she caused.</p>
<p>Jean noticed another black flare going up, this time coming from around Armin’s position.</p>
<p>This has to be it, he thought, shooting his flare up in response. </p>
<p><em>I hope Armin’s okay</em>.</p>
<p>Only a few minutes later he saw Annie’s Titan, more like <em>heard</em> the sound of her giant footsteps, and Jean came up riding behind Armin and Reiner, shooting up a yellow round, as others went off in the area, well aware of the fact that the entire right recon flank had been wiped.</p>
<p>“She came from the right flank!” Jean shouted, pushing his horse forward more, trying to catch up with the two of them. </p>
<p>“Is the mission compromised?” Reiner asked.</p>
<p>“The right flank recon has been wiped out,” Jean replied gravely, Armin looking back at him in shock and worry, “but Erwin isn’t going to let this stop the mission. Fuck, I warned him about this.” </p>
<p><em>Not enough</em>, a small voice in the back of his mind said, <em>you could’ve done more</em>.</p>
<p>Jean just shook his head in response, trying to clear out his thoughts. Their horses were running fast, too fast, trying to keep up with the rest of the regiment, but Jean could tell they were getting tired, and spooked.</p>
<p>“A shit ton of fast Titans have been called here. The veterans are holding them off, but recon is impossible at this point. We need to be careful, or else the entire fucking regiment could be destroyed.” Jean thought back to Shiganshina with horror.</p>
<p>“That Titan came from the right,” Armin’s eyes narrowed in concentration, “did it lead the Titans here?”</p>
<p>“It’s a person,” Jean and Armin both let out at the same time, Jean in reply to Armin and Armin confirming his realization out loud.</p>
<p>“Why do you think that?” Reiner piped up, looking at the two of them with what Jean suspected was suspicion.</p>
<p>“Titans only kill through eating, but it purposely kills people, instead of eating them. That, and the fact that it crushed Sys when he aimed for its nape, like it was aware that that’s its weak spot. The nature is different from other Titans. It must’ve been what called for the Titans when the Colossal and Armored Titans destroyed the walls. This time however…it felt like it was looking for someone. Could it be…”</p>
<p>“It’s Eren,” Jean confirmed, Armin snapping his eyes back onto Jean.</p>
<p>“Squad Levi was in the right flank, so that’s where Eren must’ve been,” Reiner replied, matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>“I was told that he was in the back of the left flank,” Jean narrowed his eyes, trying to read Reiner’s expression as he spoke.</p>
<p>“My plans said they were in the front of the right,” Armin contemplated for a moment, “but that doesn’t make sense. Strategically, they’d never be on the front lines.”</p>
<p>“So where are they?” Reiner sounded concerned for once. Yeah, Jean scoffed internally, concerned on how he was going to manage to steal Eren if he didn't know where he was.</p>
<p>“Most likely in the safest place in the formation. Which would be in the back of the center.”</p>
<p>“There’s no time to wait. Even with my warning, the rest of the Scouts won’t understand how much of a threat this is. We need to slow her down so that she doesn’t wipe out the frontlines, the veterans. If the formation falls apart we’ll all be dead.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean by that?”</p>
<p><em>God</em>, why did Reiner have to ask so many goddamn <em>insufferable</em> questions.</p>
<p>“We can distract her out here, and delay her.”</p>
<p>“Why do you keep referring to the Titan with she/her pronouns, Jean? You never call any of the other Titans by any specific pronouns.” Armin asked softly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Jean shrugged, trying to figure out how he was going to pull this off, “it’s just a feeling—” Jean gasped out loud at that, moving one of his hands to clutch up at his forehead dramatically. He let his eyes go out of focus, ignoring Armin’s concerned questions whether he was okay, or if he was having a vision.</p>
<p>About a minute later, Jean shuddered, fully allowing himself to refocus on the situation at hand.</p>
<p>“I know who she is,” Jean’s voice was raw with emotion, emotion that he didn’t even plan on conveying, “it’s Annie.”</p>
<p>Reiner looked over at him in concern, Armin in shock.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Jean let out quietly, “we have to find a way to slow her down. I—I need to convince her that she doesn’t have to do this.”</p>
<p>“Jean, what do you mean?” Armin asked, fear in his voice.</p>
<p>“Who would want to do this?” Jean laughed at that, mirthlessly, recalling the words from Bertolt that he had once heard. “She’s only sixteen. She’s not doing this out of her own free will.”</p>
<p>“Are you the same Jean that once only thought of himself?” Reiner wondered, out loud, staring critically at Jean.</p>
<p>“No,” Jean replied soundly, “I am not that Jean any longer. I haven’t been in a long, <em>long</em> time. I know what I have to do, now. We chose to join the Scouts, and we chose to protect <ins>all</ins> of humanity, including Annie. So let’s do that.”</p>
<p>Armin stared at him for a second longer, before his eyes hardened in a look that Jean <em>knew</em> meant that he had thought of a plan.</p>
<p>“Put your hoods on,”  Armin’s voice was uncannily persuasive as he pulled his hood up, “so that she can’t see our faces. She won’t kill us until she knows who we are.”</p>
<p>“She won’t kill us at all,” and this Jean knew inherently.</p>
<p>Armin tilted his head back, slightly puzzled. “She didn’t hesitate to kill the right flank.”</p>
<p>“True,” Jean chuckled darkly, “but then again, they weren’t her friends. She didn’t kill you, Armin, even though she had the chance. And she’s not going to kill us. Just stay away from her nape, and she won’t have any reason to, because we aren’t going to be able to kill her, even if we tried. We just need to delay her. The hoods can’t hurt, though. I knew you had it in you, Armin.” Jean gave Armin a wink at that, still so impressed that the smaller boy could think that fast, towing together all of his observations into a workable plan, in such a short time. It was very impressive.</p>
<p>“Let’s hope,” Reiner’s voice was surprisingly upbeat as he put his hood up, and Jean was annoyed, because he couldn’t even tell at this point when Reiner was himself or not. Was this the Warrior Reiner, toying with him? Or was this the Scout Reiner, the one who would give his heart for his friends?</p>
<p>Jean would bet his money on the former, but still it wasn’t obvious at all.</p>
<p>
  <em>If it was, then Armin would’ve been able to figure it out.</em>
</p>
<p>Jean silently put his hood up as well, eyes focusing back onto Annie. They pushed their horses faster, the three of them splitting up when they got closer to Annie.</p>
<p>She was beginning to move slower, Jean noted, and he wondered if she was getting tired, somewhere within that Titan flesh.</p>
<p>It would be understandable.</p>
<p>How could we slow her down, Jean thought, as he moved closer and closer to her. Cutting the back of her foot could do it, but Jean really didn’t want to risk her getting angry and swatting at them. He could do it, knowing that he had the best chances out of the three of them, by far the best at using ODM in an open landscape, but Jean wished he could just talk to Annie, and maybe, just maybe she would stop this chaos.</p>
<p>One could hope.</p>
<p>Jean brought his hand up, lips pressing against his blade out of habit, a ritual he had always done for luck.</p>
<p><em>I’m going to need it</em>, he scoffed internally, before refocusing on Annie.</p>
<p>He was close enough now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, it’s now or never.</em>
</p>
<p>Jean flew off his horse without hesitation, gear implanting within Annie’s Titan flesh, Jean using that as a counterbalance as he swung in mid-air, before Annie turned, using his balance against him, and Jean had to back off so that she wouldn’t crush him, instead moving back away from her.</p>
<p>She looked at Jean for a second, and Jean <em>swore</em> that she could see right through him, but she kept on moving past him, not sparing him a second glance. She caught Armin out of the corner of her eye, and she swung again, this time taking Armin’s horse out from underneath him, Armin tumbling to this ground.</p>
<p>Fuck, all Jean wanted to do was scream, see if Armin’s okay, but he didn’t know what Annie would do, and did she know it was <em>them, it was her friends</em>—</p>
<p>Jean quickly got back up, Reiner was not being helpful <em>at all, what a shocker</em>, and Jean decided it was finally time to say something, as he moved to once again attach his gear into her flesh, trying to see if he could use her as leverage—</p>
<p>“Annie!” he screamed, the loudest he could, as he saw her bend down towards Armin. “Don’t you dare fucking touch him!”</p>
<p>Annie froze at that, in the same way that Jean distinctively remembered her freezing the first time, but this time at the words that he was saying instead of Armin’s.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Annie, I know who you are, and I’m not going to fight you!” he yelled, just loud enough so that the sound could travel over the wind, as he completed his swing, roughly landing next to Armin.</p>
<p>He’s really got to get better at landing.</p>
<p>She just stared at the two boys in reply, not moving, and Jean would have given anything just to be able to actually talk to her in that moment. </p>
<p>“Armin, are you okay?” Jean rushed over towards the boy, taking in the blood on his forehead, talking lowly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jean I’m fine, but I think Annie’s after Eren—”</p>
<p>“I know she is,” Jean replied, speaking quickly, “she won’t be leaving here today with him though, don’t worry. We can use what we know against her.”</p>
<p>“Annie!” Armin called out shrilly, “how dare you kill Eren on the right flank!”</p>
<p>At Annie’s distraction, watching the two on the ground closely, listening to their words, Reiner took his opportunity.</p>
<p>“What is he doing? He’s going to get himself killed!” Armin watched him in horror.</p>
<p>“He’s going to be fine,” Jean gruffed back, more concerned over the smaller boy because he knew <em>exactly</em> what Reiner was doing, “I’m more concerned about you, Armin. You’re bleeding.”</p>
<p>Jean looked up, disinterested, as Reiner got squashed in Annie’s hand again, like an insect, Armin shouting in shock.</p>
<p>Jean’s face was pulled into a scowl as Reiner came out of her fist in a dramatic flurry, no serious injuries to be seen on him.</p>
<p>Yeah, Jean was annoyed, because it was <em>obvious</em> to him that Annie didn’t even try to hurt Reiner <em>at all</em>, and he was annoyed because the last time he had thought Reiner was strong, emerging from that fist unharmed.</p>
<p>That was no longer his opinion of Reiner.</p>
<p>Reiner landed down next to them.</p>
<p>“Let’s go, before she decides to come back after us!” Reiner shouted, helping Jean pull Armin up to his feet.</p>
<p>“I have to go after her.” Jean’s voice was short, and to the point.</p>
<p>“Jean, you’re going to get yourself killed!”</p>
<p>It startled him, made Jean feel kinda warm inside, hearing Armin vocalize his worry for Jean outloud. Armin cared, and that made Jean want to protect his friend from her, even more.</p>
<p>However, he looked back over towards Annie, tearing his eyes away from his comrades, and saw how she was moving back towards the center, where he and Armin now knew Eren was.</p>
<p>This was not good, and he had to stop her.</p>
<p>“Reiner, you need to give me your horse. I have to go after her.”</p>
<p>“Jean, you’re acting insane. You’re just gonna get yourself killed.”</p>
<p>“Jean, please,” Armin pleaded, “you can’t go after her alone, and we don’t have enough horses for all of us to escape. You can’t constantly say that Eren is a suicidal idiot when you’re acting just like he would!”</p>
<p>Jean froze at that, eyes turning scary for a minute because calming himself down, thoughts racing through his head, angry at that accusation, just because it was <em>so fucking true</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to be better than Eren.</em>
</p>
<p><em>I’m not a suicidal idiot, I’m doing this for a</em> <strong>purpose</strong><em>, it has to be me—</em></p>
<p>Fuck, I really am acting like Eren, he realized.</p>
<p>It made sense, too much sense, and then Jean was disgusted with himself for a brief second, before refocusing and getting his emotions under control.</p>
<p>“Krista is going to be here in a few moments with extra horses. Armin, shoot off an emergency flare for good measure. You two are going to go with her and be safe, join back up with the others. I’m going to go after her. And before you say again that it’s a suicide mission, it’s not; I’m not going to die. I know you don’t understand, <em>can’t understand</em>, but it's my responsibility, because if I don’t stop Annie today, thousands more will die. This is how it’s going to go.”</p>
<p>Armin returned Jean’s glare straight back, not looking happy about what Jean was saying, before faltering slightly in worry. Reiner was silent at this point, more concerned with wrapping up Armin’s head wound.</p>
<p>What is it about Armin? Jean wondered for a brief second, as he saw Reiner care for the smaller boy. Why does everyone seem to like him so much? Why don’t people like me that much?</p>
<p>Before Armin could say anything in reply though, Krista showed up, her pleasant face marred with worry, and stress, but towing an extra horse in tow, <em>Jean’s horse</em>.</p>
<p>Armin and Reiner both looked towards Krista with gratitude, and Jean knew that he could too, as he did the first time he lived through this, but Krista saving them this time was not going to cause him to momentarily fall in love with her.</p>
<p>“You can’t stop me,” Jean looked at Armin as he spoke, voice sure but soft at the sight of the injured boy, “but I’d feel better if you were safe. I’ll see you three at the edge of the forest.”</p>
<p>With a nod of thanks towards Krista, Jean lifted himself back up onto his horse, Bijou. He’d let Reiner and Armin explain the situation to Krista. There wasn’t any time for him to waste.</p>
<p>Jean had such a soft spot for his horse. After coming back to the timeline, he had dearly enjoyed being reunited with his original horse, that he had named Bijou, because he was like a jewel to him. A jewel that had been rough at first, but Jean knew the best ways to polish him, and now Bijou was resembling more of the horse he had last seen. He knew Bijou in detail, knew exactly how to push him faster without wearing him out, and so that was what Jean was doing, as he rode off, Armin, Reiner, and Krista in the distance, pushing himself closer and closer to Annie.</p>
<p>He knew he couldn’t catch up to her when she was running at full speed, but he’d just have to wait until she—</p>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<p>He saw her slow down ahead, getting dangerously close to the center rear at this point, but being held off momentarily by more veteran scouts.</p>
<p>C’mon, he thought recklessly, if I can just get there a little faster then maybe—</p>
<p>He wouldn’t be able to make it, again, <em>fuck</em>, he realized, as Annie swung out, causing another soldier to go tumbling to the ground before brutally smashing them.</p>
<p>Jean was just about sick of that, showing up too late to save people, and he grit his teeth in annoyance.</p>
<p>Annie had finished off the last scout in the area when Jean moved into hearing distance, letting out another resounding scream, quickly gaining Annie’s attention as he called her name.</p>
<p>“Annie! You can’t keep running away from me!”</p>
<p>She paused, and looked at him with something that Jean thought could’ve been curiosity, or perhaps pity.</p>
<p>Her Titan face was nearly as emotionless as her real face.</p>
<p>However, she had stopped, and her attention was entirely focused on Jean, as his horse galloped closer and closer, before being unsettled by the massive Titan in front of them, Bijou neighing nervously as they came to a stop in front of Annie.</p>
<p>It was starting to make Jean nervous, the way Annie was looking at him, body entirely still except for her eyes.</p>
<p>“Can I talk to you without killing me? I promise not to get my blades out.” Jean would try bartering first.</p>
<p>Annie nodded, but stood up at that, letting her height tower over Jean, probably trying to show that she had all the power in this situation.</p>
<p>Eh, she probably did.</p>
<p>“Annie…” now that Jean was here, in this situation, he was kind of at a loss of words, nerves getting the better of him, because yes, he didn’t really know that she wouldn’t just kill him, except for the fact that somewhere deep within him, he just <em>felt it</em>, he felt that Annie wouldn’t kill him and so he believed that.</p>
<p>“Annie,” he started again, “none of this makes you a bad person to me, do you understand? I know that you’ve been forced into this, I know you never asked to do this. No one else is here right now except for us, so you don’t have to do this anymore, because we aren’t enemies. I’m not sure we ever truly were,” Jean thought back, horribly, to the destruction she caused in Stohess, and how even then he had just been more than pissed at her, for choosing to do that, because they had given her every opportunity to stop, “even when you have done despicable acts, I can’t find it within myself to hate you, Annie, because <em>I know</em> that you aren’t doing this out of your free will. Please, let me help you, you don’t have to do this anymore, I can protect you, I won’t let them kill you—”</p>
<p>Annie just shook her head at that, turning to face away from Jean, back towards the center, where Eren was.</p>
<p>“Annie, stop running away from everything!” Jean was letting his frustration get the best of him, and his voice started to raise. “You’ve always just spent everything running away! Aren’t you tired? Don’t you understand that nothing is going to change if you get Eren? Well I’m sorry to say it, but you’re not going to get Eren today, Annie, so you need to just fucking stop for once. Your mission is going to fail, so what is the point of trying? Do you ever do anything for yourself, or do you just do what they tell you to do? Don’t you understand, Annie, that I’m trying to save you? Because underneath all of it, you’re still worthy of being saved, Annie, and that’s with me knowing what you’ve done.” Jean thought back, heartbreakingly, to what Annie had done in Trost the first time, how she had ripped the gear off Marco’s body, leaving him defenseless.</p>
<p>Annie just looked back at him, a sad look in her eyes, before shaking her head again. Moving her body into the correct position, she side eyed Jean one last time, as he pleaded with her to stay, to listen, to come out of the damn Titan, before she lunged, body running at full speed again towards the center rear.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Jean cursed outloud, burying his face into his hands, feeling the overwhelming urge to start crying. He felt defeated, even though the battle wasn’t over, because <em>why couldn’t Annie just listen to him</em>?</p>
<p>What was she doing? What could she <em>possibly</em> gain out of all of this?</p>
<p>Maybe, just maybe, Jean thought, maybe if I knew her better, I could’ve convinced her to stop.</p>
<p>Pulling himself together after a moment, Jean stared at the dust left in Annie’s path, towards Eren and the rest of the Scouts.</p>
<p>If Annie wouldn’t work with him, he thought gravely, then he would have to stop her, no matter how much he truly, deeply, didn’t want to.</p>
<p>-----------------------</p>
<p>Bonus Thoughts – Annie’s (basically just random thoughts that went through Annie’s head during this scene):</p>
<p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How does Jean know that it’s me—nevermind, it’s not like his future-seeing will affect anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Why won’t he attack me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How much does he know?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin has to be bluffing, there’s no way Eren was in the right flank. I checked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They’re trying to play me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If Jean knows about me, does he know about Reiner and Bertolt?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t seem suspicious towards Reiner, just annoyed. Seems like Reiner’s own suspicions were invalid. However, it seems like I was right about Eren’s position.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Goodbye, Jean,</em> Armin.</p>
<p>
  <em>More Scouts to kill. How scintillating.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now back towards the center rear—wait, what the fuck?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jean? Is he a fucking idiot?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Does he have a death wish? He’s just as much of a suicidal maniac as Eren, for doing this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How can he just stand there and look at me? He’s not even afraid of me?</em>
</p>
<p>Why won’t he kill me? Or at least try?</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh Jean, you’ve got it all wrong. You can’t save me, even if you try. I have to do this. You don’t understand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t even understand what he’s saying, but why is he saying it like he knows? Knows what we’ve been through?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not running away, Jean. I’m just doing what I have to do. I hope you’ll understand, but maybe then you won’t think I’m such a good person. It’s selfish, I know. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye, Jean Kirstein. Maybe if I was stronger, I could just kill you now, mercifully. I don’t want to have to fight you in the future, but I’ll do what I must.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m just doing what I have to do to survive.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading everyone!!</p>
<p>I'd appreciate it if you left kudos or comments if you're enjoying it!!</p>
<p>also if any of you all do tiktok you can find me @candy_cubed on tiktok. I don't post often but I did make one earlier this week that's like jeanmarco adjacent so that's fun :)</p>
<p>have a nice weekend everyone :)</p>
<p>up next: continuation of the scout mission (angsty time)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Are You Okay, Annie?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jean returns to the Scouts, he talks with Armin, he finally confronts Annie, and Marco swings in to save the day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jean's POV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Are You Okay, Annie?</ins>
</p>
<p>Jean felt lost, as he continued to ride, moving back towards the formation. They were gearing up on the forest of big ass trees, and Jean already knew at this point what the orders would be.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why was Annie doing this?</em>
</p>
<p>If he let himself think about it too much, he felt like he would fall right into despair.</p>
<p>It would be too easy.</p>
<p>Cursing under his breath, he pushed his horse a little faster, seeing Armin, Reiner, Krista, and a few other recruits out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>It would be useful to meet back up with them, he supposed, but that also meant he would have to inform them that he failed to change Annie’s mind.</p>
<p>“Armin!” he shouted out once he got within hearing range, trying to get their attention.</p>
<p>Armin whipped his head around at the sound, Reiner and Krista also gasping in shock as they saw Jean stride closer and closer to them.</p>
<p>Heh, Jean thought bemusedly, they probably thought I was going to die.</p>
<p>You would think after telling the future multiple times <em>accurately</em>, they would start to believe Jean when he said things like “I’m not going to die” or “Annie isn’t going to kill us.”</p>
<p>They’ll eventually have to believe me, Jean noted internally, but fuck, for real, what is it going to take for them to actually believe?</p>
<p>Outwardly, he shook his head in laughter as he saw the expressions on his friend’s faces as he rode closer to them.</p>
<p>Only a few minutes later they approached the forest, and were subsequently ordered up in the trees, just as they had been last time.</p>
<p>Jean ignored the squabbles and questionings of Erwin’s plan. Again, there was no point in him listening to other complaints when he fully well knew why Erwin had ordered them to guard the forest.</p>
<p><em>Let’s see if anyone asks me</em>—</p>
<p>Jean’s thoughts were interrupted by Armin’s soft voice. Armin was right next to him, when it came to the recruits guarding the trees, and Jean knew Armin was going to ask him about it sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>“Jean?”</p>
<p>He turned around at this, and nodded, showing Armin that he was listening, but just not in the mood to really talk.</p>
<p>“What happened with Annie?”</p>
<p>Jean sighed. “I tried, Armin. I really tried to convince her to stop, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She’s a fool.” Jean wished there was a rock there that he could kick for effect, but alas they were stuck up in the trees.</p>
<p>“What’s going to happen to her? To any of us?” Armin's voice was laced with concern, but his idle curiosity also leeched in there.</p>
<p>“Would you believe me if I told you?” Jean sounded tired, but humorless in the way that he smiled after he finished speaking.</p>
<p>Armin paused for a moment, looking down towards the ground dejectedly.</p>
<p>“I think I would try my best to believe you.” Armin looked back up at Jean, his eyes wide and big in sincerity.</p>
<p>“Thanks Armin, I appreciate the faith.” Again, Jean had the impulse to laugh.</p>
<p>It was funny, on some level, wasn’t it? This situation that he’s ended up in? No one to believe him?</p>
<p>“Do you know what Erwin’s plan is?”</p>
<p>“Ah, that I do, and that’s probably more believable,” Jean figured he might as well indulge Armin’s curiosity, “they’re going to try to set a trap for Annie in this forest. It’s not going to go how they expect it to.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean by that?”</p>
<p>“More people are going to die,” Jean sighed out.</p>
<p>“Do you disagree with Erwin’s plan, Jean?”</p>
<p>Jean wasn’t surprised that Armin figured it out. It’s not like he was being subtle at all.</p>
<p>“I warned him about all of this. I guess we just have fundamentally different morals when it comes to sacrificing life for the greater good. Don’t worry though, Armin, I’ll follow my orders. Up to a point.”</p>
<p>“Jean…”</p>
<p>“If I can make a difference, I don’t care whose orders I defy. I’ll do what I have to, to save people’s lives, and more importantly my friends.” Jean gave Armin a pointed look at that.</p>
<p>They both turned their focus back to the Titans that were slowly accumulating at the edge of the forest, choosing to peer up at the Scouts in the trees rather than move inwards.</p>
<p>It was mildly freaky, Jean thought, looking down. He had to keep reminding himself that these were people underneath it, not monsters, but <em>damn</em>, they really did look like monsters.</p>
<p>At this point, Jean had made up his mind on what he was going to do. He knew Marco was over with Sasha, on their side of the forest edge, and therefore he would be safe. Jean was going to use the moment that the Titans were called inwards by Annie, to make his move, travelling deeper into the forest.</p>
<p>He would make Annie stop, he determined, by any means necessary. All he needed to do was distract her long enough for Captain Levi, or Mikasa, to get her nape, and then into the shiny crystal thingy Annie would go.</p>
<p>It wouldn’t be that simple, but Jean could hope.</p>
<p>She had already killed so many veteran soldiers today, it was disgusting. Jean just wished that she could put a stop to it all. He didn’t want to see her go into the crystal again, even though his infuriation the first time was at not having answers from her, after all the destruction she had caused, his unanswered questions about why she did it, and why she had Marco’s gear. Now? Jean just felt pity for her, even while knowing everything she has done. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what she had to be thinking. Was it desperation, driving her to act like this? He couldn’t figure her out, but maybe one day they could.</p>
<p>He would try his best.</p>
<p>However, Jean was also just dumbfounded at the way she could rip apart humans, play with them like they were toys as she killed them one by one, but then also at the same time spare the lives of her friends. </p>
<p>It was almost…tender, the way that she looked upon Jean, and more importantly Armin. </p>
<p>It sickened Jean, because how could someone give up their humanity that far, but then somehow retain it when looking upon their friends?</p>
<p>It made no sense to him, and just made him more and more angry to think about.</p>
<p>Were they that different from the rest of the Scouts, that Annie didn’t feel the need to brutalize their bodies? Rip their limbs off? Goad in the way that she had smashed their bodies into tiny, mortal pieces?</p>
<p>Jean involuntarily shuddered at the thought, his brain conjuring up images of Annie ripping Scouts down by the lines of their gear, crushing their small bodies on the ground. It just didn’t seem to match the same Annie that had chosen to listen to him, at least momentarily, the Annie that had <em>chosen</em> to not kill Jean where he stood, defenselessly.</p>
<p>Jean hated playing the waiting game. It was excruciating, having to just sit here in this big-ass tree <em>waiting</em> for them to capture Annie, having to worry about whether things were going the exact same as they had last time.</p>
<p>It was annoying, and Jean hated it.</p>
<p>Time seemed to move too slow when he had to wait, and Jean had never been one to have much patience in general.</p>
<p>He was tired of thinking about Annie, tired of being worried about the Titans below him, tired of it all. </p>
<p>Jean looked up from his thoughts when he heard distant explosions.</p>
<p>
  <em>They’ve set up the trap.</em>
</p>
<p>“What was that?” Armin wondered out loud.</p>
<p>“They’re setting the trap,” Jean muttered back in reply, looking down at the Titans again. They were getting too bold at this point, attempting to learn how to climb up the trees to get to the humans.</p>
<p>“We should switch positions, Armin.” Jean was focused on the Titan climbing. It was too close for his comfort, and he didn’t want him or Armin to be in any danger.</p>
<p>“Oh, right.”</p>
<p>Armin followed him as they moved a few trees back, the Titans not failing to watch them as they zipped through the trees.</p>
<p>“They’re learning,” Armin noted out loud.</p>
<p>“They'll continue to learn,” Jean sighed, his bad temper leaching into his words. </p>
<p>It was curious though, Jean thought, how some Titans retained more human features than others. Curious, indeed. He understood what drew Hange to them.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t they tell us that they were planning on capturing a Titan here?” It was a  hypothetical question, but Jean felt like answering anyway.</p>
<p>“Think about it, Armin.” Jean sent a pointed look towards the smarter boy. He knew Armin was damn well capable of coming up with the correct answer himself.</p>
<p>“Is it,” Armin paused for a moment, “no…he doesn’t trust us. Does that mean there’s a mole?”</p>
<p>Jean nodded in reply. “It’s highly likely. That’s why he fed us all different information on where Eren was in the formation.”</p>
<p>Armin gasped in realization. “That means—”</p>
<p>“Eh?” Jean looked up at Armin again, startled to see the expression on his face.</p>
<p>Armin blinked for a moment, before he spoke again. “Do you…do you think it should’ve been handled in a different way?”</p>
<p>“What does it matter what I think?” Jean scowled. “I’ll never fully agree with Erwin’s methods. Too many people died today, because they didn’t know there was a spy within our ranks. I warned the Commander, and he chose to go ahead with the plan knowing damn well that dozens of us would die, and that it didn't necessarily have to happen.”</p>
<p>“I want to say that no one could’ve foreseen this, but that would be a lie,” Armin’s eyes scanned Jean’s form, analytically studying him, “but you would be the exception to that, wouldn’t you, Jean?”</p>
<p>Jean chose to stare back at Armin instead, not trusting any of the words that could come out of his mouth at the moment. It felt like Armin was staring through his soul, and judging him.</p>
<p>“We all have to make a choice Jean, but I think you understand that. The lives of a few soldiers, or the lives of the many inside the walls. The Commander made his choice.”</p>
<p>“So have I,” Jean whispered back, voice soft but determined, “everyday I wake up and make my choice.” It was on Jean. He was the one who chose to let Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt live, and let them get to this point. The blame was on him.</p>
<p>“You have to sacrifice something to be able to change things.” Armin’s words were so simple, and adjacent to what he had said before, and Jean felt like he was drowning in them.</p>
<p>What had he sacrificed?</p>
<p>The question haunted him.</p>
<p>He knew damn well what Annie, Reiner, Bertolt had sacrificed. They gave up their humanity, their sanity, just like Eren had done in the end.</p>
<p>Jean chose not to reply to Armin’s words, more focused on his own thoughts towards the matter. He didn’t have anything to say, not at the moment.</p>
<p>That was until a blood curdling scream echoed throughout the forest. Even though he knew it was coming, it still startled the fuck out of Jean, and he cursed out loud when the rumbling started. Armin watched in horror as the Titans began to move inwards, and Jean looked at them with apprehension, because he now knew what he had to do. </p>
<p>“Jean, what’s happening? What was that scream?”</p>
<p>“It was Annie,” he replied, grave expression on his face, “she’s calling them inwards. I know what I have to do, Armin. I have to stop her, at any cost.”</p>
<p>Jean turned to face Armin, who was still staring at the rapidly moving Titans.</p>
<p>“Armin,” Jean commanded, “promise me you’ll stay safe, okay?”</p>
<p>“Jean, what are you going to do?” Armin’s look of horror was now turned at Jean.</p>
<p>“What I should’ve done to begin with.” With a final look towards Armin, Jean took off through the trees, quickly maneuvering in the forest. He was the fastest at this, and his skill allowed him to transverse the forest exceptionally effectively. He followed the direction that the Titans were moving, but from above; moving like a shadow, in a way that he wouldn’t be spotted by anything on the ground.</p>
<p>It was taxing work, however, Jean complained inside of his head. It took all of his mental effort to travel through the trees at his typical, fast-paced maneuvering, plus the fact that the physical toll on his body was <em>grating</em></p>
<p>Jean noticed the Titans slowing down, and so he slowed down accordingly, stopping in a particularly tall tree overlooking the scene. He could see, if he squinted, that the Titans were eating Annie’s body. The rest of the Scouts were in all of the trees much closer to Annie’s rapidly disappearing Titan body, and Jean prayed that none of them would notice him here.</p>
<p>He really didn’t need to be seen, and thought to be suspicious from that.</p>
<p>But where was Annie?</p>
<p>And more importantly, where was Annie going to show up next?</p>
<p>Was she hiding in these same trees as Jean did, overlooking the confused faces of the entire Scout Regiment?</p>
<p>Jean watched with bated breath as the Scouts finally got their order to retreat, most of them seeming to be relieved as they began packing up.</p>
<p>Jean noted how Levi did not seem to be among those feeling relieved, instead seeming like he was still on guard.</p>
<p>Thank fuck for that.</p>
<p>While the waiting game before had been infuriatingly annoying, this waiting game was fucking nerve-racking.</p>
<p>All of Jean’s senses were keyed up, and he was afraid that at any moment Annie would pop out of trees behind him to kill him, like something out of a child’s nightmare. </p>
<p>Jean had no idea how exactly this was going to go down, when Annie was going to appear, and it <em>irked</em> him, because he was too used to knowing things at this point.</p>
<p>
  <em>Annie, where the hell are you?</em>
</p>
<p>Hopefully, Jean moved to pull his hood up, they won’t notice me if I follow them.</p>
<p>Levi’s Squad was gearing up to retreat themselves, and Jean silently jumped down from his tree, trying his best to be stealthy as he followed them from a distance.</p>
<p>Everything seemed to be going fine, until he noticed another figure come in through his peripheral vision.</p>
<p>His thoughts were usually blurry as he flew through the air, more focused on his actions than thoughts. But this time? His thought ripped through him clearly, <em>is that</em>—</p>
<p>His question was answered instantly, as she moved in blindingly fast, swords slashing through the air before striking Gunther’s body, letting him fall lifelessly to the ground, body swinging between the trees.</p>
<p>Jean let out an audible gasp at the sight, but it was drowned out by Eren’s horrified screams and the cries of the rest of Levi’s squad.</p>
<p>The rest of them quickly scooped up Eren and forced him to keep on moving, but Jean was already slowing down his usual pace to keep up with following behind them, so he determined he could spare a few moments.</p>
<p>Jean distractedly wondered if they were moving slower than normal due to Eren.</p>
<p>He brought himself gently down to Gunther’s limp body.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Trying not to waste anymore time, he sorrowfully ripped off Gunther's badge. Hopefully he’d live through the day to give it to Levi later, he thought as he stuffed the badge in a pocket.</p>
<p>Fuck, he hated not knowing how this was going to go. How was he supposed to stop Annie?</p>
<p><em>I have to keep going</em>, he determined, quickly swinging back up into the trees. It didn’t take too much effort for him to catch up, flying in the same direction they had been going before.</p>
<p>He realized it was the correct direction when the sky lit up in a blaze, familiar lightning flashing through the forest, Jean realizing that Annie had transformed once more.</p>
<p>Hardening his resolve, Jean pushed himself even faster towards Annie. He would put a stop to her, no matter what the cost was.</p>
<p>Jean really hoped that Eren wasn’t going to get any bright ideas about being a hero today, because he wasn’t in the mood to see Annie beat Eren’s ass.</p>
<p>He was coming up upon them from a distance, and he could tell Annie was running at full speed towards the remnants of Levi’s squad, still moving in the direction of HQ.</p>
<p>When were they going to stop her—</p>
<p>At that stray thought, the tension through the forest changed, and Eren kept on moving forward while the rest of the squad turned back to attack Annie.</p>
<p>Fuck, Jean thought.</p>
<p>They were effective, Jean noted, as he flew closer and closer to the scene in front of him. They managed to trick Annie, able to blind her with a feint, all of it happening so fast.</p>
<p>It was impressive.</p>
<p>But Jean knew better, he <em>knew</em> it wasn’t that easy to kill Annie, he had fought against her himself once. </p>
<p>They were mourning the loss of their comrade right now, and Annie and him both knew it, so there was a real chance that any one of them could falter in their blind rage to kill Annie. Annie would be looking for that opportunity, Jean calculated.</p>
<p>In comparison, he knew that Annie had to be calm inside of there. He simply couldn’t fathom her freaking out, actually thinking she would die by the hands of this squad.</p>
<p>In response to her blinding, Annie had leaned up against a tree, and was protecting her nape with both hands.</p>
<p><em>We need to find a way to get those hands down</em>, Jean determined. He was nearly there to the scene. They needed to provide an opening for the Ackermann’s.</p>
<p>They must’ve had the same thought, Jean realized, as they started going in on her arms, attempting to cut the muscle clean off.</p>
<p>It was smart.</p>
<p>Were they actually going to do it?</p>
<p>Jean was stunned, watching her arms fall towards the ground. Could they actually manage to pull this off themselves?</p>
<p>Eld led the final charge, moving in towards her nape—</p>
<p>Jean’s mouth fell open as Annie’s now healed eye turned towards him, her biting his body in half <em>like it was nothing</em>.</p>
<p>This was it, for Jean, <em>he was fucking done</em>. </p>
<p>His eyes darted around, trying to understand what was happening. Eren had turned around at this point, moving back towards the squad. Petra and Oluo were fleeing, Annie chasing down Petra, getting closer and closer.</p>
<p>It’s time to make a decision, Jean, he told himself.</p>
<p>“ANNIE!” he screamed, letting his presence be known, escaping from where he had hidden himself on the periphery.</p>
<p>His scream managed to distract all of them, actually causing Annie to turn around, her hand moving from where she was about to crush Petra, instead colliding with the lines of Petra’s gear, causing her to stumble to the ground. Jean hoped Petra was okay, but he himself was <em>seething</em>.</p>
<p>He was done with Annie.</p>
<p>“Come out here and fight me, Annie!” Jean stood his ground, landing before Annie’s Titan, showing no real fear towards her. He was too far gone in his own anger to be afraid.</p>
<p>In the distance Oluo zipped over to Petra, checking on her, while Eren looked upon Jean and Annie with horror.</p>
<p>“Annie?” he called out, eyes wide in disbelief.</p>
<p>“Yeah, this is the same Annie that trained with us. Funny how that works, don’t you think, Eren?” Jean’s voice was unpleasant as he looked over Annie, the two of them just staring at each other.</p>
<p>“What are you doing, Jean? Get out of there, she’ll hurt you!”</p>
<p>It was nice of Eren to care, Jean remarked.</p>
<p>“She won’t hurt the two of us, but she’ll hurt the rest of the Scouts, won’t you, Annie?” Jean couldn’t help but taunt the situation. “I have to stop her, Eren. I know you understand this,” Jean paused so that he could look Eren in the eyes, “but please, can you do something for me?”</p>
<p>“What?” Eren sounded scared, beyond his wits. He looked like he was in disbelief.</p>
<p>“Transform. Get Mikasa and Levi’s attention here. Once they get here, promise me to get the fuck away from here.”</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving you here!” Eren was indignant, face turning to rage now.</p>
<p>God, he was annoying.</p>
<p>“Eren! I can’t let her get to you, just do what I fucking say or else we could all die, do you understand?”</p>
<p>Annie was still unmoving, her eyes flickering between the two bickering boys. At Jean’s arrival, she had instinctively brought her hand up to her nape, but other than that she hadn’t moved.</p>
<p>Oluo was still over with Petra.</p>
<p>“I—” Eren seemed conflicted, and Jean remembered that look, had seen that look on him when in Stohess.</p>
<p>“Eren, do you really think you can fight her, knowing who she is? I don’t think you can. You were friends. We were all <em>friends</em>. I’ve reconciled it, so let me take care of it. Don’t engage with her, don’t fight her. Please, we need Levi and Mikasa here.”</p>
<p>His eyes flickering between Annie, Jean, and Petra and Oluo in the distance, Eren finally seemed to come to a conclusion.</p>
<p>He shallowly nodded, and the next thing Jean saw was lightning ripping through the forest yet again, and the roar from the Attack Titan echoing in his ears, and through the trees.</p>
<p>“Get back Eren! Protect Petra and Oluo!” Jean commanded, using his assertive, dominating voice from the future, from when he was a Commanding Officer.</p>
<p>Somehow, Eren listened to him, moving back towards those two.</p>
<p>At least he couldn’t complain back when he was in Titan form.</p>
<p>Annie let him, which Jean was slightly shocked about, but didn’t have the time to think about.</p>
<p>“We’re ending this, <em>today</em>, Annie. Do you understand?”</p>
<p>She slowly nodded, keeping her hand over her nape, eyes watching Jean closely. Her other arm seemed to be finishing healing.</p>
<p>It’s fine, Jean told himself, I’ve stood in front of a fully functional Annie before. It’s fine, she won’t hurt <em>me</em>. He had to keep telling it to himself, or else he would be scared shitless.</p>
<p>How could this be the same Annie?</p>
<p>Calm down, he told himself, I have to buy time. I have to buy time for Levi to get here.</p>
<p>The best way to do that? Jean didn’t know, but he would sure try.</p>
<p>“Are you going to come out, Annie? Talk to me like a human being, or instead choose to remain inside of this monster? Because that’s what you look like to me, a <em>fucking monster</em>. How can you defend what you’ve done? <em>And more importantly how can you defend what you haven’t done</em>?”</p>
<p>Annie cocked her head to the side, not unlike an animal would, studying Jean’s indignant expression.</p>
<p>“What are you going to say to him, Annie, when <em>he</em> asks why you didn’t kill me and Armin?”Annie reacted towards that, moving her head back slightly, but Jean caught it. He knew that she knew that he knew. “I already know that they didn't like you saving Connie. Why are you so impartial to us in the first place? How <em>dare</em> you risk your life to save us and then come here and do <em>this</em>! Are the rest of the Scouts not people, to you? Only us, the rest of the 104th Training Squad, are exempt from being <em>devils</em>?”</p>
<p>Yeah, Jean was beginning to lose it again.</p>
<p>Annie’s gaze had gone steely, her eyes focused entirely on Jean now. He was the bigger threat at the moment, because he <em>knew</em>, and Jean preferred it this way. Let her forget about what she thought was her mission, because that would let Eren get away.</p>
<p>“You think you’re so high and mighty, right now, as a Titan, but yet you couldn’t kill someone with your <em>bare</em> hands, could you, Annie? Is that why you’re hiding up there, inside the Titan? Because you know damn well that you couldn’t kill me. No,” Jean spit on the ground in disgust, “you prefer to let the Titans do your dirty work for you, don’t you, Annie?” Jean caught a flash out of the corner of his eye. It was Levi, but yet he seemed cautious, not barging in, instead more focused on the conversation going on between the two of them. Eh, more of a one-sided conversation.</p>
<p>“Let me ask you one final question, Annie, before I’ll stand out of your way. I’m not going to try to kill you, because <em>I</em> know my own limits. Do you? Eh, ignore that,” Jean waved his sword around in annoyance, looking towards the ground in avoidance of Annie’s eyes, “that’s just a hypothetical, not what I wanted my last question to be. Okay, so here it is Annie: did you cry, when you left that body on a rooftop of Trost, did it keep you up at night, knowing that <em>you, Annie Leonhart</em>, were responsible for his death? Not your father, not the Armored Titan, not even the Female Titan, just you, Annie?”</p>
<p>Jean looked up at that, not expecting her to have any reaction, Jean just high and buzzed on the anger, it finally boiling over, his anger at her role in Marco’s death. He had placed most of the blame on Reiner, time and time again, but at this moment, he was sick of Annie. He was sick of the way she couldn’t stand up to Reiner. He was sick of the way she had blatantly murdered dozens of Scouts, had played with their bodies like a child plays with a doll, and he wanted to <em>know</em> (even though he would never be able to actually confront her for what she did to Marco).</p>
<p>However, Jean was shocked to see her startle, her gaze unwavering slightly, her head jolting back in response.</p>
<p>“No,” the anger was extremely evident in Jean’s voice, his face growing murderous as his voice became sorrowful and horrified all at the same time, “who did you kill, Annie? WHOSE BODY DID YOU LEAVE IN TROST INSTEAD OF HIS? WHOSE GEAR DID YOU RIP OFF, JUST LIKE YOU LEFT HIM THERE TO DIE! HOW DARE YOU, ANNIE?”</p>
<p>When she made no move in response, instead shifting her eyes away from Jean, his aura growing increasingly savage. She focused her eyes on Eren instead, but Jean stepped in between them regaining her focus.</p>
<p>“Stop looking at him, Annie,” he snarled, voice warped into a monstrous and deadened tone, “you <strong>need</strong> to be looking at me instead. All of <em>you</em> should fear me,” Jean laughed at that, humorless, clearly losing it. “I’m the one that can see the future here, Annie, not him. Don’t you realize? The three of you missed it this entire time, who your actual enemy is. I’m the one that you’ve been looking for, because I am the one that’s going to destroy all of you! I have the power, I will be the one to tear you apart, bring your downfall, and I will become the one to end the Titans! All of them!” Thunder echoed throughout the forest at the end of his words, and it matched the lightning flashing in his eyes.</p>
<p>At that Jean caught a glance out of the corner of his eye, seeing Mikasa come bearing down upon the scene. It was time to finish this, here and <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>“Eat me, Annie!” he screamed, startling all the bystanders. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll eat me and prevent that from ever happening! Eat me before I can become a <em>monster</em> like you! Kill me, Annie! Kill me like you killed <em>him</em>!”</p>
<p>Tears were streaming down Jean’s face, and he locked eyes with Levi one last time as he set his swords down on the ground.</p>
<p>Annie hesitated, but she moved one of her arms at that, gently picking Jean up off the ground. He could feel her grip tighten on him, not enough to crush him but enough so that he couldn’t escape, even if he tried.</p>
<p>Jean swallowed, closed his eyes, and prayed.</p>
<p>Prayed that Levi and Mikasa would do what needed to be done.</p>
<p>He could feel gravity weighing on him, tugging harder and harder on his core as he was lifted higher and higher in the air, meters up.</p>
<p>Resigning himself to his fate, praying that they would take this opportunity, Jean resolved to keep his eyes shut.</p>
<p>That was, until he heard a panicked scream.</p>
<p>“JEAN!”</p>
<p>His eyes snapped open at the sound of that voice, Marco racing through the trees, looking at him in absolute horror, and that scared Jean.</p>
<p>“No,” he croaked out, and then started squirming in Annie’s grip, panicking because <em>Marco can’t be here, why is Marco here</em>—</p>
<p>Then in a flash, Jean saw an Ackermann fly through the sky, bearing down on the wrist holding Jean, and suddenly he was free falling, panicking because this wasn’t how he wanted to die, before Marco collided with him at the last minute, bracing his fall. Jean still managed to smack his head on the ground though, painfully hard, and it was throbbing.</p>
<p>Dizzily looking up, he saw the two Ackermann’s swarming Annie, too fast for her to harden, as they managed to cleanly chop off the hand that was holding Jean, and they were now hacking at her other hand. Jean moved his head back to rest, eyes fluttering shut as he couldn’t focus on the chaos above.</p>
<p>He distantly heard Eren roar and felt the ground shaking, but the next thing Jean opened his eyes to was Marco’s face, marred by the tears streaming down his face.</p>
<p>“Jean, Jean are you okay?” Marco was pleading, face and voice full of concern.</p>
<p>Jean <em>hated</em> that he had made Marco feel like this.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m fi—” Jean tried to lift his head off the ground, before cursing at the pain that bloomed through the back of his head.</p>
<p>“Ow,” he said dumbly, hand moving up to touch the wound, seeing blood as he brought it back down, “ouch.”</p>
<p>This time, he didn’t lift his head, instead trying to turn it over to see what he could see.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“You hit your head as you fell. Do you remember what happened before that?”</p>
<p>“Vaguely,” he replied. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to taunt Annie like that, giving away too many of his secrets. “What happened to Annie?”</p>
<p>“Mikasa and Levi got her,” Marco replied quietly, seeming nervous, “she’s in that crystal thing you mentioned.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Damn, Jean really had missed a lot. He must’ve passed out for longer than he thought.  “Well, at least I had my knight in shining armor here to protect me.” Jean tried his best to smile, but his head was still pounding.</p>
<p>“You’re such a fool, Jean,” Marco said with a fondness, laughing slightly as he wiped the tears off his face with his sleeves, “but that would also imply that you’re a damsel in distress.”</p>
<p>“Well obviously, I am. I need you to nurse me back to health, will you kiss it better, Marco?” Jean smirked, feeling more and more like himself as his head cleared.</p>
<p>Marco laughed again, brushing the stray hairs off Jean’s forehead, before reaching down to give him a small kiss. “You’re a fool, but you’re my fool.”</p>
<p>“Always,” Jean grinned in reply, “and now I’m just wondering how you got here in the first place.”</p>
<p>“I followed Mikasa.”</p>
<p>Fuck, Jean had forgotten that Mikasa was on the same side of the formation as Sasha, and that meant Marco was too.</p>
<p>“I would’ve been fine,” Jean muttered under his breath, “I didn't want you to be in danger.”</p>
<p>“I’m aware,” Marco replied back, dryly, “but you don’t get to decide which risks I take for you, Jean.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Jean started, but was interrupted.</p>
<p>“Hey! Is the brat still alive?”</p>
<p>Jean’s limited view of Marco was also interrupted by the presence of Captain Levi.</p>
<p>“Tsk,” Levi looked over Jean’s injuries, “that was some stunt you pulled back there, brat. You’re lucky it worked.”</p>
<p>There was a peculiar look in his eyes, but Jean couldn’t figure it out, thoughts swimming around from the head injury.</p>
<p>“I think he might have a concussion,” Marco looked up at Levi, eyes pleading, “what’s going to happen next?”</p>
<p>“We’ll put him on the cart with the other injured. Don’t worry, you can go with your boyfriend,” Marco blushed at that, “Jaeger will join you there when he gets out of that Titan.”</p>
<p>With that, Levi bent down farther, hand reaching around the back of Jean’s head, brushing up against the wound, Jean hissing at the pain.</p>
<p>Speaking lowly, so that only Jean could hear, Levi started, “That was brave of you, tsk, but stupid. I see the similarities between you and the suicidal maniac now. I’ll be having a conversation with you when you’re more lucid, but for now, <em>thank you</em>, for saving the rest of my Squad.”</p>
<p>With that, Levi got up without another word, not even sparing a second glance towards Jean and Marco.</p>
<p>“Marco?” Jean’s voice was small, and childlike.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Marco looked back down, concern on his face.</p>
<p>“Can I sleep for a bit? My uh, head is starting to hurt more.” That was true, it was, the pain throbbing incessantly now, but also the thoughts were getting to be too much for Jean, and his body was exhausted, and his brain was just telling him to sleep.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“Will you be there when I wake up?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Marco smiled, his eyes watering slightly, “always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello everyone! thanks for reading!</p>
<p>I really appreciate all of the comments and kudos &lt;3</p>
<p>also I'm a college student and it's finals season rn so I will be taking a short break from updating, but I will be back 3 weeks from now so don't worry</p>
<p>also the good thing about summer is that I'll be able to have more frequent updates hopefully :)</p>
<p>good luck to all the other students out there and I hope all of you pass your classes!!</p>
<p>edit 4/26: i am now going to be posting this story to wattpad for maximum chaos. it's @/candycubed on there too so don't worry no one is stealing my work, just me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Marco Bott's First Scouting Adventure :)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marco goes on his first scouting mission, stumbles across an injured Jean, has to rescue the poor fool, and then watch over him while having various conversations.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Marco's POV !!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <ins>Marco Bott’s First Scouting Adventure :)</ins>
</p>
<p>Marco had been insanely nervous.</p>
<p>He was out on his first real Scout mission, and even though Jean swore that he would be safe on the left flank, Marco was still nervous the entire time.</p>
<p>He was nervous for Jean.</p>
<p>Jean only had a half-baked plan that entirely hinged on his ability to either convince Annie to stop killing people, or somehow distract her long enough so that the two people capable of taking her down would do just that.</p>
<p>Marco wasn’t convinced that it would be that easy.</p>
<p>It made him shudder, and think about how Annie had looked when she had stripped him of his gear, abandoning him on that rooftop in Trost.</p>
<p>Marco didn’t want to have to think about it, but here he was, in a giant ass tree next to Sasha and Mikasa, and he was shivering like a cold wind had whipped through the air when it was actually just the thought of Annie.</p>
<p>He couldn’t reconcile the fact that the same girl who had cried at his death was now causing all of this destruction.</p>
<p>Marco knew, he <em>just knew, instinctively</em>, that his death had haunted Annie the first time, just like it had haunted Reiner and Bertolt.</p>
<p>So how could Annie do this?</p>
<p>He knew Jean couldn’t make sense of it, but Marco couldn’t either.</p>
<p>Marco was torn out of his thoughts as he heard a deep screech come out of the forest.</p>
<p>The three of them were even more stunned as they saw they saw the Titans below charge into the forest, Marco well aware that they were heading in towards Annie.</p>
<p>
  <em>So Jean didn’t manage to convince her, huh.</em>
</p>
<p>Marco wasn’t surprised, but he couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit disappointed. He didn't want Jean to have to deal with stopping Annie, no matter what he felt like was his responsibility.</p>
<p>“That’s the scream of a dying animal,” Sasha started, a look of horror on her face, “it sounds like it has nothing left to lose.”</p>
<p>“It’s a third Titan,” Marco replied gravely, “like the Armored and Colossal.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that?” Mikasa’s voice was sharp, probably in concern for Eren.</p>
<p>“Jean was afraid of this happening. He was going to try to stop it before it got here, but obviously that didn't work out for him.”</p>
<p>Mikasa hummed in response, seeming to be deep in thought, but there was a frown on her face.</p>
<p>“If he failed,” Sasha looked up towards Marco, her eyes wide, “is Jean okay?”</p>
<p>Marco replied with a shaky nod. “I know he’s still alive. I can feel it, but I’m still afraid.”</p>
<p>“Afraid of what?” Mikasa was looking off in the direction of the scream, her voice more emotionless than before.</p>
<p>“Afraid that he’ll do something stupid and impulsive trying to fix it.”</p>
<p>“Sounds more like Eren than Jean,” Sasha commented, puzzled. She had tilted her head, like she was thinking, and Marco was just glad to see her focus on something other than the deadly Titans rumbling underneath them.</p>
<p>“They’re a lot more similar than you would think.” Marco replied, laughing slightly, but without any humor.</p>
<p>Mikasa nodded, before turning to look at Marco in the eyes. “Should we engage with the Titans?”</p>
<p>“There’s no point,” Marco looked back down, studying the way they were moving, incessantly stumbling towards the direction of the scream, “the Titan called them there. They won’t get distracted or stopped by us.”</p>
<p>“What’s going to happen?” Sasha sounded scared again, her voice getting higher in pitch. Marco was sure that all of them were scared on some level, but he was trying to not think about it, instead choosing to focus on what he could control at the moment.</p>
<p>Admittedly, there wasn’t a lot.</p>
<p>“It’s a waiting game. They’ll probably give orders for us to retreat.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t very long, waiting in that tense atmosphere, for the orders to come through.</p>
<p>They were just about ready to join the rest of the soldiers, when another roar came tearing through the forest.</p>
<p>“Eren!” Mikasa called out.</p>
<p>“Jean…” Marco whipped his head in the direction of the roar, “what have you done now?”</p>
<p>“I’m going in to save Eren,” Mikasa turned towards them, speaking sharply.</p>
<p>“I’m coming too.” Marco replied.</p>
<p>Mikasa paused for a second, looking back at Marco with a struck expression on her face.</p>
<p>“Why are you coming?”</p>
<p>“Someone needs to save Jean’s sorry ass.” Marco shrugged, face hardening as he mentally prepared himself for what he was going to see.</p>
<p>“How do you even know he’s there?” Sasha questioned nervously.</p>
<p>“I just know,” Marco sighed, afraid that he was going to see the worst, “go back with the rest of the retreat, Sasha. Stay safe.”</p>
<p>She nodded, looking back at them once more with worry, before she joined the rest of the Scouts retreating.</p>
<p>“Go on ahead,” Marco gave a pointed look towards Mikasa. “I’m slower than you with the gear. Don’t let me hold you back. Go deal with Eren, and I’ll deal with Jean.”</p>
<p>Mikasa didn’t spare any more moments, nodding in reply as she leapt out of the tree, dashing around the forest with blinding accuracy.</p>
<p>Sighing, Marco followed after her, heading towards the direction of the scream.</p>
<p>Hopefully Jean hadn’t gotten himself in too precarious of a situation, but Marco wasn’t too optimistic.</p>
<p>He followed behind Mikasa as close as he could, but soon enough the distance between them grew too great, and Marco was alone for many moments, flying in the same direction and hoping that he would get there.</p>
<p>Eventually, he heard yelling, that sounded suspiciously like Jean, and adjusted the way he was moving, changing course slightly to move in that direction.</p>
<p>When he finally reached the outskirts of the clearing, Marco was shocked by what he saw.</p>
<p>Jean’s echoing screams about killing him had faded at this point, and Marco gasped as he entered the area, stunned, as he saw Jean, his tiny body, being crushed by Annie’s fist. He wasn’t fighting her grip, instead shutting his eyes closed as she lifted him up to her waiting mouth.</p>
<p>“JEAN!” Marco yelled, in panic, continuing to fly straight towards Annie. He couldn’t let her eat Jean, even though he knew that he didn't have the skill to take Annie down.</p>
<p>All he needed was to rescue Jean, whose eyes were now open and looking back at Marco in panic.</p>
<p>Marco himself was panicking, not able to think straight, because it hurt him to see Jean so blatantly throw his life into danger, not after he had scolded Marco for the exact same thing. </p>
<p>However, before Marco could decide on what to do, Mikasa came barreling through the corner of his eye, moving a hundred times faster than he ever could, and before Marco knew what was happening she had cut Annie’s hand straight off.</p>
<p>Of course, this was assisted by Captain Levi, who had chosen that moment to attack as well, drawing Annie’s attention away from her hand and towards her nape as Levi had moved to attack it. </p>
<p>This also meant that Jean was now falling through the air, and on instinct Marco switched his focus to that, managing to intercept Jean as he fell, helping to brace his fall along the forest ground.</p>
<p>It didn’t go that well, Marco realized, as he heard the sickening crack of the back of Jean’s head colliding with the hard ground. </p>
<p>“Jean? Jean? Are you okay?” Marco quickly got up, bending over Jean to see his face. Jean’s eyes were moving, trying to focus on the violence happening behind them, but within another moment Jean closed his eyes, and slipped into unconsciousness as Marco continued to plead with him.</p>
<p>“Jean?” Marco felt the back of his head, and his fingers came back slick and sticky, darkened with Jean’s blood. </p>
<p>
  <em>He’s bleeding.</em>
</p>
<p>Marco returned his hand to the gash, trying to put enough pressure on it to stop the bleeding.</p>
<p>Marco felt himself beginning to panic, but he moved his other hand down, checking Jean’s pulse, which was still strong.</p>
<p>“Thank god,” Marco whispered out loud, “you’re not dying on me today.”</p>
<p>At the sound of another roar from Eren, Marco turned around, only to see both Mikasa and Levi flying around Annie in a frenzy.</p>
<p>Annie was attempting to still move towards Jean, dead set on eating him, even while being attacked, and Marco felt a bolt of terror shoot through him.</p>
<p>He couldn’t protect Jean, not when he was injured and unconscious like this. </p>
<p>However, Eren, who had been suspiciously staying out of the way, had moved and was now standing between Annie and them, protecting them.</p>
<p>It was heartwarming, Marco thought, and he felt touched, but not surprised.</p>
<p>Marco had a lot of respect for Eren during their first lifetime, since they were good friends, and even though Jean didn't understand that the first time, Marco always saw the potential in Eren.</p>
<p>Eren’s loyalty was unwavering, and that is what made him a formidable foe.</p>
<p>And here he was, protecting two of his teammates from one of his former friends, and he was not faltering, not now, when Annie was threatening them.</p>
<p>His growl managed to distract Annie for a second, and Mikasa used that distraction to slice at Annie’s other hand, the other trying to heal rapidly from where it had been cut off. Levi used this opportunity to stab Annie in her left eye, ripping his blade out with a sickening squelch. </p>
<p>Marco watched the two of them fight, and it was hard to keep track of their movements, as they moved <em>that</em> fast. Annie would harden before some of their swipes, but not all of them, and the two of them worked their blades dull injuring her. She was so focused on them that Eren managed to join the fray and he tackled Annie, the ground shaking underneath Marco from the impact. Even though Eren was worse at hand-to-hand combat than Annie, he managed to pin her just long enough for Mikasa to stab her in her other eye, Levi coordinating his movements with that distraction, finally bearing down on Annie’s nape, exposed with the help of Eren. </p>
<p>Shockingly, Marco noticed tears streaming down the Titan’s face, as Annie’s puppet melted out of Eren’s grip, already starting to steam.</p>
<p>Levi ripped Annie out of the Titan’s flesh, but she didn’t seem to be conscious, from what he could see. She was alive, but within another second, her hardening ability started to grow out of her normal body, and Levi moved back in shock and disgust, as the crystal hardened around Annie’s cut up body. Her arms were cut off, and there were still tears on her face, and all of this was clear to see through the crystal. </p>
<p>Marco let out the breath he had been holding in, watching them fight.</p>
<p>It was over, and that was unbelievable.</p>
<p>This meant…this meant that Jean had changed things. Actual events had been changed, and not just the minor changes of saving a few people from death, like he had done with Marco.</p>
<p>By eliminating the assault on Stohess, Jean was changing <em>everything</em>, and that was terrifying and exhilarating all at once.</p>
<p>Levi and Mikasa were busy staring at the crystal with murderous intent, and Eren was trying to see if he could break it open using his hands, but Marco knew that wasn’t going to work, so he turned back towards Jean. </p>
<p>Marco had been keeping his hand at the back of Jean’s head. The bleeding had slowed considerably, so he decided it was probably safe enough to remove his hand at this point. Jean’s pulse was still strong, as he checked it once again.</p>
<p>Slightly sick at the sight, Marco tried his best to wipe Jean’s blood off of his hand, cringing as his pants got stained with the crimson fluid.</p>
<p>“<em>Jean</em>, Jean,” Marco repeated, non-blood stained hand caressing his face gently, “Please wake up. I need to know that you’re okay.”</p>
<p>Miraculously, Jean started to stir underneath his hand, eyes cracking open, not focusing on anything at first.</p>
<p>“<em>Jean</em>,” Marco breathed out. Marco was well aware that his face was covered in tears, and that he wasn’t the most pleasant sight ever. Jean wasn’t faring much better though, his eyes filtering in and out of focus, not seeming to hear Marco just yet.</p>
<p>“Jean, Jean are you okay?” At this, Jean seemed to perk up some, and his eyes did settle on Marco's face.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m fi—” Jean stupidly tried to lift his head off the ground, which Marco tried to stop, but Jean stopped himself before getting too far, cursing instead.</p>
<p>“Ow,” he said dumbly, his hand now turning bloody after moving to touch the wound, “ouch.”</p>
<p>Marco just shook his head in response. Jean had to have a head injury, he couldn’t just be this <em>stupid</em>.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Jean’s voice was cracked, more dry than normal.</p>
<p>“You hit your head as you fell. Do you remember what happened before that?” Marco’s eyes continued to scan his face, looking for any pain that filtered through it.</p>
<p>“Vaguely. What happened to Annie?” Jean not so subtly tried to turn over again, Marco firmly stopping him from turning his head.</p>
<p>“Mikasa and Levi got her,” Marco assured him, “she’s in that crystal thing you mentioned.” Marco didn’t have any idea of how it worked, but he knew it happened. If Jean wanted to know more he’d have to ask the others. Marco was more focused on Jean than the ensuing battle.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Jean developed a confused look on his face, before it mellowed out into a half-smile. “Well, at least I had my knight in shining armor here to protect me.”</p>
<p>“You’re such a fool, Jean,” Marco smiled back down, laughing slightly as he moved to  wipe the tears off his face with his sleeves, “but that would also imply that you’re a damsel in distress.”</p>
<p>“Well obviously, I am. I need you to nurse me back to health, will you kiss it better, Marco?” Marco rolled his eyes at Jean’s obvious smirk. It was reassuring to see him acting like normal.</p>
<p>He laughed again, brushing the stray hairs off Jean’s forehead, before reaching down to give him a small kiss. “You’re a fool, but you’re my fool.” Marco meant it, a fondness melting within his heart.</p>
<p>“Always,” Jean grinned in reply, “and now I’m just wondering how you got here in the first place.”</p>
<p>A question that Marco expected, but was not looking forward to.</p>
<p>“I followed Mikasa.” Marco replied shiftily, well aware that Jean was not going to like that answer.</p>
<p>“I would’ve been fine,” Jean looked indignant as he muttered under his breath, “I didn't want you to be in danger.”</p>
<p>“I’m aware,” Marco made sure that his voice was dry, “but you don’t get to decide which risks I take for you, Jean.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Jean started, before the two of them were interrupted.</p>
<p>“Hey! Is the brat still alive?”</p>
<p>Marco turned around to see a bloody Captain Levi approach, who swiftly bent down to look at Jean’s injuries.</p>
<p>“Tsk, that was some stunt you pulled back there, brat. You’re lucky it worked.”</p>
<p>Marco felt awkward, just sitting there, the Captain not looking at him at all.</p>
<p>“I think he might have a concussion,” Marco nervously started, trying to see if Levi would do something about it, “what’s going to happen next?”</p>
<p>“We’ll put him on the cart with the other injured. Don’t worry, you can go with your boyfriend. Jaeger will join you there when he gets out of that Titan.”</p>
<p>With that, Levi bent down farther, his hand reaching around the back of Jean’s head. Marco assumed it brushed up against the wound from Jean’s small hiss that he let out.</p>
<p>Marco could also tell that Levi was muttering something in Jean’s ear, but it was too low for him to hear.</p>
<p>After that, Levi got up without another word, not even sparing a second glance towards the two of them, and that slightly concerned the overly worried Marco.</p>
<p>“Marco?” Jean’s small voice drew Marco’s attention back onto him.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Marco scanned Jean’s face again in worry.</p>
<p>“Can I sleep for a bit? My uh, head is starting to hurt more.” Damn, he must still really be in pain.</p>
<p>This is not good, Marco noted internally.</p>
<p>“Of course.” he replied back softly, brushing Jean’s hair back again as he shut his eyes.</p>
<p>Marco did not have a good feeling about this.</p>
<p>However, he had to press on.</p>
<p>A short time later, the rest of the veteran scouts had shown up on the scene, including the Commander. </p>
<p>Marco wasn’t too focused on them however, instead choosing to check Jean’s pulse every few minutes, making sure that it remained strong,</p>
<p>Eventually, Eren let his Titan melt away, and he passed out in Mikasa’s arms. The other soldiers worked hard, collecting the dead bodies littering the forest, but Marco stayed, frozen by Jean's side. </p>
<p>He saw Levi look over towards them a few more times, when he was talking to others, but no one approached him to question him or to get him to leave Jean’s side.</p>
<p>After they were done debriefing, they started loading up the carts. Annie got one all to herself, Marco noticed, and he saw Hange eagerly jumping up and down next to the crystal in excitement.</p>
<p>It made Marco smile, softly, despite all the turmoil going on internally, because it was so rare to see someone that enthusiastically happy within the Survey Corps.</p>
<p>Eventually Levi made his way over towards them, and with help from Miche, they gently moved Jean’s unconscious form into the cart. Petra was there, with Oluo guarding her injured body quite fiercely.</p>
<p>Marco was just relieved that they didn’t join the bodies in the bags, because he knew it would kill Jean to see that, after everything he had done to try to stop Annie.</p>
<p>All Jean ever wanted was to save people.</p>
<p>Eren was also brought aboard the cart by Mikasa, who could carry him single-handedly.</p>
<p>Her strength was something astonishing, Marco noted.</p>
<p>A short time later, they set off, the minutes blurring together in Marco’s mind as he focused on Jean.</p>
<p>Most of the journey was spent in Marco’s thoughts. He was fraught with worry, because he felt like something was different than normal, like Jean was not merely resting. He was also worried that Jean’s injuries were serious, and that there was actual head trauma. Marco was also aware that it could very well be his anxiety over worrying, but he knew Jean would feel the same if he were injured, so he decided that it wasn’t too unreasonable of himself.</p>
<p>His worries only increased, however, when Reiner swung in, landing on their cart.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” Marco’s voice was sharper than intended as he moved to shield Jean’s body from him.</p>
<p>“The formation has attracted Titans, they’re now pursuing us. I’ve been sent to make sure Eren’s okay,” Reiner shrugged.</p>
<p>“I can protect Eren just fine,” Mikasa spoke up from where she sat next to Eren, glaring at Reiner slightly.</p>
<p>Marco just frowned, busy contemplating. He vaguely remembered Jean mentioning Titans coming after the formation, but it had not been Jean’s priority and therefore he hadn’t explained it in detail, not knowing that he would be taken out with a head injury.</p>
<p>“We’re all okay,” Marco said dejectedly, moving his gaze back down to Jean’s unconscious form.</p>
<p>Reiner nodded in reply. “How did Kirstein end up like this?”</p>
<p>Marco looked back up with a glare of his own. It was obvious to him that Reiner was fishing for information.</p>
<p>“He fell.”</p>
<p>“Out of a tree?” Reiner laughed lightly, but Marco didn’t think it was very funny.</p>
<p>“No, out of a Titan’s grip,” he deadpanned back.</p>
<p>“How did that happen?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how he managed to get into a Titan’s grip, I wasn’t there to see it.” Marco was having a hard time looking Reiner in the eyes, and it was showing. </p>
<p>Mikasa was watching the two of them with narrowed eyes, probably noting the growing tension between the two.</p>
<p>It was silent for a moment or two.</p>
<p>“Was the Titan Annie?” Reiner’s voice had changed in tone, now more serious.</p>
<p>Marco and Mikasa just nodded in reply, despondently.</p>
<p>“You’re telling me that he still tried to run after Annie to stop her?” Reiner demanded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and what about it?” A defensive tone ran through Marco’s voice, his body tensing up.</p>
<p>“That was stupid of him! He shouldn't even be alive after confronting her that many times! What was he thinking?”</p>
<p>Marco suspected that it was not Jean's obvious disregard for his own life that was upsetting Reiner.</p>
<p>“He was thinking that he had to do what he did so that people would survive!” Marco lashed out back.</p>
<p>“He’s a suicidal idiot, just like Eren—” Reiner had been shaking his head before Marco savagely interrupted him.</p>
<p>“You don’t get to say that!” Everyone’s eyes turned towards Marco. “He was trying to stop Annie from killing more people, even if it meant the cost of his own life.”</p>
<p>“I just don’t understand why he would do that—” Reiner argued back.</p>
<p>“He did it because the lives of our fellow Scouts matter more to him! Every single person’s life matters to him. You don’t understand, Reiner, that he’s just one person, but he would sacrifice everything to make sure that others could survive. You don’t get to say that it’s suicidal of him, not when every decision that Jean makes weighs on him!”</p>
<p>“What do you mean by that?” Mikasa broke the tension, looking at them with well-hidden curiosity.</p>
<p>“He blames himself,” Marco’s voice got quiet at that, “every person’s death that he sees ahead of time that he can’t stop weighs on him. He thinks that it’s on him to save these people, because he can see the future. So no, none of you really understand what he’s had to go through, what he’s seen. Every single death in the Scouts today will weigh on him, even though Annie was the one who killed them. He’ll blame himself for not stopping Annie, even though it wasn’t his fault, even though he tried,” Marco concluded, voice tapering off as he tried his best to hold in the tears that threatened to erupt.</p>
<p>Reiner, in response, just looked disturbed, eyes widened as he looked between Marco and Jean.</p>
<p>He probably hadn’t thought that deeply about Jean’s actions, Marco suspected. It was a mistake that could cost Reiner, in the future; if he couldn’t even think that critically about the people he had known for years, how could he analyze them as enemies?</p>
<p>Marco shook his head, clearing out his thoughts. He’d have to worry about that later. Right now, the priority was getting back, and then getting Jean to a doctor. </p>
<p>Part of him was glad that Jean was unconscious at the moment, because Marco knew that even while injured, he would still probably attempt to fight Reiner, whether with words or with fists.</p>
<p>Yeah, Marco decided, Jean might be impulsive, he might be a fool, but he’s not suicidal. He was stupidly, <em>stupidly</em> brave, and he was <em>his</em> fool, and Marco would have it no other way.</p>
<p>Reiner kept staring at them, but he didn’t say anything for the rest of the journey back. It didn’t seem to Marco like there had been any more problems. If Reiner hadn’t joined them when he did, Marco would’ve had no idea that Titans were pursuing the formation, their cart relatively protected in the middle of the formation.</p>
<p>Oluo hadn’t said anything the entire time, but Marco suspected that he had been listening to the conversation earlier, and therefore Captain Levi would probably approach them to discuss it later. </p>
<p>It would be okay, Marco reassured himself. He and Jean would get through all of this, or they would die trying.</p>
<p>Eventually, Eren woke up, startled out of his sleep. Marco watched warily as Mikasa explained to Eren where they were in terms of the journey, and also what Reiner was doing here.</p>
<p>Eren then turned to Marco.</p>
<p>“Hey Marco, do you know what Jean was talking about when he was yelling at Annie?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t hear everything he said.” Marco was well aware that he was being deflective, but couldn’t find a way to explain without Reiner getting even more suspicious.</p>
<p>“You heard the end though, right? The part where he told her to eat him? Do you know what that was about?” Eren’s eyes were wide and curious, looking towards Marco as he managed to sit up, not looking half-bad for someone who just became conscious.</p>
<p>“I assume he just said whatever he could to antagonize her to cause a distraction.” Marco had no idea what thoughts were running through Jean’s head at that exact moment, but he assumed he said what he said for a good reason. He better have had a good reason, or else Marco would have to hit him with the pillow again for his blatant disregard for his own life.</p>
<p>“What an idiot,” Reiner said underneath his breath, shaking his head in disagreement.</p>
<p>“Well it worked, didn’t it?” Marco shot back, his voice bold as he stared back at Reiner.</p>
<p>“He seemed to have a good handle on the situation,” Eren nodded along as he spoke, blissfully ignoring the tension between Marco and Reiner, “although I had no idea he was going to talk that much. I can’t believe he was able to stand up to her like that, as a regular human.”</p>
<p>“He knew that Annie wouldn’t hurt him.” </p>
<p>“How could he know that?” Mikasa’s voice was short, yet curious.</p>
<p>Marco shrugged. “He’s seen a future where he lives, therefore he’s not going to think he’s going to die. That and faith.”</p>
<p>“How could he stand up to her, knowing that she was a friend?” Eren’s question sounded more hypothetical, wistful almost, but Marco could detect the insecurity underneath it. Due to what Jean had told him about how Eren couldn’t fight her at first in Stohess, Marco assumed it was that same insecurity. </p>
<p>“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Eren,” Marco made sure to look Eren in the eyes, “it’s reasonable to not be able to fight a friend, even while knowing that person has done terrible things. If it were easy for Jean, he would’ve just tried to kill her from the beginning. The way he kept trying to talk her down is evidence that he had hesitations about it, do you understand?”</p>
<p>“That…actually makes a lot of sense, Marco. You really are good at understanding people, you know,” Eren grinned back at him, already seeming to feel more like himself.</p>
<p>Marco let himself smile softly back, and focused intently on ignoring Reiner.</p>
<p>Ignoring his problems was childish of him, he knew, but he was also scared, and selfish, and he wanted Jean awake, healthy, and by his side before he talked to Reiner again. </p>
<p>Marco just moved to grasp one of Jean’s hands in his own, and he closed his eyes, trying to block out the rest of the world.</p>
<p>Jean’s hand was warm, despite his dozing state of being, and that made Marco feel comforted.</p>
<p>The two of them would be okay, they’d have to be.</p>
<p>They would get through this, together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello beautiful people :)</p>
<p>sorry for taking so long to update, finals are a bitch and i hated every moment of it. i passed my classes though, so :)</p>
<p>now that i'm on break i'm going to try to have more frequent updates, but at the very least the weekly ones will return</p>
<p>i hope all of you are doing well, thank you all so much for reading, and i really appreciate all the kudos and comments &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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